Bus stop culture

[Anonymous]

I'll be your friend, OP. When my kids were younger, I hated the bus stop scene. I work PT and could have but never wanted to linger for 30 min chatting about yoga class and the latest vacation.

[Anonymous]

If you drive the kids to school or sit on the car, they will just think you are antisocial or aloof. Which maybe you are. But if you want to he friendly with the neighbors, the bus stop is a good place to do it. As soon as the bus comes, just excuse yourself for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Walk them to the bus stop say “Hi im Sally and this is Larlo and Larla.” And take it from there. Ask their kids names and grades. You might like them. There might be a reason you are unaware of that you haven’t connected yet. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

This.
When you see someone every day, it’s easier to become friendly with them.

Also, I don’t think people think about you as much as you think they do. When my kids were in lower ES, most parents showed up at the bus stop in leggings or even pajama pants.

[Anonymous]

At one point you seem to have wanted to connect with neighbors, based on what you wrote in your post. This seems like a good opportunity to do so.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that you are overthinking this. Why not try walking to the bus stop for the first week then from there decide if something else will work best. Maybe get up and get dressed the first day if you’ll feel better doing so, but I would just come as you are other day. Nod and smile to other parents, if they engage you and you want to engage back, do so, but it’s also totally socially exceptable just to nod good morning if you make eye contact and stand aside with your kids. It sounds like you DID want neighborhood connections but we’re frustrated that people were not responsive to your overtures. The bus stop is a low stakes opportunity to try again and I don’t think you should assume these people DON’T like you - they are just wrapped up in their own lives. Daily interaction will make you part of those lives. Don’t hide in your car wasting gas and denying your kids a few minutes in the morning and evening to be in fresh air and interact in an unstructured way with their peers (which in our own neighborhood, sometimes leads to whiffle ball games or other afternoon fun). From your description, it sounds like your kids are in 3rd or 4th anyway. After the first week you might discover you don’t need to be at the bus stop at all. My kids were definitely walking solo or with neighborhood friends by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At one point you seem to have wanted to connect with neighbors, based on what you wrote in your post. This seems like a good opportunity to do so.

This. Driving the kids to school is only going to exacerbate your issue and confirm their thoughts of your stand-offishness.

[Anonymous]

it would be obvious that I'm avoiding these other parents, and I don't want them to gossip about us

OP, it's a big wide world out there. You do your children no favors by hiding and being so afraid of life.

[Anonymous]

You’re overthinking this! If you want your kids to ride the bus, bring them in whatever you’re wearing, say hi with a friendly smile, and put your kids on the bus. If you prefer to drive them, do that. You don’t have to pretend not to live there just because you aren’t friendly with the other parents.

Also, if you do see the parents, always be bare minimum friendly.

[Anonymous]

You might be in my neighborhood. People are not friendly at all. At the bus stop however things are different. You may be surprised come september.

[Anonymous]

My son has only taken the bus for 2 years, but I don't even know what you're talking about, we just walk him to the bus stop say a few hi's sometimes and sometimes not, he gets on the bus, and I leave, there's no culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At one point you seem to have wanted to connect with neighbors, based on what you wrote in your post. This seems like a good opportunity to do so.

Yeah, I'm not getting this either. You say your neighbors are stand-offish and then you are finding ways to be more stand-offish by avoiding them. Which do you want--friendly relationships or no relationships with your neighbors?

[Anonymous]

Oh man i hated the bus stop. I'm a pretty easy person to chat with but I just couldn't connect with the group of parents there for whatever reason. I just kinda soldiered through it til my kid was old enough to go by himself. I think you need to to what feels right to you, but driving kid every day so you don't have to deal with a few minutes of awkward socializing does seem like overkill. I would just keep at it, maybe someone will surprise you and be friendly.

[Anonymous]

Same boat with DD entering public school and not knowing our neighbors despite trying when we moved in 7 years ago (I went and introduced ourselves when we moved in and then also a few months later when I had surplus veggies and herbs from our garden to share). Expect our house IS the neighborhood bus stop so these people have all been on our front lawn every morning for years. I'm irrationally nervous about walking out our front door and joining them this year!

[Anonymous]

I think when your kids are in the same school as the other kids, there is naturally a lot to talk about.

[Anonymous]

My tips to encourage you to have your DC take the bus;

Walk up with them but not too early(I realize this will take some time to work out and finesse), ideally no more than 10 minutes before the bus is to arrive.

Offer a genuine smile with eye contact once you arrive. Focus on talking to and chatting with your own DC. Say hello to the other neighbors. Be upbeat with a nice expression.

I always say something like, “Hi - I’m Larla,
Alex and Mallory’s Mom.”

First day is huge with both parents showing up taking photos. Great way to meet briefly and share in the excitement.

Repeat at pick up - be just a few minutes early. Re introduce yourself and say hi to the next few parents who walk up.

Remember what you have in common: children, the school and the neighborhood.

Once the bus arrives in the a.m., you can leave. Don’t feel like you have to linger and chat. Same with afternoon. Get your kids and go.

Also, driving DC is such a PITA and particularly harrowing to navigate school drop off and Kiss and Ride lines. Don’t get into this habit or expectation.

Also consider allowing your DC to walk to and from the bus stop (part way, even) without you. Personal decision here but older ES kids don’t need chaperoning to and from the bus stop.

Don’t bring your dog.