Teachers not liking you or your kid

[Anonymous]

I had a teacher tell me that she knew she was being unfair, but because she didn't like my older brother, she didn't like me.

I had no idea what to do with this information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is twice exceptional (high IQ with disabilities). All these years, he's had progressive teachers who understood that he had his place in advanced courses, and who were willing to follow his accommodations plan. But this year as a senior, he has an old school, strict AP Calc teacher hailing from an Asian country (we are Asian too) who is very annoyed at having him in his class. He tells off DS for not listening to his rapid-fire lecture, not following directions, etc, when these issues are part of his ADHD and one of his accommodation is to have content repeated to him. DS needs to skip lunch to go to his office hours, which doesn't help with his afternoon focus.

I tell DS he'll probably come across college profs or others just like this guy, and that he has an opportunity to advocate for himself and try to make do, but it's not pleasant.

I’m curious when you think this AP calc teacher is supposed to repeat all the content to your son if not during his office hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt like a teacher outright didn't like my kid. But they are never the favorite and I think sometimes teachers are frustrated that she can be a bit of a tough nut to crack -- she's slow to warm to new people and can be reluctant to try new things. She's not one of those kids who is just ready to go on Day One. In theory I think this makes her a rewarding kid to teach. She's very bright and responds really well to praise (I don't just mean that she likes praise, but that it's enormously motivating to her and when you offer regular praise, she'll really step up and give you her best effort and behavior).

But in a class full of kids, that's kind of high maintenance, and I think most teachers just gravitate to the kids who don't require that kind of work. It's fine -- she comes out of her shell eventually and gets alone well enough with teachers. But I do hope at some point she gets a teacher who just clicks with her and is willing to (and has at the bandwidth to) give her that little extra effort to see how truly great she can be. It doesn't have to be every year but I know it would be enormously formative for her. Maybe it will come in one of her extra-curriculars. We'll see.

I have a son who is like that and I know what you mean. I also work with school age kids and know firsthand how puzzling it can be when there is very little feedback. However I try and I make sure I praise each kid who comes my way - especially as they all deserve it, for one thing or other.
I have actually even spoken to my kid about this - he is a bit older, in 7th grade, so I think he is capable of understanding- how important it is to be likeable, or at least respectful, willing to do your best, appreciative, easy going etc. I told him he didn’t have to really feel it in him - just pretend his is like that (and then I am sure the fake it till you make it rule will kick in, but I don’t say that).
He did meet a few special coaches and teachers who really got him - I remember one coach in particular- and I am immensely grateful to them. I hope your DD meets that special teacher too.

[Anonymous]

My kid is a bit quirky and slow to warm up to people and can be shy to the point of doing awkward things because of it - so yeah traditional older teachers usually weren’t his fans. I tried to make up for it by being extra likeable and fulfilling every request and giving gift cards but I know at least one instance where it didn’t work and I had no idea he was sent to the office for minor infractions.
He is now in middle school and much more broken in in terms of school, keeps to himself, so this isn’t much of a problem anymore. From time to time a traditional teacher is surprised why he isn’t motivated enough in his class - I don’t know what to tell them except I will talk to him. I know he needs to put in his best effort but he is not an automaton and he works better for some teachers than others.
He has had a few teachers and coaches, usually male, who really got him and I was always grateful. But most often I think he is just one of many - no particular emotion toward him which is fine by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is twice exceptional (high IQ with disabilities). All these years, he's had progressive teachers who understood that he had his place in advanced courses, and who were willing to follow his accommodations plan. But this year as a senior, he has an old school, strict AP Calc teacher hailing from an Asian country (we are Asian too) who is very annoyed at having him in his class. He tells off DS for not listening to his rapid-fire lecture, not following directions, etc, when these issues are part of his ADHD and one of his accommodation is to have content repeated to him. DS needs to skip lunch to go to his office hours, which doesn't help with his afternoon focus.

I tell DS he'll probably come across college profs or others just like this guy, and that he has an opportunity to advocate for himself and try to make do, but it's not pleasant.

I’m curious when you think this AP calc teacher is supposed to repeat all the content to your son if not during his office hours.

I'm not criticizing him for that, just the part where he resents my son daily. It's been a slow cumulative stress that weighs down even more when he can't eat lunch. As a senior with an already stressful college admissions season, this has been a very difficult year. He cannot ask to switch teachers, there is no one else. He can't ask to change math class at this point, that was a decision he should have made sooner, but he did not anticipate it was going to be like this all year. Basically, he's learning a hard lesson.

[Anonymous]

I'll say this as gently as possible, but some kids are harder to like than others.

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher so I am very hesitant to be THAT parent because I know the repercussion for a child. Remember that you are not at school every day, your child is. Some teachers talk openly of their disdain for certain children but most don’t outwardly act on it. But, there is definitely a percentage that does. My feeling is that if you have a problem with the school, it’s rules, the teacher, etc. speak up once to see if it changes then make moves. If that means transferring teachers or schools mid-year then so be it. But never, never, never push the issue as it puts a target on your child’s back and you leave them to fend for themselves every day.

As an aside, a teacher who bullies or is mean to your child isn’t toughening your child to deal with difficulties in the future. That’s literally not how the human brain works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel like sometimes your child's teacher doesn't like your kid or you for some unknown reason? I try not to take things personally but sometimes when so many little things add up, you just wonder!

If the teacher doesn't like you or your kid, chances are, you, or they, earned that reputation due to behavior/actions with another teacher.

Just sayin

[Anonymous]

Teachers are human and sometimes they don’t like people

One teacher hated my youngest son, and during parent teacher conferences. I asked his other teachers if they were having a problem with them and they were like oh no, Mr. X is just a curmudgeon. We love having your child in our class.

People are imperfect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel like sometimes your child's teacher doesn't like your kid or you for some unknown reason? I try not to take things personally but sometimes when so many little things add up, you just wonder!

If the teacher doesn't like you or your kid, chances are, you, or they, earned that reputation due to behavior/actions with another teacher.

Just sayin

I disagree on this. Some teachers just don’t like certain kids because they’re human.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal to want people to like you. I mean, if you could choose between somebody liking you and somebody disliking you, I think most people would prefer they like you (unless we are talking about a terrible person liking you).

But not everybody is going to be for everyone. I don’t like everyone either. It’s good for kids to navigate the challenge of not being favored. Teachers shouldn’t be unkind, but you have to just roll with the punches. Same for teachers who are harsh graders or who have bizarre demands (one of my teachers would throw papers in the trash a student didn’t put dots after the numbers in a list). That’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is twice exceptional (high IQ with disabilities). All these years, he's had progressive teachers who understood that he had his place in advanced courses, and who were willing to follow his accommodations plan. But this year as a senior, he has an old school, strict AP Calc teacher hailing from an Asian country (we are Asian too) who is very annoyed at having him in his class. He tells off DS for not listening to his rapid-fire lecture, not following directions, etc, when these issues are part of his ADHD and one of his accommodation is to have content repeated to him. DS needs to skip lunch to go to his office hours, which doesn't help with his afternoon focus.

I tell DS he'll probably come across college profs or others just like this guy, and that he has an opportunity to advocate for himself and try to make do, but it's not pleasant.

I’m curious when you think this AP calc teacher is supposed to repeat all the content to your son if not during his office hours.

I'm not criticizing him for that, just the part where he resents my son daily. It's been a slow cumulative stress that weighs down even more when he can't eat lunch. As a senior with an already stressful college admissions season, this has been a very difficult year. He cannot ask to switch teachers, there is no one else. He can't ask to change math class at this point, that was a decision he should have made sooner, but he did not anticipate it was going to be like this all year. Basically, he's learning a hard lesson.

I would resent a student who I had to reteach every single lesson to during my lunch/prep hours too. I think the failure here was administrative though - there’s no way that expecting an AP calc teacher to reteach every lesson to one student should have been accepted as a “reasonable” accommodation. There’s nothing reasonable about it. Someone with special needs that intensive shouldn’t have been allowed to enroll in an AP calc class.

[Anonymous]

We had that situation (unfortunately in 1st.)
We had the teacher that everyone stops talking about once they find out we have her.
She's an old school yelled and when DD meets someone like that she just freezes (I'm thinking I would too.) So somehow DD got a rep for being unable to follow directions/lazy. Her K and 2rd grade teacher would have been shocked to hear this. It clouded how the rest of the class thought of her. I wish I could go back in time and take her out.

What did she think of us? She probably thought we were fools who wouldn't give her any trouble.

[Anonymous]

*yeller

[Anonymous]

We have proactively requested that our child not have a specific teacher in middle school. DH has a role in his company that requires him to terminate employees when they do not perform their jobs. He terminated an employee for cause and then a month later we got teacher assignments for the year and our child was assigned to the employee's son. Based on Facebook posts (we were not looking for these but the teacher is Facebook friends with school parents that I am also friends with) we anticipated that the teacher might have a hard time separating areas in his life. Teachers are human and will not like everyone. They should be neutral to students but once again they are human.