How to handle - homeless man threatened me and DD

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old daughter and I went to cvs the other week and a homeless man approach us and lunged at me like he was going to punch me and called me a b-word and then walked off. He didn’t actually hurt me. It’s been only a week, but my daughter is pretty freaked out. I’ve noticed her head is on a swivel constantly when we’re out and see anyone that looks remotely homeless or sketchy, and today she started crying when we were on a street with several people who looked like that. I’m not sure the best way to handle. I want her to feel safe, but we can’t completely avoid every sketchy person out there. I tried explaining that most people are kind, this was very unusual etc. I just need advice on the best way to handle this and to help her. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Paris, where agitated drunk homeless people were part of my route. I don't get easily fazed about these things, so if I were you, I'd calm your child, say that most homeless people are entirely peaceful, and that if one seems aggressive, she has to back away and ask for help from the store manager or nearest likely-looking adult.

[Anonymous]

Every woman should know self defense moves. I would tell her what she should do if she really was threatened. Run? Yell?

When people get traumatized it’s because they aren’t walking through what happened and talking about it. Their heads just get stuck in replay.

I don’t think this was a troll. My friends and I were flashed and a man tried to grope us in a public library when we were 10. When we complained the librarian misunderstood and was angry at us. She told us that homeless were allowed in libraries too.

[Anonymous]

So, when animals get really frightened they shake afterward to get the adrenaline out, like literally shake their bodies. Humans don’t do that, and we keep that adrenaline/anxiousness/trauma inside us. For kids there’s an effective technique called tapping that you could look into. She would just do it a few times and hopefully it will help her to process what happened.

[Anonymous]

Buy her a pepper spray.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her and say you’ve noticed she still seems shook up, does she want to talk to you about. See if processing by talking helps. Ask her what would help? Could ask if she wants to take self defense or martial arts classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy her a pepper spray.

Nope. It can be used against her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, when animals get really frightened they shake afterward to get the adrenaline out, like literally shake their bodies. Humans don’t do that, and we keep that adrenaline/anxiousness/trauma inside us. For kids there’s an effective technique called tapping that you could look into. She would just do it a few times and hopefully it will help her to process what happened.

Oh I shake after something that's scary to me (like a board meeting), trust me
And my body's preferred mechanism to expel adrenaline seems to be the nighttime panic attack, after the incident. Yipee.

[Anonymous]

Assault is often defined as any intentional act that causes another person to fear an attack or imminent physical harm. This definition recognizes that placing another person in fear of bodily harm is itself an act deserving of punishment, even if the victim of the assault is not physically harmed. This definition also allows police officers to intervene and make an arrest without waiting for the assaulter to actually strike the victim.

Assault example: Snider is walking down a city street carrying a bottle of soda. Mantle, walking along the same street in the opposite direction, sees Snider approaching. Because of Snider's reputation as a hothead, Mantle immediately becomes fearful that Snider will swing the bottle at him when their paths cross. As they walk past each other, nothing happens. Snider has not committed an assault. Snider has a right to carry a bottle of soda in public, and Mantle's fear of being hit was not the result of Snyder's intentionally threatening behavior. But now assume that, as they draw closer, Snider draws back his fist and tells Mantle "You're going to pay for stealing my collection of baseball pennants." As Snider begins to swing his fist in Mantle's direction, Mantle sprints away and escapes harm. Here, Snider has committed an assault. His intentional conduct placed Mantle in reasonable fear of immediate bodily harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, when animals get really frightened they shake afterward to get the adrenaline out, like literally shake their bodies. Humans don’t do that, and we keep that adrenaline/anxiousness/trauma inside us. For kids there’s an effective technique called tapping that you could look into. She would just do it a few times and hopefully it will help her to process what happened.

Oh I shake after something that's scary to me (like a board meeting), trust me
And my body's preferred mechanism to expel adrenaline seems to be the nighttime panic attack, after the incident. Yipee.

Somatic therapy can help- like after those meetings find a private place to shake your arms around like crazy like a wildass bird. It helps to get it out of your system so your body does have to expel via panic attack.

[Anonymous]

^ doesn’t have to resort to panic attack

[Anonymous]

She has learned a valuable lesson. Keep your head on a swivel, don’t trust anyone, if you see someone sketchy don’t go near them.

Don’t walk alone, get to your car quickly.

If you’re in trouble yell “fire, help fire” people will help if there is a fire.

I’d put her in jujitsu to learn self defense.

She more likely to be assaulted by the smart, handsome dude in HS than a homeless guy.

Learn now. Stay safe.

[Anonymous]

It's hard because say you have trauma from an earthquake, you don't face constant exposure to them every day. There are a lot of mentally ill, unstable, addicts roaming around and a lot of robberies happening at CVS stores, so there can be frequent triggering and the fear is not baseless.

Kids rely on adults to keep them safe, a threat to you, OP, made her feel very vulnerable. I think suggestions for some sort of martial arts or self defense could help empower her now and in the future.

[Anonymous]

I'd point out that if one white girl is mean, it doesn't mean all white girls are mean. If one fat person is sad, it doesn't mean all fat people are sad. And if one homeless person is so mentally ill as to call a stranger names, it doesn't mean ALL homeless people would do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assault is often defined as any intentional act that causes another person to fear an attack or imminent physical harm. This definition recognizes that placing another person in fear of bodily harm is itself an act deserving of punishment, even if the victim of the assault is not physically harmed. This definition also allows police officers to intervene and make an arrest without waiting for the assaulter to actually strike the victim.

Assault example: Snider is walking down a city street carrying a bottle of soda. Mantle, walking along the same street in the opposite direction, sees Snider approaching. Because of Snider's reputation as a hothead, Mantle immediately becomes fearful that Snider will swing the bottle at him when their paths cross. As they walk past each other, nothing happens. Snider has not committed an assault. Snider has a right to carry a bottle of soda in public, and Mantle's fear of being hit was not the result of Snyder's intentionally threatening behavior. But now assume that, as they draw closer, Snider draws back his fist and tells Mantle "You're going to pay for stealing my collection of baseball pennants." As Snider begins to swing his fist in Mantle's direction, Mantle sprints away and escapes harm. Here, Snider has committed an assault. His intentional conduct placed Mantle in reasonable fear of immediate bodily harm.

I a fascinated by the example you gave. (Not in the meat of the example, which I already knew, but….. the details…)