Bus stop culture

[Anonymous]

We are returning to public school after several years at private school. Due to the age of the kids, they didn't ride the bus when they were in public school (they were twins in Kindergarten), then we switched to private school after the year of distance learning. Now we are returning to public school.

Anyhow, my question is about bus stop culture. We have lived in our neighborhood for 5 years but do not know any of our neighbors well and most have been standoff-ish. When we moved in no one came by to welcome us, so we took over some chocolates and introduced ourselves to the neighbors, and that is the last time we have talked to any of them. We tried to be friendly and invite them to some backyard BBQs we were having, but they never responded and never attended. For Halloween we see them but it's a quick hello and no small talk. There are no kids who are my kids' ages so we haven't been able to make any neighborhood friends. When I would drive by the bus stop on the way back from private school drop off, I would see both parents waiting with the kids every day. They were laughing and talking and having a great time and they would linger there talking for 30 minutes or more. Same with pick up at the bus stop, usually at pick up only one parent is there.

My husband leaves for work well before the time to go to the bus stop, so it would only be me standing there, trying to make small talk with neighbors who have been lukewarm towards us and who we don't know at all. I am not a morning person and I don't want to put on makeup and get ready for the day just to be presentable to these parents. I always get ready for the day after my kids are at school, then go to work.

I don't want to socialize with my neighbors in this way and I don't want to hang around at the bus stop. My kids are too young to walk to the bus stop themselves. I could drive them and wait in the car but then it would be obvious that I'm avoiding these other parents, and I don't want them to gossip about us.

What should I do? I talked to my husband about this and he thinks I should drive the kids to and from school every day, which I'm fine with doing, but then I think it will also be obvious that we're avoiding the bus.

I remember back to when I rode the bus to school and there was no bus stop culture. My mother would wait with me in the car and then when my bus came she would drive back home, she never talked to any parents and I don't remember if any parents were using the bus stop as social time.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Just walk your kids to the bus, say a polite hello, and leave. Or drive your kids to school. No one is thinking all these things about whether you are avoiding the bus, etc. You are WAY overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

Did you have Trump signs in your yard?

You don’t need to be friends with the bus stop parents. Just nod & smile and talk to your kid until the bus comes.

[Anonymous]

If your kids are in second or third grade, why on earth would you need to stay with them at the bus stop? Do you even need to walk them there after the first day or two?

And agree that you are WAY overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

If you drop the kids off and leave people will assume you're going to work. Which you are. It's no big deal. Driving the kids to school is fine too.

[Anonymous]

You are over thinking this. Introduce yourself and ask the mom’s names and about their kids.

[Anonymous]

you near tysons? sounds very familiar

[Anonymous]

To be honest, the bus stop is the best way to get to know other parents in the neighborhood. I knew almost no one when my son started kindergarten, but have developed friendships with several of the families I met over the years by just getting to know them at the bus stop. No need to hang out for 30 minutes, but just chit chatting for 5 or 10 minutes before the bus arrives could help you get to know your neighbors better. If you just sit in your car or ignore the other parents, that's just odd, and makes you look extremely unfriendly.

[Anonymous]

I am your mom. I've never talked to anyone at the bus stop, even parents I know. I drop my kids off, the bus leaves and I go home or wherever I'm off to after that. There are some parents that talk every morning, but I have zero interest in that. If you want to meet other parents go for it.

[Anonymous]

There is no bus stop culture. You are WAY overthinking this. The bus stop is a good opportunity for your kids to meet other kids at school who aren’t in their class or grade. I wouldn’t deny them that because you’re nervous about talking to the moms. You don’t need make up. Just walk the kids to the stop. You have to get there 10 minutes before the bus is supposed to come. Be mildly friendly at the stop. Then walk home.

No big deal.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never experienced this. In fact, within days of kid starting to take the bus, all the parents (about 10 families) had each other’s phone numbers so we could let others k ow if we were running late, carpool if the bus didn’t show etc. It’s been great. Be friendly. It will be fine

[Anonymous]

Walk them to the bus stop say “Hi im Sally and this is Larlo and Larla.” And take it from there. Ask their kids names and grades. You might like them. There might be a reason you are unaware of that you haven’t connected yet. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, overthinking OP and probably overinterpreting. My best neighborly moments all happened at the bus stop. Maybe the only ones, tbh. My kids are now much too old for parents at the bus stop and I kind of miss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are returning to public school after several years at private school. Due to the age of the kids, they didn't ride the bus when they were in public school (they were twins in Kindergarten), then we switched to private school after the year of distance learning. Now we are returning to public school.

Anyhow, my question is about bus stop culture. We have lived in our neighborhood for 5 years but do not know any of our neighbors well and most have been standoff-ish. When we moved in no one came by to welcome us, so we took over some chocolates and introduced ourselves to the neighbors, and that is the last time we have talked to any of them. We tried to be friendly and invite them to some backyard BBQs we were having, but they never responded and never attended. For Halloween we see them but it's a quick hello and no small talk. There are no kids who are my kids' ages so we haven't been able to make any neighborhood friends. When I would drive by the bus stop on the way back from private school drop off, I would see both parents waiting with the kids every day. They were laughing and talking and having a great time and they would linger there talking for 30 minutes or more. Same with pick up at the bus stop, usually at pick up only one parent is there.

My husband leaves for work well before the time to go to the bus stop, so it would only be me standing there, trying to make small talk with neighbors who have been lukewarm towards us and who we don't know at all. I am not a morning person and I don't want to put on makeup and get ready for the day just to be presentable to these parents. I always get ready for the day after my kids are at school, then go to work.

I don't want to socialize with my neighbors in this way and I don't want to hang around at the bus stop. My kids are too young to walk to the bus stop themselves. I could drive them and wait in the car but then it would be obvious that I'm avoiding these other parents, and I don't want them to gossip about us.

What should I do? I talked to my husband about this and he thinks I should drive the kids to and from school every day, which I'm fine with doing, but then I think it will also be obvious that we're avoiding the bus.

I remember back to when I rode the bus to school and there was no bus stop culture. My mother would wait with me in the car and then when my bus came she would drive back home, she never talked to any parents and I don't remember if any parents were using the bus stop as social time.

Any advice?

God, you sound like me. I overthink everything too. Trust me, just avoid it, nothing great coming from bus stop drop off. AND nowadays al the kids are on their phones not socializing like we did when we waited for the bus. Those were good times back then, fights, love interests and running after each other being silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kids are in second or third grade, why on earth would you need to stay with them at the bus stop? Do you even need to walk them there after the first day or two?

And agree that you are WAY overthinking this.

I would never leave a 2nd or 3rd grader on a curb without a chaperone. DP