Ill friend is hurt that I haven't been posting/liking her Instagram health journey account

[Anonymous]

Show her some grace while respecting and protecting yourself.

Don't throw an extra burden on her.

3 steps:

1. "I'm sorry I missed the big update. [Appropriate response to whatever the update was]. I had to mute the IG because I am not strong enough to read the medical details in your posts. I'm still here for you for anything you need. I'll have someone who follows you on IG send me future updates, so I don't miss important news."

2. Ask a friend who follows the IG to loop you in the situation, skipping the gory details.

3. Forget about the disagreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, she's wrong. I am sorry to say that about someone who is struggling and I would give her some grace on this issue because she is dealing with cancer, but you were setting a healthy boundary for yourself.

I do think part of the problem is that cancer patients, and anyone dealing with a cancer-level diagnosis, are often encouraged to share their health journey via social media or or sharing tools. The reason is that it is easier to keep people updated this way, then to have to repeat everything every time you see people, or to field inquiries from friends and family all the time. It can also be easier on caregivers.

But I think people need to understand that while this is a great way for many people to keep up with what is going on with you, it doesn't work for everyone and there will be people, like OP, who have valid reasons to need to take a step back. I would just let her know that you need to step back from social media a bit for your own mental health, but let her know you are 100% in her corner and rooting for her, even if that's not appearing in the form of likes and comments. Maybe resolve to drop her a text or something every couple weeks to let her know you are thinking about her, or some other non-Instagram form of engaging with her.

:like:

[Anonymous]

Can you do a quick perusal once every few weeks? Just scan for big news that might need your attention (surgery, hospital stays), but ignore the rest.

[Anonymous]

I have been through hell the past few years and I did not expect my friends to do x, y or z to support me. Any support I got I appreciated. I know how anxiety provoking the things I have dealt with and am dealing with are and I respect that it's too much. In fact, I know which friends can't hear it and I make sure they are my distraction friends. It's fun to pretend like life is a little more carefree. Heck if I weren't going through these things it would be hard to read about it with someone else.

None of us get to use our illnesses and other adversities to guilt trip others and push them to do things they don't want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, she's wrong. I am sorry to say that about someone who is struggling and I would give her some grace on this issue because she is dealing with cancer, but you were setting a healthy boundary for yourself.

I do think part of the problem is that cancer patients, and anyone dealing with a cancer-level diagnosis, are often encouraged to share their health journey via social media or or sharing tools. The reason is that it is easier to keep people updated this way, then to have to repeat everything every time you see people, or to field inquiries from friends and family all the time. It can also be easier on caregivers.

But I think people need to understand that while this is a great way for many people to keep up with what is going on with you, it doesn't work for everyone and there will be people, like OP, who have valid reasons to need to take a step back. I would just let her know that you need to step back from social media a bit for your own mental health, but let her know you are 100% in her corner and rooting for her, even if that's not appearing in the form of likes and comments. Maybe resolve to drop her a text or something every couple weeks to let her know you are thinking about her, or some other non-Instagram form of engaging with her.

I agree with this 100%.

[Anonymous]

When is the last time you contacted her to see how she is doing and ask if she needs anything?

If you are not only not checking her social media and not calling and messaging, you’re not a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Be honest. Say you are anxious and your therapist advised you against supporting her in that way, but you can talk walks or do errands for her, etc

[Anonymous]

I’d hand DH my phone once a day to read the post and make some sort of appropriate reply or “like,” and let me know if there was anything big like an upcoming major appointment, a procedure, or a new development, good or bad.

[Anonymous]

I'm getting "Bad Art Friend" vibes.

[Anonymous]

You don't mute your real friends, but you can scroll past the text when it's too long or TMI. Just "like" stuff.

[Anonymous]

I would write to her privately and express your concern for her and your affection and say you're not on social media enough to catch everything - that way you sort of excuse yourself and you get out of having to respond to future posts.

[Anonymous]

I lie to those friends and say I’m not on social media much. I just don’t like any posts.

[Anonymous]

Dump her. She won’t be around in the future anyway.