Estranged Son an Daughter

[Anonymous]

If you continue to favor your son and minimize and/or invalidate your daughter's experience and feelings you will likely end up estranged from your daughter.

The best thing you can do is get therapy to figure out how to support your son without enabling and reinforcing the wrong behavior and how to respect your daughter.

[Anonymous]

They don’t like each other. They are adults and should not be forced to be together. Invite them to spend time with you separately.

[Anonymous]

Have you come to terms with the fact that you’ve treated your daughter as a second class citizen in your home all these years?
If not, work on that OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’m sorry for your kids that you enabled any one of them to be a bully. Parenting kids is so much more than housing, clothing and feeding them. Education begins at home and education in character is the most important obligation of a parent. The interaction between siblings is fertile ground for this education and guidance. As the daughter of parents who allowed and even encouraged my elder sibling to bully me physically and emotionally for my entire childhood and young adulthood until I estranged myself from all three of them at 30, I have no judgment for your daughter. You are lucky she still has a relationship with you. If you want to keep it, you need to STFU about her estrangement from her brother. You let this happen and it is way too late now for you to try to play the fixer. The only thing you should do is apologize to both your kids for failing them as a parent.

My kids were ALWAYS scolded if teasing someone else. My daughter is the only of the 5 to bully. I did not encourage my son to grab my daughter, but I understood how it happened. I did remind him he is stronger then he realizes. If he bullied her then I would be livid also.

[Anonymous]

You let one child bully another their entire life and are shocked you are estranged from that child. Start by apologizing to that child and standing up for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you come to terms with the fact that you’ve treated your daughter as a second class citizen in your home all these years?
If not, work on that OP

She got spoiled silly. She was the youngest and got away with stuff that none of the older ones would have. Plus we were so busy keeping my one son in line and off drugs that we let stuff slide with this daughter we never should have. That is why she feels entitled to bully the adult son who grew up very learning disabled since he is "Weird" in her eyes. She is fine with her homosexual and transgender friends (which I am glad she is) but judges the "socially different". She wouldn't even come to Christmas one year because her autistic nephew was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don’t like each other. They are adults and should not be forced to be together. Invite them to spend time with you separately.

The son is skipping Christmas. I feel so sad for him but he said he is uncomfortable being bullied. Of course I can't not invite any of my kids and will see my son later that week but I feel sad for him having to choose to be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you come to terms with the fact that you’ve treated your daughter as a second class citizen in your home all these years?
If not, work on that OP

She got spoiled silly. She was the youngest and got away with stuff that none of the older ones would have. Plus we were so busy keeping my one son in line and off drugs that we let stuff slide with this daughter we never should have. That is why she feels entitled to bully the adult son who grew up very learning disabled since he is "Weird" in her eyes. She is fine with her homosexual and transgender friends (which I am glad she is) but judges the "socially different". She wouldn't even come to Christmas one year because her autistic nephew was there.

Sounds like you failed as parents. You should not have had so many kids when you couldn't meet the needs of the older ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you continue to favor your son and minimize and/or invalidate your daughter's experience and feelings you will likely end up estranged from your daughter.

The best thing you can do is get therapy to figure out how to support your son without enabling and reinforcing the wrong behavior and how to respect your daughter.

I have validated that she was frightened when he grabbed her and reminded her he immediately apologized. I also have begged her to explain to me how and why she is so nervous around him. I did remind him at the time 4 years ago that he is stronger then he realized before kissing him and giving him his ice cream (sarcasm on that last bit about kissing him).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t like each other. They are adults and should not be forced to be together. Invite them to spend time with you separately.

The son is skipping Christmas. I feel so sad for him but he said he is uncomfortable being bullied. Of course I can't not invite any of my kids and will see my son later that week but I feel sad for him having to choose to be alone.

The best thing I did was distance myself from my parents and sibling. You don't feel bad or you wouldn't have allowed this to happen and you'd be doing something about it now. I'd rather be alone than with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was your daughter allowed to bully your son? You write as if she did it for years. Is that true?

Because she is entitled and spoiled. Also, I did not realize it was hurting our son until this happened 4 years ago. Now I lay into her about it and just remind him to avoid her when he can. He is skipping Christmas and my sister is having him over instead. I feel so sad for him that he doesn't want to be with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you come to terms with the fact that you’ve treated your daughter as a second class citizen in your home all these years?
If not, work on that OP

She got spoiled silly. She was the youngest and got away with stuff that none of the older ones would have. Plus we were so busy keeping my one son in line and off drugs that we let stuff slide with this daughter we never should have. That is why she feels entitled to bully the adult son who grew up very learning disabled since he is "Weird" in her eyes. She is fine with her homosexual and transgender friends (which I am glad she is) but judges the "socially different". She wouldn't even come to Christmas one year because her autistic nephew was there.

Sounds like you failed as parents. You should not have had so many kids when you couldn't meet the needs of the older ones.

What a nasty thing to say. Life is hard for everyone at some point or another and most people do the best they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay.
Out.
Of.
It.

They do not have to have a relationship.

She doesn’t have to have a relationship with someone who physically shook her as an adult: that is abuse.

He doesn’t have to have a relationship with someone who bullied him throughout his childhood: that is abuse.

You’ve enabled abuse, one way or another, by and to both of them for decades. STAY OUT OF IT AND LEAVE THEM ALONE. They are adults and if they want a relationship, THEY can forge one.

Stay out if it. And did I mention, you need to stay out of it.

But then I wouldn't be a Mom. Mom's are supposed to mingle in their adult children's private business like my daughter hating my son and my son disliking my daughter (he will eventually hate her also and become obsessed on it for it runs in the family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay.
Out.
Of.
It.

They do not have to have a relationship.

She doesn’t have to have a relationship with someone who physically shook her as an adult: that is abuse.

He doesn’t have to have a relationship with someone who bullied him throughout his childhood: that is abuse.

You’ve enabled abuse, one way or another, by and to both of them for decades. STAY OUT OF IT AND LEAVE THEM ALONE. They are adults and if they want a relationship, THEY can forge one.

Stay out if it. And did I mention, you need to stay out of it.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was your daughter allowed to bully your son? You write as if she did it for years. Is that true?

Because she is mean to people who are different and our son doesn't tell us when he is hurting until he becomes obsessed on it. She also did because she is the youngest and we were busy with an older son (not the one in the story) whose behavior was worse at the time of the teen years. Plus when she was little we were dealing with the son referred to in the story having attempted suicide.