Husband forgot Mother's Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We aren't a couple who does a lot of grand jesters for holidays or birthdays. We both have well-established careers and are particular so usually would rather buy things for ourselves than try and figure out what the other wants. i therefore didn't expect anything big for Mother's day but he completely and utterly forgot until I called my own mother to wish her Happy Mother's Day and have my child do the same. This was after my child made a card at school and gave it to me Friday. Like most mothers, there is so many "unseen" tasks I do for the family as a whole and so much of the emotional load for the family I carry. I just feel really hurt that he doesn't seem to even recognise nor appreciate this- yes, this goes deeper than just forgetting Mother's Day.

Then focus on that. The fact that he forgot what many consider to be a stupid holiday isn't the point. The point is the other 364 days of the year. If you discuss this like it had to do with Mother's Day, what if he goes all out that one day next year but is the same old jerk the rest of the year? See how that's missing the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for "grand jesters", OP. Just... thank you.

Do you feel good about yourself that you literally kicked someone when they're down?

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re just going to have to talk. Come on, didn’t you pick this up back in the day when “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was making the rounds? I was in elementary school then, but Oprah was on, you know? Seriously this has been covered for decades by relationship experts ad nauseam. No, no one is a mind reader and yes, people need to talk about wants, needs, expectations, and hopes. Talking about this kind of thing detracts nothing from the effort once it is made.

[Anonymous]

* gestures

[Anonymous]

Really? He couldn't go to the grocery store with the kids and pick out flowers and a cake. How lazy and demeaning. He is also showing his kids how to treat his wife and their mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for "grand jesters", OP. Just... thank you.

Do you feel good about yourself that you literally kicked someone when they're down?

NP. You mean figuratively kicked someone. Not literally.

Plus, if I were OP, the image would at least bring a smile to my face. Who hasn’t typed something like that by mistake before?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you realize this is deeper than Mother’s Day, what are you both doing to fix it?

We have talked about this issue over and over to the point I really don't want to anymore. He just doesn't see all that I do or minimizes it. He is usually a great dad, no question. But what he says he realizes but really doesn't is that because I am doing errands and cleaning and all sorts of other tasks for the family, he is able to play with our child while I am doing those things. He says well, if you asked me to do XYZ, I would. That is only partially true and somethings I am so embedded into it is hard to unravel it all or it would take way too long to explain it all. I just do things before he even thinks about them or often times he wouldn't even think of them. His mother very much "babied" he and his brother so that is part of it. I am really tired of having the same conversations/arguments though.

The issue is right here in the bold. You’re babying him just as his mother did. You want a ticker tape parade because you anticipate everyone’s needs. But you fail to anticipate your own needs.
The only person you can change is yourself. You can stay on this hamster wheel where you keep having these pointless conversations and you keep getting disappointed that no acknowledges what you do.
OR you can step off the hamster wheel and figure out why you’re getting out of “doing things before he even thinks about them.” Yes, you’re getting something out of it. Some individual therapy can help you unpack this before your resentment poisons your relationship further. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You are NOT his mother and you should be glad he doesn’t see you as her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT his mother and you should be glad he doesn’t see you as her.

Well unless the kids drive and have jobs the dad needs to help buy the flowers and a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for "grand jesters", OP. Just... thank you.

Do you feel good about yourself that you literally kicked someone when they're down?

NP. Do you know what "literally" means?