DD first mean girl experience help

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like a cute gift.

Sorry for your daughter, OP, but hopefully she'll be able to get over it once these immediate harsh-feeling emotions are out of her system.

I think the 'friend' was out of line for saying that, but as others have said, I'd take your daughter's lead and not interfere.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a cute gift. Is the birthday girl special needs?

[Anonymous]

It does sound like a cute gift. The other girl said something rude and careless, but I don't think this sounds like deliberate mean girl behavior. I can understand why your daughter's feelings were hurt and why she feels embarrassed but I'm guessing things will cool down if you leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you let her give someone hand sanitizer as a birthday present. You steered her in the wrong direction, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you let her give someone hand sanitizer as a birthday present. You steered her in the wrong direction, OP.

Try reading. It was a collection of scented hand sanitizers and covers. The birthday girl likes them.

[Anonymous]

That’s a total mean girl. My DD 10 has had to deal with girls like this many many times. It sucks, and I tell my kid that that girl is insecure so she makes fun of others. How sad is that?

[Anonymous]

B-day girl was immature and rude. Your DD also need to learn to communicate and give space for forgiveness. I wouldn't encourage cutting friends out every time she feels slighted, she'll end up pretty lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t mean girl behavior. They are 13. The other girl was insensitive and had poor manners, but it doesn’t sound like she was trying to be mean.

If your DD feels slighted and doesn’t want to be her friends, fine. I would just support her and stay neutral.

If she was 6 years old I could get the excuses but a 13 year old ridiculing a friend’s gift is not someone I would want to know. She must have been trying to impress the ones who laughed.

I’ve never heard such an Ill mannered comment said out loud meant to humiliate a friend. At 13 the trashy kids start to show who they are that’s why there’s so many friend changes. I hope your DD finds a nicer group of kids to spend time with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:B-day girl was immature and rude. Your DD also need to learn to communicate and give space for forgiveness. I wouldn't encourage cutting friends out every time she feels slighted, she'll end up pretty lonely.

That wasn’t a slight, that was nasty and viscous at the expense of a supposed friend. Kids fight and break up and get together again. This wasn’t about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B-day girl was immature and rude. Your DD also need to learn to communicate and give space for forgiveness. I wouldn't encourage cutting friends out every time she feels slighted, she'll end up pretty lonely.

That wasn’t a slight, that was nasty and viscous at the expense of a supposed friend. Kids fight and break up and get together again. This wasn’t about that.

It was a stupid comment, but I guarantee, much worse will be coming down the line. Sounds like the birthday girl misnavigated a situation, maybe embarrassed and wrongly redirected it to OP's child and likely has no idea she hurt her friend's feelings to this extent. 13 year olds shouldn't be held to the same social standards as adults. This is an opportunity for growth.

[Anonymous]

It’s just as likely that birthday girl was embarrassed to have perhaps a silly hobby exposed to a whole group of girls, maybe some of which are “cool” surface friends.

It was rude but ending a friendship over one flub isn’t healthy behavior either. Better to teach our kids to communicate their hurt feelings and see how the friend responds. And make a decision from there. If your daughter decides to cut off friends over every similar incident you might be in for a lot more of this. I know teens who behave like that and it’s not gone well in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 13 and this is her first mean girl issue? She's lucky! Maybe she got it wrong and the girl collects scented hand lotion but not hand sanitizer. Whatever, she should shrug it off. The best social skill you can have is being able to laugh at yourself and being able to defuse a situation. She should have laughed too and said "Yeah, I wanted you to be prepared to perform all kinds of surgery" or "Yep, this way you can coordinate with your outfits" or something. Just roll with the joke instead of taking offense.

"What kind of person makes it all the way to 13 without learning even basic manners?" Joke's on you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just asked my 13 year old how she would feel if someone gave her hand sanitizer in a basket for her birthday. She chuckled and said she'd say thank you, and wouldn't be rude becauae she wouldnt want that eorson to feel bad, but, she'd be wondering why someone would give that as a gift. Your DD will be fine. I don't know if it's worth ending a friendship over. It's totally up to her on that. Make sure she knows going forward, what is appropriate to give as a gift and what is not.

No shade, but do people actually ask their kids about things on here? "Hey Suzie, Mommy's imaginary friend on the internet has a kid your age, let me tell you what went down and you can tell me what you think.."

[Anonymous]

It’s hard as a parent but step away and let them figure it out. Be there to listen and try to refrain from giving any advice, unless specifically asked.

Around that age my son wrapped up a huge candy bar as part of a present because it was one of his friend’s favorites. Everyone burst out in laughter at the party and comments were said like who gives candy as a present (many of them…but that’s what he remembered). He felt embarrassed and told me to never buy candy for friends again.

It was quickly forgotten and everyone moved on. And they all enjoyed candy again. It’s their hormones and lack of social skills at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t mean girl behavior. They are 13. The other girl was insensitive and had poor manners, but it doesn’t sound like she was trying to be mean.

If your DD feels slighted and doesn’t want to be her friends, fine. I would just support her and stay neutral.

If she was 6 years old I could get the excuses but a 13 year old ridiculing a friend’s gift is not someone I would want to know. She must have been trying to impress the ones who laughed.

I’ve never heard such an Ill mannered comment said out loud meant to humiliate a friend. At 13 the trashy kids start to show who they are that’s why there’s so many friend changes. I hope your DD finds a nicer group of kids to spend time with.

Birthday girl thought it was a funny gag gift/joke and laughed. It was rude..but not deliberately mean