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Am I being a bitch?
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Anonymous
| Its not like she forced her husband to take a job that is physical. Men choose their working conditions just like women do. If he really hates being outside all day long, maybe he should consider becoming an administrative assisant himself. When he gets home, its time to help with the home duties. If he doesn't want to help clean, then maybe he should pay for some housecleaning help. |
Anonymous
| You should consider a housekeeper an educational expense. The two of you are working full-time and then some. It's interesting how so many people do not consider unpaid work "work." Housework is LABOR. Only when forced to consider how expensive it is to replace this labor do people start to consider how valuable unpaid housework contributions really are. |
Anonymous
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You both have full-time responsibilities regardless of the hours getting paid. Nursing school can be way more time consuming than "undergrad" work as another poster implies. I was roommates with a nursing student and definitely did not want her schedule!
You're husband's acting insanely immature. You guys should be splitting household duties, giving each other a break, but definitely not staying up until 3 am drinking every night. |
Anonymous
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Are you really spending 20+ hours a week on school? 6 hours of class shouldn't mean 14+ hours of homework. Obviously, you are not ONLY working 20 hours a week, but you certainly aren't working 40 and are a far cry from the 50 to 60 he's working. I don't think it's unfair of him to expect more from you around the house, given that you are at the house more. A lot of chores can be multi-tasked during studying, like laundry and the dishwasher and such, as well. Whatever it is, you guys should negotiate an agreement. If you want more help from him, he may want to cut back hours, thereby lowering his pay. Are you okay with that sacrifice?
As for the drinking, that is a separate and unrelated issue that should be addressed, but separately. Don't conflate the two. |
Anonymous
In nursing school, this is definitely not impossible. |
Anonymous
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OP, if you're unhappy, then something has to give. You are not being unreasonable and you are not being a b***h. I also sincerely hope that you did not choose the title of your post based on something DH may have said to you.
Changes to the work-family balance like shifting from full time to part time + school are always going to take renegotiation. Each of you is going to have to sacrifice something and meet in the middle. When DH and I had our first child after a long time together with no kids, even though we thought we knew what we were in for and even though we thought we had things figured out, we were knocked on our butts. I think this is a similar situation. Each of you has the perception that you're in an unfair situation, that you're doing more than the other. You're both right in the sense that you're balancing work plus studying plus kids plus house and he's working his tail off in the heat and doing whatever tasks he usually does at home and with kids. It's hard. For both of you. As far as concrete advice, I'd try to stop fighting using general arguments like "it's not fair", "I do more than you do" and that kind of thing. I think the two of you need to come up with a specific division of labor taking into account how much time you actually spend doing things and what actually needs to be done. If after that he still has time to go out drinking and he can get up in the morning and do his part, more power to him. You deserve and need some time do so your own relaxation activity, whatever that is. Just build it all in and come to an agreement that you can both live with. |
Anonymous
I have an Undergraduate Degree in Computer Science and 6 hours of class was most certainly over 14 hours of homework. Not that it's the same field, but I would imagine the same for nursing. |
Anonymous
She may have not chosen for him, but she knows what he does for a living and has chosen to be married to him. Most of us knew going in what type of career our spouses would be in. I'm assuming from her post that he makes significantly more than $32K/year that she was making as an Administrative Assistant and they probably need the salary. I think that work hours and home hours should count the same. Both people need time to themselves, both people need to help with the kids and household chores. It's not we are ALL working 24 hours a day with children, whether we are working outside of the home or not. There is ALWAYS work. So, they need to figure out when to get time to themselves so no one is stuck taking all of the responsibility. If she has less at-work hours (including school) she needs to take more of the at-home hours, so the hours left over for herself are the same as her husband's, although really.....I know few families where the primary care giver gets the same amount of downtime. |
Anonymous
| In many fields, the reading alone totals more than 14 additional hours outside of class! Your DH may not understand this, though. You might keep a log for a few days to give him an idea of how long coursework typically takes. He may be resentful because he truly doesn't have a clue. |
Anonymous
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I think that 19:08 has great advice. In a sort of a parallel situation, that kind of knowledge helped me.
My husband was laid off, we kept sending the kids to day care, and I expected him to do a lot more around the house. We talked about it and he took on more responsibility. But I was still resentful (working about 50 hours a week plus commute) and the laundry still consumed my weekends, and don't get me started on the kitchen. But then, I was sick one day, and I actually didn't see a lot of loafing - I saw a guy who was trying really, really hard to start up a consulting business and respond to job applications (including those time consuming federal ones). |