How/When to break up with my bf

[Anonymous]

Hi, I am 18 years old and I am about to head off to college in the fall. 3 months ago I started dating a guy. When I first met him, I thought he was a normal sweet guy. But over time his true side was revealed. He started/still is pushing for things that I am not ready for. He is very patronizing, and he constantly acts like he knows what is best. He is also just one of those people who only wants to talk about himself. I don't even think he is listening to what I am saying half the time. It also became obvious that he has serious anger issues. Many people have told me they think he really does have a screw loose. I would have broke up with him awhile ago, but he had already paid for our senior beach trip and he couldn't have gotten a refund. After the beach trip, he went on vacation for a week and now he is back. I didn't want to break up with him on vacation because it was a once in a lifetime trip, and I didn't want to completely ruin it.
Long story short: We are both going to different colleges. He is already texting me to hang out today or tomorrow. I don't know if I should wait until he goes off to college and pretend like the long distance isn't working out or if I should call him today and tell him the truth. I'm trying to not anger him, because honestly I am RLY RLY scared of his reaction.

[Anonymous]

If you're scared of his reaction, ask an adult near you for help. At the very least, do the breakup in a public place where others are around and you'll be safe.

Maybe a nice park in front of the police station?

[Anonymous]

You should call him or text him today and tell him you want to break up. Let a friend know so she can hang out with if you think he will come over and yell at you.

I can't imagine trying to pretend everything is ok for the rest of the summer.

[Anonymous]

OP here: is it bad to do the breakup over the phone - I'm not trying to be a terrible person, but I would feel more comfortable this way.

[Anonymous]

You should break up now ASAP. There will never be the perfect time, something will always pop up. He will try to come visit you at your new college and then it would be harder to use long distance as an excuse.

Why do you fear his reaction? Has he been abusive or violent to you before? Let your parents know the situation, ASAP too. Even if you think it will make them mad.

[Anonymous]

I definitely would break up with him soon, and I would get the support of other people in your life. Are you close with your parents? Aunts/uncles? Family friends? Someone who knows you should know that you are concerned about his reaction to a break-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: is it bad to do the breakup over the phone - I'm not trying to be a terrible person, but I would feel more comfortable this way.

I think it's fine, given that you are only 18 years old and obviously inexperienced on breaking up and have only been dating him for 3 months.
When did he start being mean?

[Anonymous]

Do not wait. Break up now. You need the practice in self-empowerment.

[Anonymous]

OP: He hasn't been violent to me before. He did hit someone at school, so he has been violent to others. He has said things that have made me pretty uncomfortable. I am going on vacation in a week, so I don't know if I should wait until then because then he can't come over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: is it bad to do the breakup over the phone - I'm not trying to be a terrible person, but I would feel more comfortable this way.

This is a case where your safety and comfort are more important than theoretical etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: He hasn't been violent to me before. He did hit someone at school, so he has been violent to others. He has said things that have made me pretty uncomfortable. I am going on vacation in a week, so I don't know if I should wait until then because then he can't come over.

So you can be "too busy to hang out because you have to get ready for your trip." And maybe "your parents are making you do a lot of work/college prep/whatever so they won't let you get together."

[Anonymous]

Break up before going on vacation because otherwise you'll be stressing the whole time you're on vacation.

[Anonymous]

What do you fear might happen if you break up with him? The phone is fine for a 3-month relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you fear might happen if you break up with him? The phone is fine for a 3-month relationship.

I am afraid he won't handle the info well. I don't know what he is capable of. I just know he acts a little off and gets angry. So I am trying to think of what to say that won't make him mad.

[Anonymous]

Do your parents know? This is a situation where trusted adults in your life should be aware - and I would advise this no matter what your age.