is this a typical experience? So frustrated!
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Anonymous
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I’m
Surprised he’s tired enough to fall asleep in the morning now he’s 18 mos if he’s only napping once on the weekend. I agree you need to be more assertive about that. Ask her now he’s getting older if she would like ideas of things to do in the mornings too. Or would she like you to suggest some. Can you sign him up for a music class, toddler gymnastics? Or similar? Do you have a local library that has toddler story time. Playing in the house or only going to a playground sounds boring 5 days a week. |
Anonymous
| OP I agree with you that your nanny seems to be phoning it in and really barely meeting reasonable expectations for a professional, well paid nanny. You can talk to her and try to get her to do better but I’d be surprised if that fully works. You are probably going to need to find another childcare option. I would not want my toddler spending all day being chatty with a nanny that doesn’t reply. |
Anonymous
Interesting! We’re paying between those ranges plus benefits. It was more than she asked for but maybe not enough. |
Anonymous
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Former nanny here--you do get burned out and it can be hard to make the switch to a different line of work even when you know you need to. Covid was hard for me because I had older siblings home too--first because school was closed and then because the schools were on zoom for a year. Everything was cancelled or closed in terms of activities we did pre-covid--no story time, no music classes or events etc. It was really hard.
I don't love crafts because of the mess--I did them when I was a new nanny but got burned out on the mess and really they don't really need or care much about them most of the time (especially boys for some reason.) So--yeah, you nanny very may be burned out. Maybe she prefers infants who sleep a lot. Maybe she needs a mental reboot. Who knows. I also think nannies see the kids in a different way than parents--parents often say oh they don't need a nap anymore or they only need one nap, when with the nanny that is clearly not the case--they're falling asleep in the stroller or car or melting down because they're so over tired from only one nap or no nap on the weekend. If your toddler is falling asleep easily for two naps, then they still need it. It's fine to start pushing the morning nap back and pulling the afternoon one forward until they merge, but I wouldn't go from two naps to napping at 1 pm. That's ludicrous. Start by napping at 10:30 instead of 10 and then 10:45, then 11 and it very well may stick at 11 for a long time. It's ok to nap through lunch. Crafts--eh, I wouldn't worry about that as much. Bubbles--yeah, that's easy and fun. You can put some bubbles in 2-3 shallow bowls or saucers with food color and blow the bubbles onto watercolor paper and have "art" that way with less clean up. Maybe she needs some fresh ideas, or a cohort of other nannies to do things with and take turns hosting or meeting up. Nannying is isolating and having parents work from home isn't fun at all. Good luck with whatever you decide. |
Anonymous
OP here again - this is so helpful! As a former nanny how would you recommend approaching these topics with her? This morning I mentioned toddler's sleep has been wonky (fighting going down and early wakings), and with it getting hotter midday during their usual playground time, I would like him to be on one nap by the end of the week. She had a stoic response. Thinking I'll follow up asking her if she has any concerns about it and that I'm fine with her taking a gradual approach with the timing, etc.? Super cute bubble idea! Should I do it with them the first time to get the ball rolling, or would that be too much? |
Anonymous
Pp here. I meant, since we only had a little until preschool i let the behavior go. I told the nanny that on month x, my kid would be starting preschool. I gave her about 3 weeks notice and a month severance pay (she was with us for 2.5 years), posted an ad for her on a moms group etc. I wrote all truth that she is a good nanny for babies/infants and i would trust her with my kids. |
Anonymous
| pp, if she was with your dc until 3 yrs, it is not just infants she was good with |
Anonymous
Approaching her could be easy or hard depending on her personality, but I'd approach it as a "we'd like to start merging naps" type thing. Be realistic that there might be days (or a few days) where the baby still needs 2 naps or needs to go down at the old time but might be able to power through the afternoon (or have a cat nap in the afternoon.) If your baby usually goes down at 10, for example, ask her to push it to 10:15 for a couple of days, then 10:30. Tell her you're merging naps, and are hoping to have one nap from 11-2 (or whatever it ends up being, but I think 11-2 is realistic to start with) within a month. In a few months you can try to push it back again to get it to noon. Make her feel like you're all on the same team, and this will help them to be able to do more/longer outings and will help provide consistency with what you're doing on the weekends. (Keep in mind there will be days when things go perfectly and days they slide backward. Moving naps is like a roller coaster, not a linear line.) There are some books on toddler crafts, maybe get a one or two that have super simple stuff, but I'm not going to lie--toddler crafts are not much fun until they're about 3. I wasn't able to find it in a google search, and I don't remember the name, but there was a great craft book that bought a couple of copies of that had easy set up ahead young kid crafts that could be scaled up or down depending on age/interest/skill level. Lots of tissue paper and paper plates involved and I could set up stuff for several of them, put the pieces in a baggie until we were ready to make it--paper plate bunnies w/ cotton tail, paper plate and construction paper monster trucks or rocket ship, fish, sun, sail boat, that sort of thing. For younger kids, playdo is good, or bubbles, or scribbling on paper or finger paints, but that's about the extent of it. Playdo makes a nice starter kit that has a couple of colors, a rolling pin, some "scissors", shape cutters and "knife" in a carrying bag for about $10 which is perfect. You can also save egg cartons and cut them up. Cut in half length wise to make a caterpillar--paint them and add some pipe cleaner antenna and google eyes. Cut them into twos to make an owl face or whatever. Use the top part w/o the egg compartments for a paint pallet. Don't go crazy buying pipe cleaners though--parents tend to go overboard on them and no one really knows what to do with them aside from the occasional antenna.  Buy all the googly eyes you want though--you can never have enough googly eyes. Also, don't underestimate tape. Little kids love tape--Washi tape, scotch tape, masking tape, duct tape, orange tape, blue tape, all the tape. Give them some tape and help tearing it, and let them go to town on a big sheet of paper. Maybe tear some pictures out of magazines and let them tape them to a piece of paper. Also dot paints can be fun and relatively easy to clean up--not at all messy like finger paint.
Anyway--just kicking some ideas out there in case your nanny is just bored with the same ol' same ol'. Sometimes you need fresh ideas to reinvigorate yourself and get your creative juices flowing again. Good luck--I hope it all works out really well for all of you! |
Anonymous
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Craft projects are developmentally appropriate. They are done for parent’s benefit but at that age they just frustrate the kid and last all of a few minutes. If you want something craft like - stickers or cheap bandaids - and plain paper. Can help with fine motor if you help get it started.
Bubbles are fine. Get a bubble machine. Have you ever played bubbles with your kid? Blocks are an awesome toy btw. Scoopers, tongs and stuff to pick up and pot in containers. Oh yeah you know those shape sorters and the rock a stack toy? Those are developmentally appropriate @18 mths and up. That’s when a child can do those type of toys independently |
Anonymous
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As the mom of a similar aged toddler (and a couple older kids), I’m going to recommend letting the idea of crafts go. It’s really hard to supervise while setting them up, makes a mess, and then you have to try to supervise while cleaning.
She should be doing engaging activities, but keep it very simple. Bubbles are great. Highly recommend a water table too. Is your nanny able to drive? Ours takes our toddler places — library story time, the pool, play places, various parks, etc. or sometimes I’ll ask her to run an errand like Target or get a few items from the grocery store. My DS is happy to people watch from a shopping cart. I agree with you on the 1 nap thing though. We’ve been down to 1 nap since about 14 months and the daycare we used with our older kids also started transition to 1 nap once they were in the 12-18 month room. I’d be concerned she’s trying to extend on the clock nap hours to sit on her phone. |
Anonymous
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The chatty thing is concerning. I was fortunate enough to sah during those years and talked constantly. Always using normal speech and big words. My kids have huge vocabularies.
This is so important at this age and she’s on the clock. She can do it for 8freakin hours … Your gut is right |
Anonymous
| She sounds horrible to me. We had to fire our first nanny bc she kept telling us she knew better as she was a career nanny. We then had a string of great Nannies for several years each (they quit bc one got married and pregnant and the other moved out of state with her husbands transfer), and they all happened to be on the younger side with less experience as a nanny but were exceptional. Now our most recent nanny also phoned it in, which was so frustrating so we fired her. I’d try a week or so of very specific asks. It’s not her decision about naps, what activities, etc. I also think I’d get rid of her for the minimal interactions/talking. Our good Nannies have been the opposite in that they always showed up with ideas and questions if they could go to certain parks, the zoo, sign up for classes, do this art project, etc. |
Anonymous
| What’s happening in the room when it’s quiet? Is your child playing happily? I think sometimes that moms talking incessantly must be exhausting for kids. It’s possible that this is just a different way, and your child will adapt to it. With mom? Chatter and water play. With nanny? Quieter and calm play. If you like her otherwise, and your child seems happy, don’t mess with it. The nap thing though- you have to just tell her. |
Anonymous
You need to be more direct OP. You are going to have problems with any nanny if you aren’t able to clearly and directly tell them what you want them to do. If you want both naps merged by the end of the week, right now the times for the naps this week on a sheet of paper (Monday is 10am and 2pm, Tuesday is 10:30 and 1:30, etc), then hand her the sheet of paper and explain that because you want the naps merged, you’re asking her to put him down at these times this week. You can’t make her engage or respond to him when he talks, and you might end up needing to fire her over that. But the other parts of this are things you can work on that will help you too. You’re paying her plenty. Pay is not the problem. I’d sign them up for a Music Together class, which is very interactive, and maybe a baby gymnastics class. He doesn’t need to do art at home. With the classes, you say, “I’ve signed you and Larlo up for Music Together every Tuesday at 9am. I’m really looking forward to hearing how he likes it!” And she goes. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| I nannied an 18 month old once whose mom did not want them to nap at a certain time and it was a nightmare. The child would fall asleep while I was reading to them, holding them, feeding them. Nothing kept them awake and it was hell trying to keep them up anyway. |