What was it like for exec women & mothers 20+ years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 23 and 21 year old.

In 1999 I was pregnant and up for a promotion. My boss said “you are clearly the most qualified but since you are pregnant I think your energy and attention will be elsewhere “ and he gave the promotion to a male who was way less qualified.

At the time it was legal to discriminate because of being a new mom. It was illegal to discriminate against me as a pregnant person but as a new mom it was legal.

I was recently promoted on maternity leave! We are making progress.

Even as a man I took a step back helping with our children until they were daycare age. Not sure if this is a good thing because it also discriminates against women without children who are putting in the work and time

[Anonymous]

It's the women who entered the workforce in the 90s or earlier who have the really gnarly stories. They were more likely to be the only woman in their graduating class, or assumed that they would stop working when they married, etc.

By 2003 (20 years ago) businesses wanted to be perceived as woman friendly, although they were clumsy at it. I was a brand new lawyer that year and I recall someone a little older taking maternity leave: it was unusual that she was doing it, and everyone was sort of proud of themselves and the firm for being a place where she could yet there was no reflection on why her case was unusual. There were not many female partners, and I was still often the only woman in the room at meetings or even industry conferences. I took a government job with a pretty equality-minded male boss and a lot of female co-workers, some of whom eventually became my bosses. A female boss promoted me while I was on maternity leave. These days, the split in meetings is usually 50-50 or majority women.

I have never dealt with overt discrimination at work (I am white, btw). I have dealt with some inappropriate comments, an annoying number of party planning duties that always seem to fall on women, and A LOT of well-meaning men who don't understand why they can't retain women employees.

[Anonymous]

Kids age 19 and 21. Lawyer. When I told the partners I was pregnant, they told I was not supposed to have kids until I made partner. There was no maternity leave policy. I had to negotiate it. And I was expected to feel grateful for 6 weeks. There was no ability to arrange my schedule so I could pump.

Even with DH sharing in leaving work to care for sick children, I did not have the leave or flexibility to do so. I was in a state of low grade panic that kids were going to get sick in childcare (which happened a lot) because I had no way to miss work and care for them even 1/2 of the time.

I felt like a crappy mother and a crappy employee. All the time.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who recently took a 6 month paid maternity leave at Goldman Sachs, which would’ve been unheard of not too long ago.

At the firm I worked right out of undergrad, there was an unofficial policy that you were not allowed to give birth during certain time(s) of the year.

[Anonymous]

It was hard! Limited paid maternity leave. You could take maternity leave but you had to have the leave in your bank to be paid for it. I had the max of 5 weeks of banked leave at my company and went without pay until the daycare could take my child at 6 weeks. But they met the "offer" of giving up to 12 weeks of maternity leave.

Then there's all the years of work all day, catch up with family at night, hard to do any job that included any travel, etc. So my career took a back seat and now that I will be an empty nester at 55 trying to make up for those years that I stayed at the lowest level that I could balance work and family.

If the pandemic had happened when my kids were young then I don't know what I would have done. I think I would have had to quit work.

Things have definitely improved but I would guess there are still pockets of people that feel like they still struggle.

[Anonymous]

Women had to behave, look, and sound more serious like men, even 20 years ago. And maternity clothes were ridiculous, with the big bows and just huge, not tight-fitting like they are today.

[Anonymous]

I was an exec 20 years ago. I got pregnant and hid it for 6 months because I was up for promotion and the first-ever pregnancy in the department. When I finally told my bosses, one asked me if I was really sure about having kids. He said it causes a big change in lifestyle and could hurt my career. I was 6 months preggers and sitting across the desk from him. It was insane.
Being a working mom was hard. We leaned on a circle of friends and a rotating army of babysitters to help us juggle and cover for late nights, work trips and keep our heads above water. I had nowhere to pump, and struggled at security checkpoints in the post 9/11 TSA that feared all liquids.
The work place is much nicer now. The Gen Z and millenials have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 23 and 21 year old.

In 1999 I was pregnant and up for a promotion. My boss said “you are clearly the most qualified but since you are pregnant I think your energy and attention will be elsewhere “ and he gave the promotion to a male who was way less qualified.

At the time it was legal to discriminate because of being a new mom. It was illegal to discriminate against me as a pregnant person but as a new mom it was legal.

Men and companies are just much smarter today about how they discriminate against women.

I have a 19 and 20 year old and work in the federal government. I got my 15 before kids, I requested and got rejected 5 times to attend FEI in Charlottsville. Men said to me that it would be unfair to my husband to send me.

[Anonymous]

I worked p/t (4 days a week) for a few years when my kids were babies- no WFH and needed some flexibility. One supervisor introduced me to a new manager, hi this is (my name), she is mom and works part time. Lovely!

[Anonymous]

Im an MD so Il take a stab from the Md perspective. While it is true that maternity leave policies and gender discrimantion policies are better, younger generations do have to deal with waaaaay more crippling student loan debt, crazy housing market, exorbitant child care costs. While technology has been helpful, the pressure to turnaround things has also increased at a faster pace. And the amount of information to be digested is massive. Now, it isnt enough to be a specialist in your field, you need to know digital tools also. 401ks, ROTHs, etc. It isnt enough to get medical and life insurance, now you have to worry about disability, umbrella and oncology insurance. Every generation has its challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There wasn’t really WFH I assume.

There was not much WTF five years ago let alone 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 years ago was only 2003.

I say it has been easy at work for the ladies since at least 1993.

I say close to 100 percent of women still in work force never worked in a bad environment.

Remember in the 1960s men smoked, cursed, drank, had affairs and it was even legal to fire pregnant women.

WFH is nothing of a benefit next to I worked often 45-60 hour weeks with people smoking and cursing all day. I come home saying F bombs and we go out to drinks all the time. I often get home from work drink at 1 am and back at desk in suit by 8 am. I say 95 percent of women were gone by 35.

My department had 400 men and 5 women. And age discrimination existed for men. Out of the 395 men maybe 7-9 were over 35.

I recall my boss telling some guy who asked to leave on time as baby issue said look you screwed your wife last year without a condom now I have to work late no way

That environment started during as early as the late 1970s and was gone by early 90s

Now women are the breadwinners and hold more college degrees and women now complain no men to marry more successful than them.

I worked with a women in 1988 who was 81 and still working. The stories she had how women were treated in the 1920s and 1930s were horrific. She thought 1988 was great for women

I was called “the entertainment” before giving a presentation to a room full of men in 2003 in my mid 20s. Sexual harassment was frequent.

[Anonymous]

Also, I only took 6 weeks of maternity leave in 2011 and 2014 due to fear of not being promoted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an exec 20 years ago. I got pregnant and hid it for 6 months because I was up for promotion and the first-ever pregnancy in the department. When I finally told my bosses, one asked me if I was really sure about having kids. He said it causes a big change in lifestyle and could hurt my career. I was 6 months preggers and sitting across the desk from him. It was insane.
Being a working mom was hard. We leaned on a circle of friends and a rotating army of babysitters to help us juggle and cover for late nights, work trips and keep our heads above water. I had nowhere to pump, and struggled at security checkpoints in the post 9/11 TSA that feared all liquids.
The work place is much nicer now. The Gen Z and millenials have no idea.

I had a similar experience in 2011. I did not say a word until six months pregnant. When I was pregnant with the second, people very shocked and made rude comments. I am a young Gen X. No paid maternity leave. I used vacation I had saved and carried over and took 6 weeks only in fear of being out too long.

[Anonymous]

I took my 6 weeks of unpaid maternity leave in 2016 and hurried back to work, lest they think I'm not putting in as much time and effort as the menfolk. The same men that routinely sexually harassed me in the workplace.

A white male Sr. Director shoved and screamed at my female colleague because she had to be the bearer of some bad news related to a project. She was eventually put on a performance plan and "counseled out". He was promoted to VP.

This was for one of the nation's largest employers. Tons of inter-office affairs. All of the top executives kept condoms in their desks.

I'm gobsmacked that some of you all are getting promoted on paid maternity leave. I mean, that's great and I'm happy for you all. I'm just really shocked because that couldn't be further than my experience only a short time ago.