14 yr old in Whitman: out-of-school behavior

[Anonymous]

The 9th graders are pretty sedate. Many of them are involved in some kind of after school activity like sports or other extracurriculars. Those who aren't, and aren't walkers, take the school bus home. Parent pickups are usually for kids doing after school activities but they can and do also take the Ride On bus.

On weekends lots of kids roam the streets of downtown Bethesda. They might go to a movie or go out to dinner. More often they are at a friend's house. We had an effective curfew because we didn't want to be going out to pick up DC after 11 pm.

At our parent orientation the principal told parents that they should not encourage sleepovers because that's when the kids tend to get in trouble. I don't think DC ever did a sleepover while at Whitman.

[Anonymous]

It’s mostly downtown Bethesda, mall, friends houses, movies with parent pick ups. I don’t want him scooting or riding ride on buses at night so I’m fine with pick ups. Agree that sleepovers are a bad idea

[Anonymous]

OP we're European, from the UK originally. We moved out of Whitman and across the country recently. My DD who is 15 said it felt like leaving a very boring bubble and entering the real world. So there's that.

Whitman is quite boring except when it's not. Your kid will find his people. If he's attracted to trouble he will find it. If he wants to be a nerd and play computer games he can do that too.

[Anonymous]

The way this question was posed is insane to me.

"Should I expect him to be out all day at weekends?" is an odd way for a parent to view how she manages the comings and goings of her 14-year-old child. You realize, as the parent, that you get to determine where he goes, who he goes with and what time he comes back, right? Your 14 year old is not the boss of you.

[Anonymous]

I'm from Paris, went to a private international school, and had a very, very sheltered life. There was no walking out at night by myself. When I went out to dinner with friends, my parents, and my friends' parents, would come and pick us up. There were no sleepovers and very few parties in my studious circle. Some kis in my class were out all the time, and there were quite a few stories of some of my girl classmates racing to the metro after a party to take the last train of the night to go home (1-2am). My parents would have had conniptions if I'd done that!

This is to push back a bit on the notion that Bethesda is a bubble and European cities are looser. It really depends on the families, and posters are correct to say that like-minded kids gravitate towards each other.

[Anonymous]

I want to hear more about OP's moped. Where, when?

I had a scooter as an adult, I gave it up when I moved from the city to suburbs, because there's nowhere to get it serviced, in the summers are too spread out and traffic is too high speed and cars are too dangerous.
Even if it were legal I wouldn't want a 14-year-old to ride it here.
My sister messed up her leg riding on her friends motorcycle in high school.

Past generations when were tolerant of risky behavior that took some people out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from Paris, went to a private international school, and had a very, very sheltered life. There was no walking out at night by myself. When I went out to dinner with friends, my parents, and my friends' parents, would come and pick us up. There were no sleepovers and very few parties in my studious circle. Some kis in my class were out all the time, and there were quite a few stories of some of my girl classmates racing to the metro after a party to take the last train of the night to go home (1-2am). My parents would have had conniptions if I'd done that!

This is to push back a bit on the notion that Bethesda is a bubble and European cities are looser. It really depends on the families, and posters are correct to say that like-minded kids gravitate towards each other.

Your experience as a foreign visitor in a bubble school in Paris is it really a good sample of local culture. It's right there the name "Iinternational School"

[Anonymous]

Anon2023 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Where are you coming from, OP?

Europe with great access to public transport round the clock, so kids of his age expect to come back home on their own at around 11pm at the weekend. I did it myself ages ago elsewhere after I became 14 (after being allowed to ride a moped), all my friends did...

Attempts to enforce a picking-up agreement instead of him taking the bus home have not been not well received by my son. From speaking to some of his friends' parents they stopped picking up their children a long time ago so I see why my attempts are not welcome by my son. I am just embarrassing him!

In Bethesda it seems to me that either children hang out very locally (going back home on foot) or get picked up by parents. I have not seen much moped- or scooter-riding by kids and I also see very few kids - if any at all - in the mall area after, say, 9pm at the weekend. I had the opportunity to visit quite often before the big move so I did some field research, I am not a stalker! In the place we live in Europe children hang out a lot on the streets, especially at the weekend. As the area is not very safe, that concerns me.

As a very liberal parent, I would want to give him as much freedom as possible while being safe. I am concerned that if I do not get the balance right, as a new kid to the area eager to make friends he could end up hanging out with the wrong crowd. That is why I am asking this perhaps silly-sounding question here..

The public transport is not as great in the Whitman area so you're going to see very little of this. Most kids will rely on getting to and from places by cars driven by their parents or older siblings. Even if you live in an area where metro/bus access is great, I'm not sure I would recommend you allow your 14 year old to find their own way home by taking public transportation. While the metro in the DC area is still safe, it is not as safe as it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anon2023 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The Whitman zone is mostly car-dependent, with single family homes on large lots. Kids will drive or get picked up to go anywhere.

It sounds like the areas zoned for BCC, Walter Johnson or, in DC itself, Jackson Reed would be a better fit for the lifestyle you’re seeking for your family.

Thanks - I have given you the wrong impression, sorry, as we would like to move away from current "lifestyle". Apart from the very good table results and college destinations, one of the attractions of Whitman's area was our perception that kids would need to rely more on their parents' car and that families would naturally be more present. BCC and WJ are very good schools but we think WW would suit our son better as a newcomer to the country. We are a bit concerned about living in DC to be honest, hence our focus on MoCo.

I know the area very well and have a couple of friends already living in the catchment although they have younger children so not in WW yet.

Despite the misunderstanding, I think you just said what we wanted to hear!!

FWIW, there are lots of immigrant kids at WJ. What were you looking to Whitman for specifically?