How to handle - homeless man threatened me and DD

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you’re doing the right things. Validate that it was scary, and talk through a plan for what to do if someone threatens her or makes her uncomfortable. Make sure she knows that it’s okay to run and/or yell for help. She needs to know it’s okay to be “rude” if she feels unsafe.

Talk through how it’s normal to have heightened feelings about it for a while, and she can trust that that will lessen over time.

[Anonymous]

You should talk to the CVS manager, OP. They should know that the homeless person that was there was causing problems. If he is there frequently, then the store will be alerted and will keep an eye out and take action if they need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy her a pepper spray.

Nope. It can be used against her.

This is one of the dumbest, most patronizing myths out there but somehow it persists. “Don’t resist and you won’t get hurt.” Nonsense. A properly trained person with pepper spray will have deployed it before the assailant knows it’s there. The people who have their weapons taken away are the ones who wave them around like a magic talisman, but without the willingness and training to use them.

[Anonymous]

Adding: OP: 8 is too young for pepper spray, but you need to be prepared to defend yourself and your child. To help her process this, try to emphasize the rarity of such events in your lives, how nothing bad actually happened despite it having been scary, and that there are things girls and women can learn to protect themselves, which you will arrange for her to learn when she’s a little bigger and stronger. People are wired to remember threats. The goal here is to work through the feelings so that the programming will lessen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re doing the right things. Validate that it was scary, and talk through a plan for what to do if someone threatens her or makes her uncomfortable. Make sure she knows that it’s okay to run and/or yell for help. She needs to know it’s okay to be “rude” if she feels unsafe.

Talk through how it’s normal to have heightened feelings about it for a while, and she can trust that that will lessen over time.

Especially this.
And +1 to martial arts if she's interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy her a pepper spray.

'

Absolutely NO. I and my teen DD took an excellent self-defense class and the instructor said he always tells people to NEVER have pepper spray/mace/etc. It is far, far too easy to hold it wrong in a moment of panic, press the button--and it's turned accidentally toward your face and you spray yourself. Or the person takes it and uses it on you. Or you use it OK and it might hit the other person but can very easily drift right back into your own face. Just a terrible thing to try to use.

OP, if she does not respond to your trying to calm her and reassure her, consider ordering (for yourself) the book When Your Child Is Afraid -- you can probably get it by Monday off Amazon etc. It's a bit old but might help you help her. Also there are kids' books about dealing with fear.

It could also help for you to talk to her school counselor one on one, over the phone if not in person. Explain this all to the counselor and ask for specific things to say and some strategies for making your daughter feel reassured and also empowered and like she is going to be OK if she encounters a situation like this again. School counselors can and do talk with parents about things like this, all the time. I know from experience!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy her a pepper spray.

Nope. It can be used against her.

This is one of the dumbest, most patronizing myths out there but somehow it persists. “Don’t resist and you won’t get hurt.” Nonsense. A properly trained person with pepper spray will have deployed it before the assailant knows it’s there. The people who have their weapons taken away are the ones who wave them around like a magic talisman, but without the willingness and training to use them.

This is a child of eight. Not a "properly trained" teen or adult. And I'll say again what I said above: Self-defense trainer, teaching teen girls and adult women actual physical techniques, was extremely against sprays of any kind.

And PP, you wrongly equated "spray can be used against you" with "Don't resist and you won't get hurt." That poster never said "Don't resist and you won't get hurt." He or she ONLY said sprays are too risky. You completely created the rest out of your own mind.

This is all why teens and adults should take a reputable self-defense class with a strong emphasis on how to get AWAY from assailants and how to use whatever is at hand, and especially your own body, to defend yourself -- only if you cannot escape. No one said "don't resist" but for certain, the goal is to escape first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy her a pepper spray.

How about a whistle

[Anonymous]

I think a self defense class might help her feel more in control. But frankly she does need to be more aware of people who could be Dangerous. Hopefully you can find a class or coach who helps turn fear into action. Also try try role playing, discussing what to do in those situations.

[Anonymous]

She sounds sane and normal. DO NOT encourage your daughter to turn off her self alarm for when she’s in danger. You will set her up to be assaulted.

You need to move somewhere where there aren’t people around who might attack you randomly. Honestly that’s the only answer. And a big part of the country.