FIL left MIL. Family dynamics

[Anonymous]

I would be more worried that my husband didn’t confide in me. Could the MIL have sworn him to secrecy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more worried that my husband didn’t confide in me. Could the MIL have sworn him to secrecy?

This, definitely. His Mom is mortified and has asked him not to tell anyone. He's in a difficult place trying to honor that wish. The MIL shouldn't have asked for secrecy between spouses, but she is reeling right now amd not at her best, so cut her some slack.

[Anonymous]

It would be completely bizarre for my husband not to tell me this. All the posters on here acting like this is ok, are also being very odd. Spouses tell each other these things.

I would be quite upset. And frankly, I would just bring it up with him.

[Anonymous]

I think the MIL theory is a good one. I too would be upset (maybe not the right word, more concerned?) that my husband wasn’t sharing such an important family upheaval with me. I would be honest with him that you discovered this information and tell him that when he is ready to talk, you would like to discuss it with him, and let him know that you are sad for him and his side of the family that this is all going on. Then wait it out until he is ready to discuss. No way would I compound the secrecy by not telling him that I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait. He's processing and not ready to talk about it

Maybe.

If he’s always this private and different agenda.

This is something I’d def be talking about at home w a trusted partner. That said there isn’t much for you both to do unless finances are now a big issue for MIL or FIL and there must be some drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be more worried that my husband didn’t confide in me. Could the MIL have sworn him to secrecy?

This, definitely. His Mom is mortified and has asked him not to tell anyone. He's in a difficult place trying to honor that wish. The MIL shouldn't have asked for secrecy between spouses, but she is reeling right now amd not at her best, so cut her some slack.

Wow. OP. First time I’ve literally ever posted this but MYOB!

[Anonymous]

MIL should be thrilled that some dummy has taken responsibility for her old man.

Old men are mostly ill tempered, demanding, add little value, and just drain their wives until their dying breath. If this jackass voluntarily left, MIL should throw a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait. He's processing and not ready to talk about it

This. When my dad was very ill/ dying I sometimes it would take a while to give my spouse the details as things started to deteriorate. It was painful to talk about and it was just a way of avoiding reality, honestly.

[Anonymous]

I would be extremely mad at my spouse for keeping secrets. It would create a huge issue.

[Anonymous]

It’s only been a couple weeks and they were married 40+ years? Jesus give him a break and give him some time to process.

I’ve been married for 40+ years myself, and we’re close with our adult kids and get along very, very well with all of their spouses. Our marriage hasn’t been a bed of roses the entire time either, and our kids know it, but I’d be very surprised to learn that they share everything they know about their parents’ marriage with their spouses. There’s still SOME line that can and should be drawn between telling your spouse everything and respecting your parents’ (and siblings’) privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s only been a couple weeks and they were married 40+ years? Jesus give him a break and give him some time to process.

I’ve been married for 40+ years myself, and we’re close with our adult kids and get along very, very well with all of their spouses. Our marriage hasn’t been a bed of roses the entire time either, and our kids know it, but I’d be very surprised to learn that they share everything they know about their parents’ marriage with their spouses. There’s still SOME line that can and should be drawn between telling your spouse everything and respecting your parents’ (and siblings’) privacy.

I mean, to be fair, there’s a lot between “sharing everything they know about a marriage and “the marriage is over,” no?
My guess is he doesn’t know how to talk about it, is embarrassed, doesn’t want to face it. I’d bring it up to to get that part out of the way, tell him I’m sorry, I’m hear to talk whenever he’s ready, and leave it be. I would not make things worse by talking about hurt I am, why didn’t he tell me, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL should be thrilled that some dummy has taken responsibility for her old man.

Old men are mostly ill tempered, demanding, add little value, and just drain their wives until their dying breath. If this jackass voluntarily left, MIL should throw a party.

This. MIL is going to love her new life.
MIL and DH are embarrassed. Let them deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s only been a couple weeks and they were married 40+ years? Jesus give him a break and give him some time to process.

I’ve been married for 40+ years myself, and we’re close with our adult kids and get along very, very well with all of their spouses. Our marriage hasn’t been a bed of roses the entire time either, and our kids know it, but I’d be very surprised to learn that they share everything they know about their parents’ marriage with their spouses. There’s still SOME line that can and should be drawn between telling your spouse everything and respecting your parents’ (and siblings’) privacy.

Nope. Spouses share info about their parents and the state of their marriages. Don't tell your children anything that you don't want in-laws to know too.