Neighborhood friendships...why am I struggling with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have to change you to be treated well. Mean girl behavior and negative group bonding are about THEM.

If you are more introverted, maybe just wasn't the best fit.

Try to cultivate relationships with others when you are feeling up to it. Grief is hard. Very sorry for your loss.

Why are you posting this ridiculous response? OP never said they’re engaging in “mean girl” behaviors. Her two neighbors can connect without being meanAND OP can feel left out. Both things can be true at the same time. If you actually read OP’s post, she states that no one is doing anything to “aggressively exclude” her.

They certainly are not being KIND AND SUPPORTIVE when she just lost a SIBLING TO CANCER. You know, like friends a and neighbors might be friendly and neighborly and inclusive at a difficult time.

Uuuuh, where did you get the losing a sibling to cancer part from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have to change you to be treated well. Mean girl behavior and negative group bonding are about THEM.

If you are more introverted, maybe just wasn't the best fit.

Try to cultivate relationships with others when you are feeling up to it. Grief is hard. Very sorry for your loss.

Why are you posting this ridiculous response? OP never said they’re engaging in “mean girl” behaviors. Her two neighbors can connect without being meanAND OP can feel left out. Both things can be true at the same time. If you actually read OP’s post, she states that no one is doing anything to “aggressively exclude” her.

They certainly are not being KIND AND SUPPORTIVE when she just lost a SIBLING TO CANCER. You know, like friends a and neighbors might be friendly and neighborly and inclusive at a difficult time.

Okay I Just saw her update. Just because OP lost her sister to cancer means her friends aren't allowed to have social lives? Like, WTF is wrong with yOU?

[Anonymous]

If they invited you, knowing new neighbors personality, would you enjoy yourself? Would your dh like going over there at that frequency? Would you feel ok declining or feel like you should at least make an appearance? I have had the same feelings but different situation and hindsight and age have shown me that sometimes being left out is a blessing and you don't remember these "middle school like" feelings as much as the regret of something awkward or having to cut someone off because they are not safe (maybe they end up dragging you into some drama you don't want to be part, like divorce or fights with other friends or kid fights or bad influences). I am not saying don't have friends but if you are not included just see it as a load off your shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have to change you to be treated well. Mean girl behavior and negative group bonding are about THEM.

If you are more introverted, maybe just wasn't the best fit.

Try to cultivate relationships with others when you are feeling up to it. Grief is hard. Very sorry for your loss.

Thank you, grief sucks. They are allowed to form bonds and friendships without me and I haven't felt like I'm being aggressively excluded by mean girls, I just have a front row seat to their fun and amazing social life that doesn't include me. But you're right, I will work on cultivating other, positive relationships when I feel able. I have a lot to be grateful for and a number of true friends in my life, I will try to shift my focus.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you start inviting both couples to your home or other activities? Or tell your original neighbor friend that you feel left out and want to be included more. Remind her that your kids are suffering from being left out.

[Anonymous]

OP it kind of sounds like things are going well?? You have neighborhood friends and you’re friendly with the new neighbors but don’t want to be closer but hear their parties but don’t want to go to them? It kind of sounds like an above average situation to me. I’m not sure your expectations are reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they invited you, knowing new neighbors personality, would you enjoy yourself? Would your dh like going over there at that frequency? Would you feel ok declining or feel like you should at least make an appearance? I have had the same feelings but different situation and hindsight and age have shown me that sometimes being left out is a blessing and you don't remember these "middle school like" feelings as much as the regret of something awkward or having to cut someone off because they are not safe (maybe they end up dragging you into some drama you don't want to be part, like divorce or fights with other friends or kid fights or bad influences). I am not saying don't have friends but if you are not included just see it as a load off your shoulders.

OP here. These are fair questions. Honestly, I think that's part of what I've been struggling with and why this feels so ridiculous that I'm ruminating on this. If we were invited to all these outings/events, I don't think we'd actually enjoy the frequency and/or the company all that much. This is good perspective, thank you.

[Anonymous]

If you have neighbor friends you like and like to hang out with, hang out with them. Otherwise try not to worry about it

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel you. I feel excluded in my neighborhood where there is a clique of “cool moms”. The pool is about to ope and I have anxiety over sitting alone while they all socialize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you. I feel excluded in my neighborhood where there is a clique of “cool moms”. The pool is about to ope and I have anxiety over sitting alone while they all socialize.

Np. Same here on the soccer sidelines :/

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of this would be resolved if you got off Instagram or at the very least stopped following these neighbors. What’s upsetting you is seeing all the activities they’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Can you hear the music in your house with the windows closed, or only when you venture outside?

There was a lot of this going on over the pandemic, but now most of those people have moved the invite list outside of the neighborhood. It sounds like your local party house is still stuck being local.

What should happen over time is they will invite more and more people from outside the neighborhood, and the locals will get too busy to be showing up every week anyway. The situation will evolve, and if it does not, then you have a local mean girl mommy situation and I would just stay the heck away because, yes, she is doing it on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they invited you, knowing new neighbors personality, would you enjoy yourself? Would your dh like going over there at that frequency? Would you feel ok declining or feel like you should at least make an appearance? I have had the same feelings but different situation and hindsight and age have shown me that sometimes being left out is a blessing and you don't remember these "middle school like" feelings as much as the regret of something awkward or having to cut someone off because they are not safe (maybe they end up dragging you into some drama you don't want to be part, like divorce or fights with other friends or kid fights or bad influences). I am not saying don't have friends but if you are not included just see it as a load off your shoulders.

OP here. These are fair questions. Honestly, I think that's part of what I've been struggling with and why this feels so ridiculous that I'm ruminating on this. If we were invited to all these outings/events, I don't think we'd actually enjoy the frequency and/or the company all that much. This is good perspective, thank you.

Do you wear your introversion on your sleeve? I have friends who post memes about being introverted and make it into a big thing. If this is you, maybe the former friends don't invite you because they're worried you wouldn't actually enjoy it, which is sounds like you don't. I understand how you're feeling op, it sucks to be left out of things. I hope you can find a source of calm and move past this.