Grandmother Funding

[Anonymous]

I am livid but feel like I can't say anything. My mom who can barely afford her own bills keeps giving money to my nephew. He cries poor to her. I know he makes more than my two kids. My kids would never cry poor to Grandma and they would never accept something from her nor would I want her to offer them money.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. If your mom asks you for money say no.

[Anonymous]

If your mother can't afford it, this deserves a family discussion. Are you just going to let him drain her bank account? You should take this up with his parents. I don't know how I would approach it, but I'd risk a family fight over this.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you say anything to your mom AND to the nephew and their parent, who I guess is your sibling. Tell nephew to get a J.O.B. How old is your mom? Has she always been this gullible?

[Anonymous]

Yikes, I woke ask your mom about it at least! See if she minds?

[Anonymous]

My nephew has a job. Yes, she has always been generous when she thinks people are in need. She doesn't mind, she thinks he needs the money.

[Anonymous]

Nephew is orphan or what? Your mom should not give him money. Stop giving it to her. Tell her you work a lot for this money and is supposed to help with your bills mom. Nephew is young and should ask for benefits and go drain someone's money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew has a job. Yes, she has always been generous when she thinks people are in need. She doesn't mind, she thinks he needs the money.

My mom did this after she was widowed in her early 60s. She gave away almost all of her retirement fund and didn’t seem to understand why that was a problem. I eventually sat her down and told her that if she wanted me to help her with elder/end of life care, her finances would eventually be my responsibility, so she had to listen to me now or she was on her own. I told her she could not give any more money away and had to run significant financial decisions by me first. It was an empty threat, but she didn’t know that and it worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your mother can't afford it, this deserves a family discussion. Are you just going to let him drain her bank account? You should take this up with his parents. I don't know how I would approach it, but I'd risk a family fight over this.

I usually say stay out, but this could lead to her asking you for money. Make it clear she can do whatever she wants with her money, but you cannot bail her out if she over-gives. Set your boundary and then let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nephew is orphan or what? Your mom should not give him money. Stop giving it to her. Tell her you work a lot for this money and is supposed to help with your bills mom. Nephew is young and should ask for benefits and go drain someone's money

The OP is not helping her mom financially. She is in fact peeved that her inheritance is vaporizing

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

I'd say something to nephew's parents. Remind them that if Mom's money runs out you and they are on the hook. Pose it as a concern about nephew's spending.

I'd risk it because I have an elder mom and every dollar counts for living and medical expenses now.

[Anonymous]

Rest assured when Mom needs inhome care the nephew will feel obligated to provide it, which frees you. I think some people are generous with younger people because they expect the favor to be returned when they are incapacitated and need help. You may want to say to mom, “I’m so pleased you are helping Nephew and he is going to be there for you when you need him. He will surely want to repay your generosity.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rest assured when Mom needs inhome care the nephew will feel obligated to provide it, which frees you. I think some people are generous with younger people because they expect the favor to be returned when they are incapacitated and need help. You may want to say to mom, “I’m so pleased you are helping Nephew and he is going to be there for you when you need him. He will surely want to repay your generosity.”

This is extremely naive. Nephew likely won't have money or desire to pay back. Then what?

If OP can't convince grandma to stop, OP and their kids should play the same game, begging for money, and save the money for grandma's future care or inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Can you confront the nephew? This is your cousin, right? Tell him to knock it off and point out that he makes more than your own kids. Shame him about taking money away from an older woman who is going to need it.