What custody to seek with coparent with bad judgement?

[Anonymous]

^ alcohol behaviour not cool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might be a battle, but truthfully he probably doesn't want to take care of a 4 & 7 year old too often, so if you play it carefully you might get a good outcome without too much pain.

Keep coming up with examples like yours. You're on a good track with your phrasing, but need to adjust your wording a little and state the effect. Don't leave it up to reader interpretation.

Specify what the action takes away from him, specify how that hurts the kids, clearly state what they need.

He takes mind numbing pills that take away his reasoning abilities and judgment. The children frequently awake at night and expect a parent to help them xxxx. The children are young and cannot yet take care of themselves. They need a clear minded adult and x is unable to provide that at this time. This happens on a day to day basis, and you are even more concerned what would happen in an emergency, such as (give a past or present kid relevant health issue or other issue like when kid tried to go outside).

Ex Exhibits poor judgement when leaving the children alone in the car in winter for 20+ minutes, 7 is not old enough to watch 4 and you are concerned what he is doing that requires him to be absent from the children for such long periods of time.

Allude to possibility. State things explicitly. Sound like the wise and knowing parent. Don't set up promises or ideals, like things that ex could do. That's not your job. Just clearly state repeatedly what's happening, WHY it matters for both him and the kids, what you are concerned about, and what the children may learn or interpret from his behaviour, compared to what you instill in them in your care.

To directly answer your question, sounds like 4hr (possibly supervised if it gets bad) outing days would be best.

I would also point out the increased stress heightening the risk of relapse based on examples of past cool behaviour.

He does want the kids. He asks for them all the time per op.

[Anonymous]

I would stay married until the kids are older. No way would I let the courts give him 50% custody and lose control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be a battle, but truthfully he probably doesn't want to take care of a 4 & 7 year old too often, so if you play it carefully you might get a good outcome without too much pain.

Keep coming up with examples like yours. You're on a good track with your phrasing, but need to adjust your wording a little and state the effect. Don't leave it up to reader interpretation.

Specify what the action takes away from him, specify how that hurts the kids, clearly state what they need.

He takes mind numbing pills that take away his reasoning abilities and judgment. The children frequently awake at night and expect a parent to help them xxxx. The children are young and cannot yet take care of themselves. They need a clear minded adult and x is unable to provide that at this time. This happens on a day to day basis, and you are even more concerned what would happen in an emergency, such as (give a past or present kid relevant health issue or other issue like when kid tried to go outside).

Ex Exhibits poor judgement when leaving the children alone in the car in winter for 20+ minutes, 7 is not old enough to watch 4 and you are concerned what he is doing that requires him to be absent from the children for such long periods of time.

Allude to possibility. State things explicitly. Sound like the wise and knowing parent. Don't set up promises or ideals, like things that ex could do. That's not your job. Just clearly state repeatedly what's happening, WHY it matters for both him and the kids, what you are concerned about, and what the children may learn or interpret from his behaviour, compared to what you instill in them in your care.

To directly answer your question, sounds like 4hr (possibly supervised if it gets bad) outing days would be best.

I would also point out the increased stress heightening the risk of relapse based on examples of past cool behaviour.

He does want the kids. He asks for them all the time per op.

Right, but wanting them and wanting to parent, raise, nurture and take care of them are 2 different things. He could want them to distract himself, to feel like less of a failure, to impress or try to appear good to his new gf, to skirt child support, to keep the fight going, to keep op engaged in his life. Addicts often do not tolerate being needed and being focused on meeting the needs of others very well at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be a battle, but truthfully he probably doesn't want to take care of a 4 & 7 year old too often, so if you play it carefully you might get a good outcome without too much pain.

Keep coming up with examples like yours. You're on a good track with your phrasing, but need to adjust your wording a little and state the effect. Don't leave it up to reader interpretation.

Specify what the action takes away from him, specify how that hurts the kids, clearly state what they need.

He takes mind numbing pills that take away his reasoning abilities and judgment. The children frequently awake at night and expect a parent to help them xxxx. The children are young and cannot yet take care of themselves. They need a clear minded adult and x is unable to provide that at this time. This happens on a day to day basis, and you are even more concerned what would happen in an emergency, such as (give a past or present kid relevant health issue or other issue like when kid tried to go outside).

Ex Exhibits poor judgement when leaving the children alone in the car in winter for 20+ minutes, 7 is not old enough to watch 4 and you are concerned what he is doing that requires him to be absent from the children for such long periods of time.

Allude to possibility. State things explicitly. Sound like the wise and knowing parent. Don't set up promises or ideals, like things that ex could do. That's not your job. Just clearly state repeatedly what's happening, WHY it matters for both him and the kids, what you are concerned about, and what the children may learn or interpret from his behaviour, compared to what you instill in them in your care.

To directly answer your question, sounds like 4hr (possibly supervised if it gets bad) outing days would be best.

I would also point out the increased stress heightening the risk of relapse based on examples of past cool behaviour.

He does want the kids. He asks for them all the time per op.

Right, but wanting them and wanting to parent, raise, nurture and take care of them are 2 different things. He could want them to distract himself, to feel like less of a failure, to impress or try to appear good to his new gf, to skirt child support, to keep the fight going, to keep op engaged in his life. Addicts often do not tolerate being needed and being focused on meeting the needs of others very well at all.

There is probably a lot more to this but he wants time with his kids. Op needs to set up a schedule. Simple. You love to make more into a situation than there is.

[Anonymous]

I would take a step back and realize that the bar for being a parent is very low and judges see examples of poor judgment every day. So, what looks to you like horrible neglect is going to be just another day in family court for the judge full of dumb people doing dumb things.

Also, if the medicine is prescribed I think you're going to have a hard time arguing that it impairs him to the point that he can't parent. He might not be able to drive with it but there's other options in an emergency (uber or ambulance).

You should talk to a lawyer though, they can give you a better lay of the land in your current jurisdiction and how the judges typically rule.

[Anonymous]

Asking for the kids to complain and criticize Op is very different from actually wanting to spend time taking care of them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking for the kids to complain and criticize Op is very different from actually wanting to spend time taking care of them alone.

He is taking the kids. He wants them.