18-month-old barely speaks/has extreme separation anxiety

[Anonymous]

My grandchildren all live close to me, so we see them frequently. The current youngest is an 18-month-old boy. His parents have heard him say words but I never have. He definitely doesn't use words often, not even momma or daddy. He also won't separate from his parents, with the exception of his caregivers and one aunt who looks quite similar to mom. He just cries and cries and cries when his parents are out of sight, even when we try to distract him with fun things. It's clearly exhausting to my daughter and she doesn't give in to the incessant crying - if she needs to walk away (to go to bathroom, to change for the pool, to get something from the car, etc.), she does. His dad is a bit more of a softy but both are really good parents and this is their second child (so not new parents). I think it's time to suggest an evaluation by the Birth-Age 3 program in our state but came here first to ask if anyone has experienced something similar. At what age does it become a serious concern?

[Anonymous]

My 18 year old was a lot like that at 18 months. I was never concerned but others around me were. He's heading off to a top college in a few months. He's known for his public speaking ability and has zero qualms about attending college out of state.

My kid was clingy for several years. He spoke a handful of words at 18 months but by 24 months was well above average.

[Anonymous]

You're such a good grandparent, OP!

He definitely needs an evaluation. Why hasn't the pediatrician expressed concerns at his last check-up? Was it because the parents said he had some words?

My oldest was born premature and had a language delay, and needed extensive therapies. We had him evaluated at 14 months old. My second was born on time but had anxiety and selective mutism. However, I wasn't too worried and she grew out of it. So it could go both ways, and the only way to know is to have your grandchild evaluated. There's no shame in it, and it's better to be safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

Is he doing screen time?
Lack of speech is very concerning.

[Anonymous]

OP here. No screen time beyond a normal amount of children's shows in the background on the TV sometimes. No use of the parent's phones or a tablet, etc.
To the PP that had a similar child at 18 months - did you do anything specific to encourage his speech development and/or improve his independence? His mother had speech therapy as a preschooler but it wasn't due to lack of speech, it was articulation.

[Anonymous]

A screening won’t hurt. My oldest was a bit like this though he still wasn’t talking until he was older and when he did, he was speaking in simple sentences. I got him screened twice. He just didn’t feel the need to talk. He got his points across to people though. He’s a big introvert and doesn’t like to talk much — though he talks plenty around friends.

That’s just to say, it might not be an issue though getting input from an SLP and others would help rule out any issues. I had friends whose children had issues — in one case autism (though there were other signs) and one case where it was a muscular issue.

It is a bit unsettling when kids are on the late end of the normal range for milestones. That’s another thing to remember. The milestones have a range of normal. My second kid was an early talker, so that he and his brother started talking basically at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he should see a pediatric ENT to rule out needing ear tubes. Once we got those at almost age 3, DD's speech really took off. Wish we saw the ENT sooner

[Anonymous]

And, we did speech therapy beginning at age 2. County will probably send a worker to their home FREE.

[Anonymous]

My 18-month-old doesn’t have any separation anxiety but also doesn’t say words his caregivers understand. I was thinking of putting him on the wait list for EI when he didn’t have any words at 15 months but was so busy I didn’t get around to it and now that he’s (admittedly barely) meeting milestones. But my older child has a similar trajectory — barely any words until about 20 months and now talking normally at 3 — and according to my mother so did my sisters and I. So I don’t know that your grandchild needs intervention immediately but it’s worth keeping in mind and definitely can’t hurt to pursue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he doing screen time?
Lack of speech is very concerning.

Having a few words is not “lack of speech”. And only a few words at 18 months is totally normal and not concerning. What is it with DCUM thinking every kid should be reciting Shakespeare at 18 months??

That said, evaluations are free and can give you a gauge of where your kid is. So if it would make you feel better, no reason not to evaluate.

[Anonymous]

Is the child able to communicate their wants and needs without crying?

[Anonymous]

This all sounds well within the range of normal to me. 18 months is round two of separation anxiety, and I think my ped just wanted consistent, correct use of a couple words by the age. Also totally normal for a kid going through separation anxiety to not use his (limited) words around people he’s not close to.

(Fwiw, my first didn’t have a bad separation anxiety at that age but my second did, and my second had 50 words at 18 months while my first had zero and qualified for speech therapy.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all sounds well within the range of normal to me. 18 months is round two of separation anxiety, and I think my ped just wanted consistent, correct use of a couple words by the age. Also totally normal for a kid going through separation anxiety to not use his (limited) words around people he’s not close to.

(Fwiw, my first didn’t have a bad separation anxiety at that age but my second did, and my second had 50 words at 18 months while my first had zero and qualified for speech therapy.)

+1. And my first didn’t really have any words until 23 months. It’s not that uncommon and often it’s just how the kid is wired.

[Anonymous]

The parents say they have heard words, so it’s weird to me that just because YOU haven’t heard them you feel right declaring the child speech delayed. If he Speaks to the parents, then he speaks. Are the parents concerned about speech delay? Is their pediatrician?

Extreme separation anxiety at this age can be totally normal. Sometimes it’s not, but usually it is.

This post sounds like an overbearing grandparent.

[Anonymous]

There's always going to be someone on DCUM that assumes that every family is dysfunctional, as opposed to close and supportive. Not every concerned family member is overbearing, sometimes it's the opposite - don't want to overstep, wondering what others think before causing potentially unnecessary worry.