BD gift disappointment and vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he think you are buying a bag for yourself and these are just extra trinkets?

DH was alarmed I opened the gifts on my own - "I was going to explain these were just teasers." Knowing him, I know that is what he meant. He just doesn't put together that it would simply be better to get cards than these clearly cheap last minute teasers (which the cards could be!).

He used to be very, very bad at gifts, then we worked out a plan and that's probably why I am flummoxed because these gifts smacked of the old days when I would spend ~$150-200 and he would get me a coffee cup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I can't deal with grown adults that get in the feels about their birthday.

Go buy yourself what you want.

OP here. I largely agree with you. I've never gotten folks who take off for their BDs, etc. But this has also been a source of friction, especially as he likes the gifts I get him though I also make it clear that "I have the receipt and please get what you want." If I get someone a gift they do not like, I consider it a learning experience to figure out what they make like the next time.

[Anonymous]

The fact you are annoyed it’s a knock off tells me you are high maintenance. The sizes being wrong would annoy me though.
Do you not appreciate a gift unless it’s an expensive brand?
And why don’t you open gifts together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he think you are buying a bag for yourself and these are just extra trinkets?

DH was alarmed I opened the gifts on my own - "I was going to explain these were just teasers." Knowing him, I know that is what he meant. He just doesn't put together that it would simply be better to get cards than these clearly cheap last minute teasers (which the cards could be!).

He used to be very, very bad at gifts, then we worked out a plan and that's probably why I am flummoxed because these gifts smacked of the old days when I would spend ~$150-200 and he would get me a coffee cup.

I think it’s weird you didn’t open them together.

[Anonymous]

As long as DH showed me love and appreciation in other ways, I would consider this the gift of a funny story and sock it away for later. Presents are for a moment; funny stories are forever.

That outlook helps me get through many short-term mildly painful moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as DH showed me love and appreciation in other ways, I would consider this the gift of a funny story and sock it away for later. Presents are for a moment; funny stories are forever.

That outlook helps me get through many short-term mildly painful moments.

OP here. I agree. As I did indicate in first post, DH is a great guy. We did laugh when discussing later this morning and he made fun of himself about it. I'm sure we will share with our kids at some point when they are home from school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact you are annoyed it’s a knock off tells me you are high maintenance. The sizes being wrong would annoy me though.
Do you not appreciate a gift unless it’s an expensive brand?
And why don’t you open gifts together?

I'm not high maintenance and DH occasionally shares that he appreciates that I am not. Some of the women in our couples' friends are as are his cousins and sister so he sees it. At the same time, if we've discussed some specific pieces of jewelry, then I'm not interested in a knock off. FWIW, I'm not interested in a Alhambra necklace/bracelet and we never discussed it. Guessing that he sees the real piece on some women at work, saw the knock off at a stall at a street festival over the weekend, and decided to buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BD today. DH went away with a few of his besties this weekend as one had a big BD. He needs a break so great that he could get away.

He got in very, very late so is still asleep. He left two gifts for me on table - the bigger gift wrap included 2 t-shirts from his weekend destination - perhaps a 13 y.o. could fit in they are so small. The smaller is a truly knock off Alhambra bracelet and too small for my wrist.

The cards are wonderful and thrilled that he thinks I am the same size from our early years. Just wish he would have stopped there. He probably spent all in 2-3K for his weekend away and these gifts probably come in at around $50 total.

Just wish he would have left it with the cards.

Vent done.

Wow! You got a bracelet and it is still not enough?
It’s my birthday today and I got a card and a snack i like - LOL!
yes, we are going to a nice dinner.
i would not want a $2K gift, i would rather spendvthst the house or a family vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He thought about you, said there is that. Don’t expect people to read your mind. Tell him what you would like for a present before your next birthday, Christmas, etc

No, there is not that. He's a grown up. He doesn't need to have everything spoonfed to him like a fuxxing child. I'm all for hints or ideas for gifts, within reason. But sometimes, you can expect them to listen, to know what your own wife likes. Somehow Im able to do that. . .

Why you doormat women give your loser husbands a pass for everything is beyond me.

What an idiot. He is a loser because he bought gifts she did not like??
Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Take a weekend away as well; or spend the same $2-3k in whatever you want or just sick them away. You will feel a little better

[Anonymous]

My partner used to give terrible gifts and treat my bd as an afterthought too. Now I tell him exactly what I want (restaurant, outing, etc) and he does it. And now I’m happy.

I think men especially can be clueless so maybe they just need directives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you are annoyed it’s a knock off tells me you are high maintenance. The sizes being wrong would annoy me though.
Do you not appreciate a gift unless it’s an expensive brand?
And why don’t you open gifts together?

I'm not high maintenance and DH occasionally shares that he appreciates that I am not. Some of the women in our couples' friends are as are his cousins and sister so he sees it. At the same time, if we've discussed some specific pieces of jewelry, then I'm not interested in a knock off. FWIW, I'm not interested in a Alhambra necklace/bracelet and we never discussed it. Guessing that he sees the real piece on some women at work, saw the knock off at a stall at a street festival over the weekend, and decided to buy it.

You may not be as high maintenance as his cousin or whatever, but let’s not pretend you’re low maintenance. Every one of your posts smacks as high maintenance and pretty entitled.

[Anonymous]

OP ignore the ‘high maintenance’ judgements. It appears that you’ve pointed out enough times that you find gifts - gifts chosen with thought - a loving gesture. Its not news to him so you have every reason to feel hurt by these thoughtless gestures. I believe you when you say a card would have been enough-and I can see that these useless gifts even diminish the cards he did give you. If you’ve made clear you only like chocolate ice cream and DH gets you vanilla time and again he wouldn’t be getting brownie points just because hey he got you a dessert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as DH showed me love and appreciation in other ways, I would consider this the gift of a funny story and sock it away for later. Presents are for a moment; funny stories are forever.

That outlook helps me get through many short-term mildly painful moments.

This. Humor will get you far in life.

My friend's husband got her an enormous set of lingerie for her birthday. "Wow! What size do you think I am?!". "Well, you have the biggest, most beautiful b00bs so I thought it would fit.". "You have a 1932 coupe, though. Just remember 32 C!"

They still laugh about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BD today. DH went away with a few of his besties this weekend as one had a big BD. He needs a break so great that he could get away.

He got in very, very late so is still asleep. He left two gifts for me on table - the bigger gift wrap included 2 t-shirts from his weekend destination - perhaps a 13 y.o. could fit in they are so small. The smaller is a truly knock off Alhambra bracelet and too small for my wrist.

The cards are wonderful and thrilled that he thinks I am the same size from our early years. Just wish he would have stopped there. He probably spent all in 2-3K for his weekend away and these gifts probably come in at around $50 total.

Just wish he would have left it with the cards.

Vent done.

Wow! You got a bracelet and it is still not enough?
It’s my birthday today and I got a card and a snack i like - LOL!
yes, we are going to a nice dinner.
i would not want a $2K gift, i would rather spendvthst the house or a family vacation.

How is what you want relevant? You must suck at gift giving. How have you gotten to your age and not learned not everyone likes or does the same things as you?