Struggling with whether to keep DC in weekend language school

[Anonymous]

DC, who is in early elementary, started a heritage language school this year. The curriculum is very rigorous and difficult to keep up with for any typical family, let alone one without a parent at home who is a strong native speaker. (I grew up speaking the language but have lost a lot of it over the years.) I am really struggling with the decision about whether to keep DC in this school. Unless a child really has an aptitude or passion for the language, it seems unlikely that they would really learn and retain it -- and I'm talking about just well enough to be able to converse casually with family members or navigate the country where the language is spoken, not even in a business or formal academic setting. I also am finding this whole experience resurrecting a lot of personal, longstanding sentiments (resentment?) based on having to attend weekend language school as a child, which I certainly pushed back on and that my parents eventually caved to. The musical performances that they make the kids do periodically are also a bit eyeroll-inducing, dated, and socially regressive. I know if it were me, I would despise doing them.

At the same time, my sense is that if we do not keep DC in this school, the chances that they will learn the language at all are practically zero, and our initial hope was that DC would maintain some connection to their heritage by interacting with similar kids and being around the language and culture, given the lack of nearby family members and friends who speak the language. I do not think this is the kind of language one can casually learn with a tutor.

I would welcome any perspectives here. Should we stick with it for at least another semester? Am I a hypocrite for making my kid do something I resisted as a child? It's so much work (for both DC and me as the parent who must do all of the homework with them in the evenings and on weekends) and I'm struggling with how to define the payoff. I think part of this effort is driven by guilt and a desire to "do better" by my kid than my parents, who have said in the past that they regret letting me quit the language when I was a kid.

[Anonymous]

You haven't said anything about how your DC feels. Does DC enjoy it? Hate it? Does DC really have to do all the homework?

[Anonymous]

OP you say early elementary. if they are in 1st or 2nd grade you can drop it now and reassess in 4th / 5th grade if they are interested. I know plenty of people who have done this, with the weekend French school and other places. Sometimes these courses can be too intense for the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven't said anything about how your DC feels. Does DC enjoy it? Hate it? Does DC really have to do all the homework?

OP here. I meant to note that DC does not enjoy it. To be clear, they tolerate it just fine and it's not a huge struggle to get them to do the homework and attend, and I would go so far as to say that they half-enjoy the quizzes and certain aspects of the language (mostly number-related), particularly if they get the answers right. However, there will be no tears shed (and in fact there would likely be some celebrating) if I tell them they're no longer going. I do wonder what message I would be sending if I disenrolled them.

[Anonymous]

Can DC spend a month with, say, your parents and be immersed in the language that way? They would learn a lot faster and it would be more enjoyable.

If it is a super hard language, there is something to be said about starting them young. Their brains are primed to pick up language and it gets harder and harder as they age. However, it doesn't seem like DC is learning that much from going to weekend school if they're just learning, say, numbers. What about showing them cartoons in the language instead of doing homework?

[Anonymous]

It seems like what you want more than the language acquisition is for DC to feel connected to their heritage and a local cultural community. Can you find other social connections to provide this? A church or house of worship, an activity (I have a friend who does dragon boating for this purpose), etc? Try searching meetup groups too. It may be that if you connect with adults, which is easier in some ways, the child connections will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

I'm French and I understand from OP's post that this is a much more complex language to learn that German, Spanish or French. Otherwise they wouldn't be posting about the challenge of the language itself, the "regressive" cultural expectations, etc.

I send my kids to weekend French classes. It's non-negotiable because we are first generation immigrants. That's it. I'm sure that if my kids remain in this country, they will perhaps not send their kids to French school on the weekend. I will offer to pay! But that's how it goes for immigrants. Little by little, the original culture and language is easily lost.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard about this:
1. It doesn't sound like if he skips a few years, he'll be able to get back in. So don't plan on that.
2. Do you have significant ties to your community of origin in the US, or in your home country? Is this community important for networking and jobs? If so, maybe your kids should not be cut off from those opportunities by language.
3. Kids everywhere have always resisted the idea of extra school, particularly in elementary. Then in middle school, when they see their friends struggling with a foreign language at school, they get it - they realize what an advantage they have, and they're much more cooperative going to weekend school. That's usually how it goes. Your kid is maybe too young, but you'll see how he evolves.
4. Do not impose your own burden on your child. It's sad you did not see the value of learning some of your language. Hope that your child has a more positive attitude about it. Maybe this school has better teachers,maybe you can find more ways for him to practice it, and he will retain more of it.

I would do my utmost to make him stay, personally. His brain is gaining in flexibility and memory, and hopefully one day he will have respect for his own cultural roots.

[Anonymous]

I also make my kid go to language school, and it's non-negotiable for us. But try to show your child benefits of it! We are able to find tutors for all kinds of subjects in the country of origin for like 10-15$ an hour. My kid has taken history lessons, art classes, math and chess. All for like 10% of what i would pay here. If your kid likes math, find him a math tutor to teach fun math, etc. You have to show him the world of that language, it can't be limited only to a few hours on a saturday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also make my kid go to language school, and it's non-negotiable for us. But try to show your child benefits of it! We are able to find tutors for all kinds of subjects in the country of origin for like 10-15$ an hour. My kid has taken history lessons, art classes, math and chess. All for like 10% of what i would pay here. If your kid likes math, find him a math tutor to teach fun math, etc. You have to show him the world of that language, it can't be limited only to a few hours on a saturday.

you can even find some of them pre-recorded on Youtube.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you visit your country, see cousins, etc? Try to spark the desire of kid wanting to be able to communicate with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm French and I understand from OP's post that this is a much more complex language to learn that German, Spanish or French. Otherwise they wouldn't be posting about the challenge of the language itself, the "regressive" cultural expectations, etc.

I send my kids to weekend French classes. It's non-negotiable because we are first generation immigrants. That's it. I'm sure that if my kids remain in this country, they will perhaps not send their kids to French school on the weekend. I will offer to pay! But that's how it goes for immigrants. Little by little, the original culture and language is easily lost.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard about this:
1. It doesn't sound like if he skips a few years, he'll be able to get back in. So don't plan on that.
2. Do you have significant ties to your community of origin in the US, or in your home country? Is this community important for networking and jobs? If so, maybe your kids should not be cut off from those opportunities by language.
3. Kids everywhere have always resisted the idea of extra school, particularly in elementary. Then in middle school, when they see their friends struggling with a foreign language at school, they get it - they realize what an advantage they have, and they're much more cooperative going to weekend school. That's usually how it goes. Your kid is maybe too young, but you'll see how he evolves.
4. Do not impose your own burden on your child. It's sad you did not see the value of learning some of your language. Hope that your child has a more positive attitude about it. Maybe this school has better teachers,maybe you can find more ways for him to practice it, and he will retain more of it.

I would do my utmost to make him stay, personally. His brain is gaining in flexibility and memory, and hopefully one day he will have respect for his own cultural roots.

“4. Do not impose your own burden on your child.” This is the reason why our children stopped language school. They were doing it for so many people including aunts, uncles and grandparents, but not for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French and I understand from OP's post that this is a much more complex language to learn that German, Spanish or French. Otherwise they wouldn't be posting about the challenge of the language itself, the "regressive" cultural expectations, etc.

I send my kids to weekend French classes. It's non-negotiable because we are first generation immigrants. That's it. I'm sure that if my kids remain in this country, they will perhaps not send their kids to French school on the weekend. I will offer to pay! But that's how it goes for immigrants. Little by little, the original culture and language is easily lost.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard about this:
1. It doesn't sound like if he skips a few years, he'll be able to get back in. So don't plan on that.
2. Do you have significant ties to your community of origin in the US, or in your home country? Is this community important for networking and jobs? If so, maybe your kids should not be cut off from those opportunities by language.
3. Kids everywhere have always resisted the idea of extra school, particularly in elementary. Then in middle school, when they see their friends struggling with a foreign language at school, they get it - they realize what an advantage they have, and they're much more cooperative going to weekend school. That's usually how it goes. Your kid is maybe too young, but you'll see how he evolves.
4. Do not impose your own burden on your child. It's sad you did not see the value of learning some of your language. Hope that your child has a more positive attitude about it. Maybe this school has better teachers,maybe you can find more ways for him to practice it, and he will retain more of it.

I would do my utmost to make him stay, personally. His brain is gaining in flexibility and memory, and hopefully one day he will have respect for his own cultural roots.

“4. Do not impose your own burden on your child.” This is the reason why our children stopped language school. They were doing it for so many people including aunts, uncles and grandparents, but not for themselves.

NP. I mean, yeah, what kid wants to go to school on Saturday (or whenever)? Unless they have a good friend there, they aren't going to want to go for themselves. When they are older, they may (or may not) appreciate it. But parents are the ones who decide these sorts of things for their children.

[Anonymous]

You babe to make it fun. Cartoons in the language, fun books etc. in addition to the language school. My 1st grader goes for 3 hrs every Saturday, but I'm a native speaker (1st gen) and my parents live close so we spend a lot of time in that language. I made a deal with my kid that when she can read as well as me she can stop going. Thats all i want and itll probably be another year for her to get there. And then we will read fun stiff together (we already do) and do some cultural things and thats sufficient. Our school also does cringey performances and i told my kid she doesn't have to do any of that if she doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French and I understand from OP's post that this is a much more complex language to learn that German, Spanish or French. Otherwise they wouldn't be posting about the challenge of the language itself, the "regressive" cultural expectations, etc.

I send my kids to weekend French classes. It's non-negotiable because we are first generation immigrants. That's it. I'm sure that if my kids remain in this country, they will perhaps not send their kids to French school on the weekend. I will offer to pay! But that's how it goes for immigrants. Little by little, the original culture and language is easily lost.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard about this:
1. It doesn't sound like if he skips a few years, he'll be able to get back in. So don't plan on that.
2. Do you have significant ties to your community of origin in the US, or in your home country? Is this community important for networking and jobs? If so, maybe your kids should not be cut off from those opportunities by language.
3. Kids everywhere have always resisted the idea of extra school, particularly in elementary. Then in middle school, when they see their friends struggling with a foreign language at school, they get it - they realize what an advantage they have, and they're much more cooperative going to weekend school. That's usually how it goes. Your kid is maybe too young, but you'll see how he evolves.
4. Do not impose your own burden on your child. It's sad you did not see the value of learning some of your language. Hope that your child has a more positive attitude about it. Maybe this school has better teachers,maybe you can find more ways for him to practice it, and he will retain more of it.

I would do my utmost to make him stay, personally. His brain is gaining in flexibility and memory, and hopefully one day he will have respect for his own cultural roots.

“4. Do not impose your own burden on your child.” This is the reason why our children stopped language school. They were doing it for so many people including aunts, uncles and grandparents, but not for themselves.

NP. I mean, yeah, what kid wants to go to school on Saturday (or whenever)? Unless they have a good friend there, they aren't going to want to go for themselves. When they are older, they may (or may not) appreciate it. But parents are the ones who decide these sorts of things for their children.

As parents we decided the children could chose not to if they wanted. They chose to stop

[Anonymous]

Do you speak it at home? How much do they know? I attended (by force) Chinese heritage language school and hated it by late elementary/early secondary, though I was forced to go until 9th grade.

In part this is because I spoke it at home with both parents and still am conversationally fluent and could maintain contact with family members. My parents were also part of a large community where most of their friends spoke Mandarin, and so I heard it reinforced then.

But they used outdated learning practices (rote memorization, written exercises) and I started French in middle school. I was using much more authentic text in my French classes while we did “a unit a week” in Chinese. By early middle school, the language we were tested on each week was not used in my everyday language, and I would memorize it only to forget it the next week.

And the performances were cringingly embarrassing.

Today, I know enough Mandarin to converse with family about how my day and week was and most household conversations. I do not know enough to talk about social issues or politics in Chinese with my parents, which is a bummer, but I certainly wouldn’t have learned that in language school. As I’ve grown older, that is my only regret— that my mom and I have never had a good convo on sex ed, for example, because of our language gap. But I don’t regret not being able to read more characters or vocabulary, simply because all of my learning after late elementary or early secondary was not reinforced in my daily life or in hands-on activities, so I would have remembered none of it.