14 yr old in Whitman: out-of-school behavior

[Anon2023]

We are about to move to Withman's area with a 14 yr old very sociable and outgoing son.

Moving from far away so not very familiar with how teens spend their time in Bethesda (what they are allowed and what parents should be aware of) so asking here about what I should allow my son. What is an acceptable time back home at the weekend? Should I expect him to be out all day at weekends? Would he be likely to hang out at friends' after school?

I am trying to avoid being too strict with him due to cultural differences although I feel the teen lifestyle in Bethesda might be more constrained compared to where we are from - not a bad thing though!

[Anonymous]

Anon2023 wrote:We are about to move to Withman's area with a 14 yr old very sociable and outgoing son.

Moving from far away so not very familiar with how teens spend their time in Bethesda (what they are allowed and what parents should be aware of) so asking here about what I should allow my son. What is an acceptable time back home at the weekend? Should I expect him to be out all day at weekends? Would he be likely to hang out at friends' after school?

I am trying to avoid being too strict with him due to cultural differences although I feel the teen lifestyle in Bethesda might be more constrained compared to where we are from - not a bad thing though!

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

The range of normal is incredibly wide, OP. My teens and their friends are homebodies and rarely go out, except to each other's houses to hang out, but not all the time. They spend a lot of time studying! My neighbor's son and some of my friend's kids are never home on weekends - they do sleepovers and parties and hanging out at the mall.

It's all fine unless it impacts their grades, extra-curriculars, or they start doing drugs, alcohol or engage in risky promiscuous behavior. So talk to your kid about that.

[Anonymous]

Anon2023 wrote:We are about to move to Withman's area with a 14 yr old very sociable and outgoing son.

Moving from far away so not very familiar with how teens spend their time in Bethesda (what they are allowed and what parents should be aware of) so asking here about what I should allow my son. What is an acceptable time back home at the weekend? Should I expect him to be out all day at weekends? Would he be likely to hang out at friends' after school?

I am trying to avoid being too strict with him due to cultural differences although I feel the teen lifestyle in Bethesda might be more constrained compared to where we are from - not a bad thing though!

Where are you coming from, OP?

[Anon2023]

Editing the message as I thought I better quote the person I am replying to - sorry not very much into online forums... - replying below

[Anon2023]

Anonymous wrote:

Where are you coming from, OP?

Europe with great access to public transport round the clock, so kids of his age expect to come back home on their own at around 11pm at the weekend. I did it myself ages ago elsewhere after I became 14 (after being allowed to ride a moped), all my friends did...

Attempts to enforce a picking-up agreement instead of him taking the bus home have not been not well received by my son. From speaking to some of his friends' parents they stopped picking up their children a long time ago so I see why my attempts are not welcome by my son. I am just embarrassing him!

In Bethesda it seems to me that either children hang out very locally (going back home on foot) or get picked up by parents. I have not seen much moped- or scooter-riding by kids and I also see very few kids - if any at all - in the mall area after, say, 9pm at the weekend. I had the opportunity to visit quite often before the big move so I did some field research, I am not a stalker! In the place we live in Europe children hang out a lot on the streets, especially at the weekend. As the area is not very safe, that concerns me.

As a very liberal parent, I would want to give him as much freedom as possible while being safe. I am concerned that if I do not get the balance right, as a new kid to the area eager to make friends he could end up hanging out with the wrong crowd. That is why I am asking this perhaps silly-sounding question here..

[Anonymous]

Anon2023 wrote:Europe with great access to public transport round the clock, so kids of his age expect to come back home on their own at around 11pm at the weekend. I did it myself ages ago elsewhere after I became 14 (after being allowed to ride a moped), all my friends did...

Attempts to enforce a picking-up agreement instead of him taking the bus home have not been not well received by my son. From speaking to some of his friends' parents they stopped picking up their children a long time ago so I see why my attempts are not welcome by my son. I am just embarrassing him!

In Bethesda it seems to me that either children hang out very locally (going back home on foot) or get picked up by parents. I have not seen much moped- or scooter-riding by kids and I also see very few kids - if any at all - in the mall area after, say, 9pm at the weekend. I had the opportunity to visit quite often before the big move so I did some field research, I am not a stalker! In the place we live in Europe children hang out a lot on the streets, especially at the weekend. As the area is not very safe, that concerns me.

As a very liberal parent, I would want to give him as much freedom as possible while being safe. I am concerned that if I do not get the balance right, as a new kid to the area eager to make friends he could end up hanging out with the wrong crowd. That is why I am asking this perhaps silly-sounding question here..

The Whitman zone is mostly car-dependent, with single family homes on large lots. Kids will drive or get picked up to go anywhere.

It sounds like the areas zoned for BCC, Walter Johnson or, in DC itself, Jackson Reed would be a better fit for the lifestyle you’re seeking for your family.

[Anon2023]

Anonymous wrote:The range of normal is incredibly wide, OP. My teens and their friends are homebodies and rarely go out, except to each other's houses to hang out, but not all the time. They spend a lot of time studying! My neighbor's son and some of my friend's kids are never home on weekends - they do sleepovers and parties and hanging out at the mall.

It's all fine unless it impacts their grades, extra-curriculars, or they start doing drugs, alcohol or engage in risky promiscuous behavior. So talk to your kid about that.

Thanks, yes I agree with you - the range of what is normal must be very wide, it would be odd if it wasn't I think my son will like to hear about your neighbor's son and some of your friends' kids ... They feel quite a bit like him!

Just wondering if you could comment on drugs, alcohol or risky promiscuous behavior. How common should I expect them to be among Whitman's students?

Also, wondering what the reaction of the school is likely to be when kids get caught doing drugs or alcohol. I have a zero-tolerance policy on drugs and alcohol but I fear that I am alienating him and pushing him toward trying the very things I fear. That is just what happened between my parents and myself!

If that was to happen between our son and us, it would be good to have an idea of how Whitman would react.... just hypothetical but as somebody not familiar with the US school, system we have got loads to learn!

[Anonymous]

Anon2023 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The range of normal is incredibly wide, OP. My teens and their friends are homebodies and rarely go out, except to each other's houses to hang out, but not all the time. They spend a lot of time studying! My neighbor's son and some of my friend's kids are never home on weekends - they do sleepovers and parties and hanging out at the mall.

It's all fine unless it impacts their grades, extra-curriculars, or they start doing drugs, alcohol or engage in risky promiscuous behavior. So talk to your kid about that.

Thanks, yes I agree with you - the range of what is normal must be very wide, it would be odd if it wasn't I think my son will like to hear about your neighbor's son and some of your friends' kids ... They feel quite a bit like him!

Just wondering if you could comment on drugs, alcohol or risky promiscuous behavior. How common should I expect them to be among Whitman's students?

Also, wondering what the reaction of the school is likely to be when kids get caught doing drugs or alcohol. I have a zero-tolerance policy on drugs and alcohol but I fear that I am alienating him and pushing him toward trying the very things I fear. That is just what happened between my parents and myself!

If that was to happen between our son and us, it would be good to have an idea of how Whitman would react.... just hypothetical but as somebody not familiar with the US school, system we have got loads to learn!

Very, at pretty much all American HS.

[Anon2023]

Anonymous wrote:

The Whitman zone is mostly car-dependent, with single family homes on large lots. Kids will drive or get picked up to go anywhere.

It sounds like the areas zoned for BCC, Walter Johnson or, in DC itself, Jackson Reed would be a better fit for the lifestyle you’re seeking for your family.

Thanks - I have given you the wrong impression, sorry, as we would like to move away from current "lifestyle". Apart from the very good table results and college destinations, one of the attractions of Whitman's area was our perception that kids would need to rely more on their parents' car and that families would naturally be more present. BCC and WJ are very good schools but we think WW would suit our son better as a newcomer to the country. We are a bit concerned about living in DC to be honest, hence our focus on MoCo.

I know the area very well and have a couple of friends already living in the catchment although they have younger children so not in WW yet.

Despite the misunderstanding, I think you just said what we wanted to hear!!

[Anonymous]

Bethesda WW area is one of the safest, most boring places I have ever been, OP, so I am really not sure where you are coming from. Small town in Switzerland???

The most dangerous situations your son will be in are the ones created by his peers - driving after drinking, dating each other to do stupid things, experimenting with drugs… the danger certainly isn’t coming from some crime-ridden Burning Tree gang.

[Anonymous]

DaRing each other…

[Anonymous]

OP-- the minimum age for riding a moped in Maryland is 16 (and one needs to get a license for it). So that's why you don't see it. A motorized scooter or electric bike would be fine, though you're right they're not as popular. Maybe by parent restriction but likely by kid laziness and the fact that the geography is more spread out than you are probably used to.

Because our cities tend to be more spread out (and the school districts are many miles across), most 14 year olds are dependent on car pickups.

For my own teens, I've been very happy that they depend on me picking them up after parties and such at age 14, so I can take stock of them (drinking, etc) on the way home. But I'm sure a lot of parents don't care/do this. By 16, most kids either have access to a car or have a friend with a car so they travel that way.

11pm is quite reasonable at 14. For my own kids, I've never actually had to set a curfew since I basically always needed to pick them up. So I've been fine with letting them stay out to 12pm or a bit later at age 14 but it's generally on a case-by-case basis (based on my own schedule/sleepiness). My experience is that by age 16, some other kids have essentially had no curfew and others have had one that is no earlier than 11.


Social life depends on the kid. Going to public places is expensive and bars won't allow entry at 16 so kids tend to go to parties at other kids' houses. Many are wild, noisy, late, and involve drinking (not sanctioned but it's clear that it happens) and others are small, quiet hangouts.

[Anonymous]

Most 14 year old boys at my kids middle school are doing very little hanging out outside of school.

[Anonymous]

Some Whitman kids take the Ride On bus Route 29) to downtown Bethesda, where they hang out.

Kids also can get Uber and Lyft rides these days too.