How/When to break up with my bf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents know? This is a situation where trusted adults in your life should be aware - and I would advise this no matter what your age.

Haven't you ever heard that old Paul Simon song?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you fear might happen if you break up with him? The phone is fine for a 3-month relationship.

I am afraid he won't handle the info well. I don't know what he is capable of. I just know he acts a little off and gets angry. So I am trying to think of what to say that won't make him mad.

So you’re trying to manage his feelings and control how he responds. Newsflash:Not your issue. The sooner you learn this, the better. Let your parents know what is going on. Break up now and do it over the phone. You will not agree to meet with him. Do not offer to do so. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

I have an 18 YO daughter and if you were my daughter I would tell you to break up with him sooner rather than later. Please tell your parents or another trusted adult so they can be there to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you fear might happen if you break up with him? The phone is fine for a 3-month relationship.

I am afraid he won't handle the info well. I don't know what he is capable of. I just know he acts a little off and gets angry. So I am trying to think of what to say that won't make him mad.

When thinking like this comes up, slow down and spend a little time unpacking what you are worried about here. Do you worry that he will yell at you, say horrible stuff? It sounds like you are concerned he will come over. Would he come over to punish you for breaking up with him or to try to talk you out of it?

It sounds like you have the option of telling him "Your behavior is scary to me and that's why I want to break up" or the option of telling him some variation on "High school is over, and I can't commit to seeing you regularly over the summer so I think we should go our separate ways now." You can do it over the phone. You can text him. Honestly, it doesn't really matter. What you are practicing right now is how to follow your instincts. If it feels unsafe to break up with someone in person, definitely you should break up with them but also you may be right that creating distance is a safety precaution as well.

[Anonymous]

If you are cutting off contact, phone is fine for breakup. You don't owe anything more.

If you want want to maintain friendly acquaintance, break up on person.

You are 18, it was 3 months. This waa fling, not a marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think a public place is fine and kinder but just say that you want to break up because you are going off to college and want to start afresh but enjoyed the time you were together.

[Anonymous]

Please find a safe adult to seek counsel on this. Your parents, your best friend's mom, a friend's older sibling even. I can't tell if you're new to dating, and maybe over dramatizing this, or if there is a lot to be concerned about for your safety. If you were an adult describing their BF to me this way, I'd be advising them to change the locks, block all numbers, and potentially stay with a friend for a week - because what you describe sounds scary. But maybe it's just teen melodrama. But seek an adult, please.

[Anonymous]

Do you live at home?

How close to you does he live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: He hasn't been violent to me before. He did hit someone at school, so he has been violent to others. He has said things that have made me pretty uncomfortable. I am going on vacation in a week, so I don't know if I should wait until then because then he can't come over.

So you can be "too busy to hang out because you have to get ready for your trip." And maybe "your parents are making you do a lot of work/college prep/whatever so they won't let you get together."

NP. Yes, do this. And then break up right before you leave on vacation. Don't engage with him via text or social media while on vacation. If you know a lot of the same people then if you can, don't post on social media at all for awhile. Or block him for most posts and DMs. I wouldn't pretend for the rest of the summer.

[Anonymous]

My sister literally broke up with her high school boyfriend on my parents' back deck before she left for college lol. I remember because it was a whole debacle. But if you are close with your parents perhaps do it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a public place is fine and kinder but just say that you want to break up because you are going off to college and want to start afresh but enjoyed the time you were together.

I would go to a public place and have parents in the car watching. If you do over the phone as people suggest, I do think that could make him likelier to come over because being in person just seems like you are more confident and committed.

[Anonymous]

I think phone is fine.

I bought a book in my early 20’s called “how to dump a guy”. It was purchased as a joke and then ended up gettin passed around all my friends because it was funny, but also had fabulous advice.

You don’t need to give him a reason. You don’t owe him that. Or an in person meeting. In fact, you owe him nothing. Please remember that. It will be MUCH easier if you stick with things like “it’s just not working out” or something vague and keep repeating it. If you give ANY specifics you’re opening the door for him to argue about it, claim he’ll change, etc. If you want to close the door on things, it will be easier not to introduce anything that can be debated.

Good luck and be safe

[Anonymous]

I think over the phone is actually better in this situation. Given some of the other things you’ve said about him, it’s likely he will try to talk you out of breaking up with him. It will be easier to maintain your stance and set clear boundaries via
Phone. And, as others have said, it’s been 3 months …the phone is acceptable. Once it’s done, block his number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: is it bad to do the breakup over the phone - I'm not trying to be a terrible person, but I would feel more comfortable this way.

It’s fine to break up on the phone. I suggest you tell your parent son advance you’re going to and do it at a time they will be home and the doors locked.

[Anonymous]

Also, read The Gift of Fear.

You are doing the right thing by beaking up with him. Then block block block. Don't respond to any of his inquiries/asks to talk. Be strong, and do get your family to back you on this.