18-month-old barely speaks/has extreme separation anxiety

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandchildren all live close to me, so we see them frequently. The current youngest is an 18-month-old boy. His parents have heard him say words but I never have. He definitely doesn't use words often, not even momma or daddy. He also won't separate from his parents, with the exception of his caregivers and one aunt who looks quite similar to mom. He just cries and cries and cries when his parents are out of sight, even when we try to distract him with fun things. It's clearly exhausting to my daughter and she doesn't give in to the incessant crying - if she needs to walk away (to go to bathroom, to change for the pool, to get something from the car, etc.), she does. His dad is a bit more of a softy but both are really good parents and this is their second child (so not new parents). I think it's time to suggest an evaluation by the Birth-Age 3 program in our state but came here first to ask if anyone has experienced something similar. At what age does it become a serious concern?

He speaks to his parents, and is comfortable with multiple caregivers and an aunt. It sounds like he is not comfortable with you and doesn’t speak to you. This may be upsetting because you’re a loving, involved grandparent, but that doesn’t mean he needs an evaluation. Leave this to his parents who sound like they know what they’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal to me. If you download the cdc milestone tracker the amount of language to meet the milestone is minimal 3 or more words besides mama, dada and following one step directions. If the parents have heard words then that's good enough. Separation anxiety is VERY NORMAL at this age. Let the parents handle it in conjunction with their pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandchildren all live close to me, so we see them frequently. The current youngest is an 18-month-old boy. His parents have heard him say words but I never have. He definitely doesn't use words often, not even momma or daddy. He also won't separate from his parents, with the exception of his caregivers and one aunt who looks quite similar to mom. He just cries and cries and cries when his parents are out of sight, even when we try to distract him with fun things. It's clearly exhausting to my daughter and she doesn't give in to the incessant crying - if she needs to walk away (to go to bathroom, to change for the pool, to get something from the car, etc.), she does. His dad is a bit more of a softy but both are really good parents and this is their second child (so not new parents). I think it's time to suggest an evaluation by the Birth-Age 3 program in our state but came here first to ask if anyone has experienced something similar. At what age does it become a serious concern?

He speaks to his parents, and is comfortable with multiple caregivers and an aunt. It sounds like he is not comfortable with you and doesn’t speak to you. This may be upsetting because you’re a loving, involved grandparent, but that doesn’t mean he needs an evaluation. Leave this to his parents who sound like they know what they’re doing.

+1

[Anonymous]

My 30 month old just had private SLP eval, one appt and then a separate state EI eval.

She has 3 older siblings, had limited regular social play with peers compared to siblings (mostly because of family stress at time, not covid but I do think others' masking played a role in her eye contact preferences) and was late for many milestones. Didnt break a tooth til 12 months!

Its really hard not to compare her to siblings. But I remind myself her childhood has been very different, she gets less one on one than my oldest (who frankly probably could quote shakespeare at that age but also shit his pants in kindergarten and first, hah) and we are now getting the tools to catch her up as much as she can.

At 2.5 she is where my others were at 18-20 months verbally. These stories of PPs saying their quiet kids had happy endings is reassuring to me. Thank you

[Anonymous]

I don't recall my chatty 10 yo having words at 18 months. And she cried every morning at daycare until age 3.

[Anonymous]

Does this kid have receptive speech?

[Anonymous]

My friends’ daughter didn’t utter a word until she was 2yo and hasn’t stopped talking since.

[Anonymous]

OP the separation anxiety is well within normal range for that age (can spike at 18 months and some kids just have it worse), but very few words if any, and no or very little mama and dada is definitely considered a delay at that age. Yes he is young! yes he will probably have an explosion eventually! most kids do. But that doesn't mean your gut isn't right that that he is slower than average to gain words. FWIW my brother's son just had an eval with infant toddler (virginia's birth -3) and was eligible for services. He signs words, has 1-2 words but not super consistent, only says dada some of the time. They said he was at what they expect from a 12 month old and is eligible for services.

Parents memories are often a little off so I wouldn't take dcums say on it. You sound like a good grandparent and if the parents express a little concern about it, you can share that there is a good resource in early intervention and it can't hurt anything to get an eval. It is often free.

[Anonymous]

I should say, brother's child who I described is 18 months old as well and qualified.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she might have words but doesn't use them when you are around. And possibly doesn't have a lot of words.

It is unclear if this is a speech issue and/or anxiety. 18 months is very young for this, but if she continues to not have words around people other than her parents, I'd look into selective mutism (if this is a factor, there are simple strategies parents/caregivers can use to help, especially at a young age).

I do not see the harm of getting an evaluation through early intervention. It's free, and it can be really helpful. At a minimum it will ease any worries the parents have, or it may offer really helpful supports.

[Anonymous]

Mom of two boys here, and neither spoke anything at 18 months. Really caused a lot of stress and I did get an evaluation done for my second. Turns out they weren't concerned and had pretty low standards (30 words by 2). With older son, even with the 5-10 words he knew, he rarely spoke them (rarely said mama or dada for example). It was almost like he just didn't feel the need to speak. With both kids, language exploded around 2-2.5. Feel free to ask your daughter about the speaking but I would not push it. As second time parents, it's likely already on their radar, and again, this is VERY common for boys.

[Anonymous]

Stranger danger is pretty common until age 2. Also, boys speak later than girls on average. Unless the child's pediatrician is worried (there is usually a routine pediatric visit around 18 months) then I wouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandchildren all live close to me, so we see them frequently. The current youngest is an 18-month-old boy. His parents have heard him say words but I never have. He definitely doesn't use words often, not even momma or daddy. He also won't separate from his parents, with the exception of his caregivers and one aunt who looks quite similar to mom. He just cries and cries and cries when his parents are out of sight, even when we try to distract him with fun things. It's clearly exhausting to my daughter and she doesn't give in to the incessant crying - if she needs to walk away (to go to bathroom, to change for the pool, to get something from the car, etc.), she does. His dad is a bit more of a softy but both are really good parents and this is their second child (so not new parents). I think it's time to suggest an evaluation by the Birth-Age 3 program in our state but came here first to ask if anyone has experienced something similar. At what age does it become a serious concern?

He speaks to his parents, and is comfortable with multiple caregivers and an aunt. It sounds like he is not comfortable with you and doesn’t speak to you. This may be upsetting because you’re a loving, involved grandparent, but that doesn’t mean he needs an evaluation. Leave this to his parents who sound like they know what they’re doing.

+1

+2 I've been in your daughter's position and the overbearing grandparent who made a meal out of the issue only made things worse. Always commenting "he doesn't talk" and "he's so shy" in front of my child all the time was NOT helpful. If the child speaks to the parents, then the child speaks. There may separately be an anxiety issue / selective mutism, but (unless they have expressly asked for your advice) it sounds like the parents are capable of assessing the situation on their own.

[Anonymous]

That kid is old. Teach the kid chores, follow directions, it's ok to be angry, sit and breathe and relax.

No one can calm down a baby and even less a 18 month old, too old baby. They can walk already. Talk to him like any other kid. Teach dicipline. Stop baying him, the parents needs to stop the babying.
Say I see you feel sad, angry. Sit down and relax and then you can come play.

Only the kid can calm down by itself. Need to learn to regulate its own temper and emotions.

Or it's gonna be tough when the kid starts going to pre k, etc. More job to teachers, then you gotta find another preschool.