Is this normal? Therapy related

[Anonymous]

Bottom line: this is all super normal for therapy and honestly it sounds like you’ve got a good therapist.

Therapy digging up some old stuff that seems unrelated to your current issue but actually isn’t (like your eating disorder and it’s underlying causes) is super common.

Finding things in therapy that make you be like, “well, yeah, doesn’t everyone?” When the answer is - “umm no” - also super common.

Therapy harkening back to your childhood? Yeah, there’s a reason it’s a cliche. Our emotional pathways get set as kids. That’s just how it is.

There is one leap in your reasoning that I want to call out - it’s not about “blaming” your parents. You’re right - you’re in your 40s. You are in charge of you, not your parents. And outside of abusive situations, I don’t think “blaming” them is productive or fair. It’s about UNDERSTANDING how different approaches to child rearing combined with your life experiences combined with your innate personality may have combined to create some emotional pathways that aren’t healthy. As a “graduate” of therapy and a parent myself, I can see that parenting is incredibly hard, there is no manual, and the “manuals” you do have (parenting books, trends of the day, stuff passed down from your parents, your own intuition) can be flawed, unreliable, and contradictory (and helpful! And fabulous! It’s a mixed bag). Different kids need different things in different moments. It’s not possible to bat .1000 for 18 straight years. Not. Possible.

So, you go to therapy, you figure out what got you into some unhealthy emotional patterns, you break those patterns, and you try to avoid these pitfalls with the next generation.

Oh, and while I’m also anxious, I have no self hate and high self esteem. What you’re describing is NOT normal and your therapist is right to call it out and focus on it.

It’s hard for me to understand the mechanism for why understanding the source of an emotional problem can help solve it. But having been there, it does, or at least, it can. Give it time, no, it won’t happen overnight, and it might always be something you have to struggle with a bit. But you can absolutely get better.

Good luck!