Do you set limits on what teen DD wears

[Anonymous]

Yes of course and all parents should. No crop tops at school or extended family events. Friends outside of school is fine. If we are going out to eat or meeting grandparents I’ll ask her to wear “real” clothes - not leggings.

[Anonymous]

I tell her when stuff looks tacky or cheap and she trusts me. I don’t judge outfits by skimpiness (athletic shorts are totally ok) but by whether or not she appears to be seeking sexual attention (hot shorts are not ok).

[Anonymous]

I have a DD who is fairly modest and doesn't want to wear super short shorts or crop tops, but we still talk about what is appropriate attire in varying circumstances. What is ok for hanging out with friends might be slightly different from school and is definitely different from dressing for a family function or church or similar.

This isn't judging clothes that others choose to wear, it's teaching the same boundaries that we have as adults. Right now I'm working from home in shorts and a t-shirt, that's not what I'd wear in an office setting or to a funeral.

Luckily so far we haven't had battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell her when stuff looks tacky or cheap and she trusts me. I don’t judge outfits by skimpiness (athletic shorts are totally ok) but by whether or not she appears to be seeking sexual attention (hot shorts are not ok).

PP who has no limits. When my girls wear super short shorts or small crop tops I do ask where the rest of their clothing is but still allow them to wear it. They’re both over 18 now.

[Anonymous]

DD 15 and DD 17.

Yes, I set limits. Clothes need to be appropriate for the occasion. Clothes may be tight, cropped, or low-cut, but rarely two of those, and not all three unless you are at the beach. Clothing may not be tight from head to toe.

New rule for DD 15: You must wear something other than sweats/leggings/athletic shorts to school at least one day a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 15 and DD 17.

Yes, I set limits. Clothes need to be appropriate for the occasion. Clothes may be tight, cropped, or low-cut, but rarely two of those, and not all three unless you are at the beach. Clothing may not be tight from head to toe.

New rule for DD 15: You must wear something other than sweats/leggings/athletic shorts to school at least one day a week.

I don’t get this last rule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has to be appropriate for the occasion. Summer BBQ--go short, go cropped. I don't care.

Winter concert at the Kennedy Center--dress appropriately

+1 and three thoughts:

1) and also, in conversations NOT about her, I've introduced the idea of "classy"....careful to avoid triggering defense mechanisms by comparing "classy" to "trashy" or "skanky" or anything else. Just up-talked "classy" or stylish dressing.

My now 20 y.o. DD has always dressed on target for her age, but she always is on the classy side and I think that's partly due to me...

2) oh when my DDs were younger, I used to playfully threaten (jokingly, folks) that if they wore jean shorts with their butt hanging out, then I would too. I'd warn them that I'd pick them up from school, yelling, "YOOO-HOO! LAAAAARRRLA! Mom's here!" in my too-short jeanshorts. This always got a big laugh but I think it did help a bit

3) More importantly, I think it's important to teach kids WHY they are looking in the mirror, and encourage them to look in the mirror for the (mentally healthier) reasons. Why do people look in the mirror? Some to examine their flaws, take themselves apart. I encouraged my DDs to look in the mirror to see that they are appropriately dressed for the occasion, and didn't miss a button, etc. This is easier to explain when they are younger. But it's still do-able with a teen, if you are speaking in general terms as opposed to talking about them specificly.

If you think about it, mirrors are really recent in evolutionary terms, and even then, at the beginning were reserved for the elite. Clear mirrors that are accssible for everyone have been around for just the tiniest blip in human evolution. We are just not designed for mirrors to be non-stop in our faces. When we moved to a new place, one whole wall of each of my kids' rooms was mirrored. I don't think that's healthy!

+1

My kid dresses preppy. Her dressing style has been commented on and complimented at by her teachers, professors and employers at school, college, internships and work. I have reminded her that her bossess, teachers, professors will inevitably be someone of older generation and they judge on the kind of clothes you wear. Dress for the job you want and keep it modest while being age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I was just walking behind two teen girls with shorts so small and tight both of their ass cheeks were hanging out. Actual ass cheeks.

My thought balloon was when in the history of time has teen boy fashion required me seeing their bodies in so much glory. I have seen enough girl teen ass, boobs, and midriffs to last me a lifetime with current fashion trends.

What gets me even more is this is all framed as body positivity and girls not being shamed. Why aren't we framing it as the absurd double standard it is as foisted on them by pop culture and the fashion industry.

[Anonymous]

No other than guidance in appropriate clothes for serious moments. Same as I would a son.

School has no real dress code and it’s a free for all.

[Anonymous]

I have two rules -

1. Cheeks covered
2. Booty shorts, OR crop top, not both

Otherwise, I’ve given up. I think my teen and I can both live with this compromise for now.

[Anonymous]

I think that some girls do need to have their asses hanging from their shorts as a public service.

They attract the attention of perverts on themselves thereby making modestly dressed girls safer. Think of them as the first wilderbeeste that jumps into the crocodile infested river.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that some girls do need to have their asses hanging from their shorts as a public service.

They attract the attention of perverts on themselves thereby making modestly dressed girls safer. Think of them as the first wilderbeeste that jumps into the crocodile infested river.

It doesn't work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just walking behind two teen girls with shorts so small and tight both of their ass cheeks were hanging out. Actual ass cheeks.

My thought balloon was when in the history of time has teen boy fashion required me seeing their bodies in so much glory. I have seen enough girl teen ass, boobs, and midriffs to last me a lifetime with current fashion trends.

What gets me even more is this is all framed as body positivity and girls not being shamed. Why aren't we framing it as the absurd double standard it is as foisted on them by pop culture and the fashion industry.

https://olympics.com/ioc/ancient-olympic-games

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. When they but their own clothes it may be different.

[Anonymous]

I find that if I make a judgement about what she is wearing, and this is especially true of girls, I am bringing my own bias and judgement from when I was growing up, which I'm pretty sure is perpetuating the stereotypes that we are all trying to avoid and dismiss for this next generation. So I am now staying far away from not only commenting but looking! That said, at 14 I no longer buy their clothes. They can thrift for what they want and that suits me fine. When we need to go to a dressy event, they have no problem wearing something "appropriate"