Venting about multiple acceptances (warning: not a pretty sight)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. That poster sounded horrible.

I totally understand the desire to look for the quirky, the uninhibited, the offbeat. However, if you stuff your whole school filled with these non-stereotypical children, guess what? You don't have diversity! And what is with putting down all the major professions in Washington DC. What's wrong with the World Bank and the IMF? Why don't you put down all the people who live in the 20007 and 20016 zip codes too. Yeah, let's hate them too.

What's wrong with a sporty boy? Does that make him unable to appreciate science? Does it mean he won't read?

Blech. Seriously, this person is a loser. A loser who has been given a small amount of power in her otherwise loser life. She holds the power over whether your 4 year old gets into private school. She's like the postal worker who treats you like crap when you don't have your forms ready. She has one moment in the sun.

You're right! Which is why she's even on this board, showing off all her "power." Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only other kid who fit my child's profile (in terms of race, gender, non-sibling, non-alum, etc.) had parents who were more impressive (and better looking) than my DH and myself. Very nice people. A SAHM Mom and a very interesting, independently wealthy artist-type as a Dad. Given a choice between them and me I probably would've picked them, too.

Why? Because they have enough money to be able to afford to be different? I'm sure you're very nice, too! Why shouldn't your child have been picked first?

[Anonymous]

"Umm, my child went from the play group of our choice, to our number one preschool, to one of the Big Three. I don't feel too much like a "loser" when it comes to getting my child placed in good private schools.

I agree with the other posters that this teacher sounds like someone who has very little power in her life (I mean, she's a TEACHER) and it has all gone to her head. Stereotyping people like she does is so ignorant in this day and age. It's sad that someone like her has any power at all to affect children's lives."


Wow, now who's stereotyping? If that's how you feel about teachers, why send your kids to school at all? I repeat: loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a teacher who's sat on admissions committees, many of these schools are evaluating the parents just as much as the children. Will the family as a whole fit in with the community? Will the family as a whole add something to the character or vibrancy of the school community? Sometimes perfectly wonderful children have their applications torpedoed by pushy, rude, distant, noncommittal, aloof, etc. parents. Also, lawyers, World Bank/IMF, and lobbying-related folks are a dime a dozen. Most schools love authors, artists, journalists, entrepreneurs, etc.

I can tell you that I once adamantly suggested that a child not be accepted because a parent made it very clear that the only reason he was applying his child to our school was to get him into another school for which we were an unofficial feeder. See, the thing is, we'd have just as much preferred not to be a feeder for that school and were in a totally different place philosophically. The kid was great, but... not a good fit from a whole family perspective.

Finally, just as wonderful as almost all children may be, there are definitely kids who present themselves as "more wonderful" than others in terms of what a school wants. For example, we used to really take a long look at boys who didn't seem to be the stereotypical sporty, boyish types and girls who didn't seem to be the stereotypical princess types. Anyone who defied stereotypes was always interesting to us because we didn't want our students to grow up in an environment that reinforces sometimes unhealthy societal stereotypes. As another example, the somewhat quiet, polite, cooperative observer who doesn't talk a lot but asks really insightful or thoughtful questions when he/she does earns a second look. And another: Kids who aren't afraid to try something unfamiliar or difficult earn points. These sorts of behaviors or tendencies are things which can't really be taught just for a playdate, and they lend a lot of insight into the character and thinking of a child. Most admissions folks I know really value authenticity and usually aren't fooled by "scripts."

Your perspective is well-received and welcome from this poster. Sorry you are getting flamed. I am always amazed at the hostility aimed at truth-tellers on this board and in life in general. People say they want information and then can't handle it when they receive it.

[Anonymous]

Amen.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with Poster 11:08--(very funny post by the way). Sadly, I do think that the parents are the ones the schools primarily judge in the early years. In our case, we do well, well educated, etc.... but are not a power couple by any means. I am sure this has come into play at certain schools. We don't like it, espcially since we think our child would do very well if judged on his/her own, but have come to grips with it. Though not in the most diplomatic of ways, the teacher poster is simply confirming this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a teacher who's sat on admissions committees, many of these schools are evaluating the parents just as much as the children. Will the family as a whole fit in with the community? Will the family as a whole add something to the character or vibrancy of the school community? Sometimes perfectly wonderful children have their applications torpedoed by pushy, rude, distant, noncommittal, aloof, etc. parents. Also, lawyers, World Bank/IMF, and lobbying-related folks are a dime a dozen. Most schools love authors, artists, journalists, entrepreneurs, etc.

I can tell you that I once adamantly suggested that a child not be accepted because a parent made it very clear that the only reason he was applying his child to our school was to get him into another school for which we were an unofficial feeder. See, the thing is, we'd have just as much preferred not to be a feeder for that school and were in a totally different place philosophically. The kid was great, but... not a good fit from a whole family perspective.

Finally, just as wonderful as almost all children may be, there are definitely kids who present themselves as "more wonderful" than others in terms of what a school wants. For example, we used to really take a long look at boys who didn't seem to be the stereotypical sporty, boyish types and girls who didn't seem to be the stereotypical princess types. Anyone who defied stereotypes was always interesting to us because we didn't want our students to grow up in an environment that reinforces sometimes unhealthy societal stereotypes. As another example, the somewhat quiet, polite, cooperative observer who doesn't talk a lot but asks really insightful or thoughtful questions when he/she does earns a second look. And another: Kids who aren't afraid to try something unfamiliar or difficult earn points. These sorts of behaviors or tendencies are things which can't really be taught just for a playdate, and they lend a lot of insight into the character and thinking of a child. Most admissions folks I know really value authenticity and usually aren't fooled by "scripts."

What's wrong with lawyers, lobbyists, and World Bank employees? Bizarre. Frankly all the private schools are filled with these types of families. How exactly do you expect artists and authors and journalists to afford your tuition?

I don't think you're being very honest with yourself or the moms on this board who are seriously applying to schools.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Also, lawyers, World Bank/IMF, and lobbying-related folks are a dime a dozen.

Another Anonymous wrote:
What's wrong with lawyers, lobbyists, and World Bank employees? Bizarre. Frankly all the private schools are filled with these types of families.

Aren't you making exactly the same point? It seems to me she is being honest and it is exactly her honesty some are finding hard to take.

[Anonymous]

I think the point is that if the schools are in fact filled with these types, then they aren't looking all that hard for starving artists, so it's hard to use the "well, you're just a lawyer" argument as an explanation for why some families have multiple acceptances and some have none. Unless all the multiple acceptances are going to families in which the parents are artists, journalists, and entrepreneurs, and I suspect that's not the case.

[Anonymous]

Also, some children may present as "more wonderful" than others, but is that honestly the sole or the leading reason why some are more likely to be accepted? I think if the poster had been more open about the other factors that are commonly thought to enter into acceptance, he or she she might not have been accused of being disingenuous.

[Anonymous]

I don't think they're "looking" for anyone. People come to them. And if there are families with more unusual professions of course they'll stand out more. But let's face it, we live in DC. Hardly home to a thriving artist colony. So, in the end, the bulk of applicants (and acceptances) will go to lawyers, World Bankers etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, some children may present as "more wonderful" than others, but is that honestly the sole or the leading reason why some are more likely to be accepted? I think if the poster had been more open about the other factors that are commonly thought to enter into acceptance, he or she she might not have been accused of being disingenuous.

Fair enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only other kid who fit my child's profile (in terms of race, gender, non-sibling, non-alum, etc.) had parents who were more impressive (and better looking) than my DH and myself. .

Uh oh, makeover time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I agree with the other posters that this teacher sounds like someone who has very little power in her life (I mean, she's a TEACHER) and it has all gone to her head. Stereotyping people like she does is so ignorant in this day and age. It's sad that someone like her has any power at all to affect children's lives.

This attitude really bothers me--and I don't think it is all that uncommon. It is amazing to me how much people look down upon teachers when, by teaching our children, they are doing one of the most important jobs. They impact not just individual children, but society as a whole because they are helping to shape the minds of future generations. I'm not weighing in on the substance of the teacher's post because I honestly don't have an opinion on it. But the "just a teacher" attitude grates on me.

[Anonymous]

To the OP and all the other people who are trying to figure out the "secret" to private school acceptance, at the end of the day the best that you can do is to present your child and your family as you are. Let me ask you this if the schools were to up out a specific list of criteria that they want in students and families and you find the you did not match the list would you change your family just so that your child can go to that school?