Grandmother Funding

[Anonymous]

What does the nephew do in return? Does he help with household repairs? Does he spend time with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew has a job. Yes, she has always been generous when she thinks people are in need. She doesn't mind, she thinks he needs the money.

Why don’t you open your mouth and tell her that he’s a liar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rest assured when Mom needs inhome care the nephew will feel obligated to provide it, which frees you. I think some people are generous with younger people because they expect the favor to be returned when they are incapacitated and need help. You may want to say to mom, “I’m so pleased you are helping Nephew and he is going to be there for you when you need him. He will surely want to repay your generosity.”

Wait, is this a serious reply???? No, that is not how it will work. Once Grandma needs help the nephew will not be available to her at all. He will not only NOT feel obligated but will not be responsive to any communications.
I work at an estate planning firm and we see this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB

Worst advice ever.

[Anonymous]

Can you be added to her bank account? Open a shared account and transfer funds?

My sibling just did this for our mom who suddenly decided to donate to her favorite charities but didn’t want to pay bills. They opened an account together and so he has oversight and can write me checks from her account (I paid several huge bills on her behalf).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rest assured when Mom needs inhome care the nephew will feel obligated to provide it, which frees you. I think some people are generous with younger people because they expect the favor to be returned when they are incapacitated and need help. You may want to say to mom, “I’m so pleased you are helping Nephew and he is going to be there for you when you need him. He will surely want to repay your generosity.”

Zero shot this will happen. Zero. Which is exactly why you should say something because not only is it going to affect you mother's financial future but it will also affect yours down the road. Nephew is manipulating his grandmother because he probably doesn't think anyone else knows. Call him on it and he may be so embarrassed and ashamed that he will stop on his own. If your sibling is still alive, you need to email your sibling and nephew ASAP to put a stop to it. And have a serious sit down with your mother and tell her this isn't financially smart and needs to end.

FWIW, my parents were in a similar situation with a cousin of mine asking for money and as soon as my mother called her sister, she was so embarrassed that she immediately called my cousin and read her the riot act. She called my mother in tears minutes later and hasn't asked for a dime since.

[Anonymous]

If you wont talk to your sibling or nephew, have you kids cry poor too. Put the money in the bank for when mom asks you for help.