Husband forgot Mother's Day

[Anonymous]

We aren't a couple who does a lot of grand jesters for holidays or birthdays. We both have well-established careers and are particular so usually would rather buy things for ourselves than try and figure out what the other wants. i therefore didn't expect anything big for Mother's day but he completely and utterly forgot until I called my own mother to wish her Happy Mother's Day and have my child do the same. This was after my child made a card at school and gave it to me Friday. Like most mothers, there is so many "unseen" tasks I do for the family as a whole and so much of the emotional load for the family I carry. I just feel really hurt that he doesn't seem to even recognise nor appreciate this- yes, this goes deeper than just forgetting Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

Does he have a mother in the picture?

[Anonymous]

Since you realize this is deeper than Mother’s Day, what are you both doing to fix it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a mother in the picture?

Yes, he does. And he called her after I called my mother. At least he consistently forgot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you realize this is deeper than Mother’s Day, what are you both doing to fix it?

We have talked about this issue over and over to the point I really don't want to anymore. He just doesn't see all that I do or minimizes it. He is usually a great dad, no question. But what he says he realizes but really doesn't is that because I am doing errands and cleaning and all sorts of other tasks for the family, he is able to play with our child while I am doing those things. He says well, if you asked me to do XYZ, I would. That is only partially true and somethings I am so embedded into it is hard to unravel it all or it would take way too long to explain it all. I just do things before he even thinks about them or often times he wouldn't even think of them. His mother very much "babied" he and his brother so that is part of it. I am really tired of having the same conversations/arguments though.

[Anonymous]

IDK how old you are, but when I got to late 40s I just started telling people what I wanted and just planned stuff myself. I’m not going to sit around stewing that my friends didn’t plan my milestone birthday—I just planned it myself. I started thinking about MD plans a month+ ago and told DH I was going to make a reservation. When work got busy, and I hadn’t done it, DH made one at a place I didn’t want to go. I said thanks, but I’m going to make a reservation here and did.

For me, life was too short to be hopeful and disappointed when I could do exactly what I wanted for myself.

[Anonymous]

PP back to say that if you tell someone what you want (I want brunch and flower — and do or don’t specify kind) it’s much easier (and I’d say more valid) to be upset if they can’t follow express instructions. I know some people won’t agree with it, but I feel a certain power in asking for exactly what I want and taking care of myself.

[Anonymous]

You cant have a dog and expect a cat.

[Anonymous]

People, it's not that OP wanted some specific gift from her DH. She just wanted at least for him to acknowledge that it was Mother's Day.

I'm sorry OP. You know you have other issues, too.

Your DH is self centered and clueless about others wants and needs. I think you already know part of it is because he was babied by his own mother.

Does he usually forget Mother's Day, including his own mother? Does he usually only call his mother when you call yours or you tell him to call?

He sounds like my brother. He, too, was babied, and my mom would make all kinds of excuses for him. His wife now babies him, so my mom is glad that he is married even though my mom dislikes her (for other reasons). And they have no kids. Honestly, I don't think he could handle being a father. Just too lazy, selfish and clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, it's not that OP wanted some specific gift from her DH. She just wanted at least for him to acknowledge that it was Mother's Day.

I'm sorry OP. You know you have other issues, too.

Your DH is self centered and clueless about others wants and needs. I think you already know part of it is because he was babied by his own mother.

Does he usually forget Mother's Day, including his own mother? Does he usually only call his mother when you call yours or you tell him to call?

He sounds like my brother. He, too, was babied, and my mom would make all kinds of excuses for him. His wife now babies him, so my mom is glad that he is married even though my mom dislikes her (for other reasons). And they have no kids. Honestly, I don't think he could handle being a father. Just too lazy, selfish and clueless.

She DOES want a specific gift. A Grand Jester!!

[Anonymous]

I hear all this and agree with the "tell them what you want" part, down to be ing in my late 40s, but sometimes the mental load of planning is exactly the gift you want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, it's not that OP wanted some specific gift from her DH. She just wanted at least for him to acknowledge that it was Mother's Day.

I'm sorry OP. You know you have other issues, too.

Your DH is self centered and clueless about others wants and needs. I think you already know part of it is because he was babied by his own mother.

Does he usually forget Mother's Day, including his own mother? Does he usually only call his mother when you call yours or you tell him to call?

He sounds like my brother. He, too, was babied, and my mom would make all kinds of excuses for him. His wife now babies him, so my mom is glad that he is married even though my mom dislikes her (for other reasons). And they have no kids. Honestly, I don't think he could handle being a father. Just too lazy, selfish and clueless.

So you think OP would have been happy if he simply acknowledged it? You know that means saying “Happy Mother’s Day.” That’s the simplest form of acknowledgment.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Are you his mother? This holiday is for your child/ren to celebrate you. Your wedding anniversary and birthday are when you should expect gifts from your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear all this and agree with the "tell them what you want" part, down to be ing in my late 40s, but sometimes the mental load of planning is exactly the gift you want

I’m that pp and my DH became much better once I started doing that. He wasn’t terrible, but I’ve found the more I speak up, the more he does. It’s probably because people typically don’t like being the brunt of disappointment and it put our relationship on more equal footing. I also think in general some years for any celebration is better than others, and we also may need more or less.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for "grand jesters", OP. Just... thank you.