Struggling with whether to keep DC in weekend language school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven't said anything about how your DC feels. Does DC enjoy it? Hate it? Does DC really have to do all the homework?

Since OP came back to say that the kid dislikes it, I say to let it go.

I am also an immigrant and would not force this.

[Anonymous]

If there’s any chance DC could use the language professionally, keep them in. Language skills are so hard to build later in life but they can be a huge asset at work. Even unpopular/ niche languages can be enough to get you into some foreign affairs jobs.

[Anonymous]

It’s harder to learn a language later in life, but that’s only because there are more competing interests when you grow older. If you really want to learn a language, you can do it any age. My DH is fluent in Mandarin, and he didn’t start learning it until he went to college.

I wouldn’t force your kids to learn the language now if they’re hating the experience. Just to continue to expose them to the language in a casual way. Maybe one day in the future they’ll take a real interest in and want to learn it.

[Anonymous]

I say keep with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm French and I understand from OP's post that this is a much more complex language to learn that German, Spanish or French. Otherwise they wouldn't be posting about the challenge of the language itself, the "regressive" cultural expectations, etc.

I send my kids to weekend French classes. It's non-negotiable because we are first generation immigrants. That's it. I'm sure that if my kids remain in this country, they will perhaps not send their kids to French school on the weekend. I will offer to pay! But that's how it goes for immigrants. Little by little, the original culture and language is easily lost.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard about this:
1. It doesn't sound like if he skips a few years, he'll be able to get back in. So don't plan on that.
2. Do you have significant ties to your community of origin in the US, or in your home country? Is this community important for networking and jobs? If so, maybe your kids should not be cut off from those opportunities by language.
3. Kids everywhere have always resisted the idea of extra school, particularly in elementary. Then in middle school, when they see their friends struggling with a foreign language at school, they get it - they realize what an advantage they have, and they're much more cooperative going to weekend school. That's usually how it goes. Your kid is maybe too young, but you'll see how he evolves.
4. Do not impose your own burden on your child. It's sad you did not see the value of learning some of your language. Hope that your child has a more positive attitude about it. Maybe this school has better teachers,maybe you can find more ways for him to practice it, and he will retain more of it.

I would do my utmost to make him stay, personally. His brain is gaining in flexibility and memory, and hopefully one day he will have respect for his own cultural roots.

+1 on all of the above. There is also a social /emotional aspect. The kids get to meet kids like them, who share their heritage / culture. It becomes more important as they grow older and start wondering about their culture / heritage etc.

[Anonymous]

I’m inclined to say keep them in it or find some alternative, like a tutor.

I’ve met so many people who hated these weekend schools, but then wished they had tried harder as kids, at least in my heritage language.

Once you get to middle school you can let it go. Hopefully you’ve built a foundation by then, and they can come back to it later in life if they feel the pull.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful responses so far and it's actually reassuring to see the variety in views on this. It's a very personal and often emotionally loaded decision. I have no sense of whether DC is likely to use the language in a professional capacity but I would guess no. The PP who talked about how the language they learned in weekend school didn't enable them to have personal, more meaningful conversations with family really struck me. Ultimately, I think what I am currently relying on the weekend language classes for is a sense of connection to the culture, the general benefit of learning another language, and perhaps at least enough fluency to allow DC to travel in the country with more confidence and have at least some ability to communicate with family members there, but that is going to be such a rare event. Maybe we'll stick with it for another semester before making a final decision, or look for a tutor who can provide more tailored instruction that is geared toward our goals and mindset.

[Anonymous]

I was in the exact situation as you. I decided to keep my daughter in the school and carved out time each week to help her with her homework. I disliked as a child and she barely tolerated it. Fast forward, she graduated the program 2 years ago and during that time, we visited my parents in their country. After a few days, something clicked within my daughter and she began speaking the language. Not even close to be fluent, but enough to have a very decent conversation with her grandparents. By the end of the trip, her vocabulary soared and I think the full immersion after 6 years of class really helped her. And even without the language component, she made some friends and learned a lot about her culture. My sister tried sending her kids to the same school but decided against it for the same reasons yiu are stating. Now her kids, same age as my daughter, are regretting that their parents weren’t more forceful. My son is also attending and although he is much younger, he is getting a lot out of it and loves going every Saturday.

[Anonymous]

I had a tutor who returned to the home country. I disliked the “classes” and would have hated weekend classes even more. Now I regret not getting them. 10 years of weekend classes v. a lifetime of (mild regret).

[Anonymous]

Language classes are basically worthless without immersion. Take a class every year, major in it college, and you still are worse than someone who moved to the country 1 year ago.

Immersion is for learning the language deeply. Class is for fine-tuning the theory and guiding study.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm French and I understand from OP's post that this is a much more complex language to learn that German, Spanish or French. Otherwise they wouldn't be posting about the challenge of the language itself, the "regressive" cultural expectations, etc.

I send my kids to weekend French classes. It's non-negotiable because we are first generation immigrants. That's it. I'm sure that if my kids remain in this country, they will perhaps not send their kids to French school on the weekend. I will offer to pay! But that's how it goes for immigrants. Little by little, the original culture and language is easily lost.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard about this:
1. It doesn't sound like if he skips a few years, he'll be able to get back in. So don't plan on that.
2. Do you have significant ties to your community of origin in the US, or in your home country? Is this community important for networking and jobs? If so, maybe your kids should not be cut off from those opportunities by language.
3. Kids everywhere have always resisted the idea of extra school, particularly in elementary. Then in middle school, when they see their friends struggling with a foreign language at school, they get it - they realize what an advantage they have, and they're much more cooperative going to weekend school. That's usually how it goes. Your kid is maybe too young, but you'll see how he evolves.
4. Do not impose your own burden on your child. It's sad you did not see the value of learning some of your language. Hope that your child has a more positive attitude about it. Maybe this school has better teachers,maybe you can find more ways for him to practice it, and he will retain more of it.

I would do my utmost to make him stay, personally. His brain is gaining in flexibility and memory, and hopefully one day he will have respect for his own cultural roots.

German is more complex than French.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful responses so far and it's actually reassuring to see the variety in views on this. It's a very personal and often emotionally loaded decision. I have no sense of whether DC is likely to use the language in a professional capacity but I would guess no. The PP who talked about how the language they learned in weekend school didn't enable them to have personal, more meaningful conversations with family really struck me. Ultimately, I think what I am currently relying on the weekend language classes for is a sense of connection to the culture, the general benefit of learning another language, and perhaps at least enough fluency to allow DC to travel in the country with more confidence and have at least some ability to communicate with family members there, but that is going to be such a rare event. Maybe we'll stick with it for another semester before making a final decision, or look for a tutor who can provide more tailored instruction that is geared toward our goals and mindset.

Pp here. I think that travelling with confidence and communicating with family are totally valid reasons, and if it doesn’t come now, can come later! I spoke exclusively in my heritage language with my parents and can do those things, and that has led to some adult trips back to see family where I’ll have a little more independence (stay in the city center at a hotel, but get to “explore” on my own), and that has been a big cultural connection for me.

What I really wish my language school taught was language on sex, for example, or race and politics— but the politics of my language school meant that was never going to happen. It’s gotten easier as I’be gotten older and my mom has invested in learning more English, but it is a deeply sad part and personal void for me that not only did I never have an a conversation about my sexuality or sex Ed with my mom, I also wasn’t able to engage with them in a meaningful way on the social issues was growing more liberal on, and couldn’t explain what I was learning in learned.

I went back to my language in a few times after language school, so I would say give it semester, maybe give it a break. And try again? The need for communication was and continues to be important to me.

[Anonymous]

My child attends a Saturday school since kindergarten (now in 8th) that is designed to go through then end of high school. Its 4 hours, so it is a big commitment as so many alternative activities have to be declined to ensure consistent attendance (eg., sports tournaments, weekend trips, etc.). While so many of his classmates have dropped or are completely unenthusiastic, he has grown to enjoy it. Rather than waiting to adulthood to have those regrets of not taking it more seriously, he has already garnered a deep appreciation for what it provides. He is fluent and frankly has a better understanding of grammar than many native speakers after all the intensive language study. He has now expanded this appreciation for learning his heritage language to actively learn other languages. Once a kid make the connection that learning the language opens up so much more of the world (early elementary school is too early for this realization), classes are no longer drudgery to be endured than quickly forgotten (like my horrible language education).

A big pat of keeping interest, I have found, is that if they can excel at the school, it gives the student a pride that drives them to take it seriously and enjoy the experience.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar issue and appreciate the complexity of the question. Both parent and child are picking up a heritage language from scratch. We've been at it for 3 years in weekend classes. DC is in grade 4. Local schools don't offer the language so it's likely to become a trickier issue as schedules become more demanding. One thing that has really helped (that we found from this site) Concordia College language villages: https://www.concordialanguagevillages.org/ It's fun and it sneaks in loads of learning. Parent and child can go together in the younger years.

[Anonymous]

While your child may hate the weekend classes, there may be more enjoyable methods to learn. Just some ideas - my children watch Netflix cartoons in the heritage language, I actively seek out immigrant families with children of similar ages and arrange times for the children to be together, my children listen to pop music in the heritage language.

I wouldn't abandon the efforts. First, they will change your name, then they will take away your language, then they will take your religion, then they will have you wearing a red MAGA hat.