Do you regret marrying someone with a history of depression?

[Anonymous]

Anyone who has married someone with an ongoing health problem has regrets sometimes. It's hard and expensive.

[Anonymous]

I regret it. My ex has always suffered from depression. For about 20 years, she was able to manage it with therapy and medication, but it all came crashing down in her late 40s. Not sure if it was physical changes or the anxiety of our kids growing up, but she spiraled. I became the object of her ire and so she left the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no issue with being married to someone with depression.

I have a big issue with being married to someone who won't treat their depression, who denies they have depression, who treats me poorly because they have depression.

If someone is actively working on it then I can live with it.

+1. I am married to someone who refuses to treat or acknowledge their depression and anxiety. It is tough to deal with.

[Anonymous]

I literally don’t get out of anything if I am depressed- my family still expects the same of me. I always wish that was an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My past depression made me totally unmarryable and even undateable.

I don’t suffer from it now, but that is probably because I live a very low-stress life by design. I’m still single in my 40s. I’m financially successful and would love to have sex again, but I have a strong suspicion that throwing additional responsibilities and stress on top of my work duties would probably send me spiraling. I actually have no idea how most people work, perform all the mundane tasks of life, maintain a marriage, and still retain their mental health.

What financially successful career has allowed you to manage your depression? Real question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My past depression made me totally unmarryable and even undateable.

I don’t suffer from it now, but that is probably because I live a very low-stress life by design. I’m still single in my 40s. I’m financially successful and would love to have sex again, but I have a strong suspicion that throwing additional responsibilities and stress on top of my work duties would probably send me spiraling. I actually have no idea how most people work, perform all the mundane tasks of life, maintain a marriage, and still retain their mental health.

What financially successful career has allowed you to manage your depression? Real question!

Business owner. Don’t want to get more specific than that to avoid outing myself, but it began as just a small side thing because I didn’t feel that I could hold down a job. (In college, I was put on academic probation because I couldn’t get out of bed, though in high school I got a 1550 on the SATs.)

I just slowly built up the business over time when I felt better. There are some natural economic advantages to being a business owner instead of an employee, so last year I made around $190K. If you have no dependents or other obligations, you can sock away a lot of money on that income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband of 20 years does.

I think my husband of 30 years *should* regret it, but he doesn't. He's a stronger person than I.

[Anonymous]

Depression makes people very self-focused. Their world becomes so small that it only holds themselves and their sadness. It is very difficult to be married with children to someone who cannot see beyond the limits of their sorrow. This is why it is imperative to seek treatment for it. If you would get aggressive chemo for cancer, you should get aggressive treatment for mental illnesses.

[Anonymous]

No, never. We both have our things going on.

[Anonymous]

No, not ever, he’s amazing. I just feel sad for him when I see him feeling down and there’s little I can do to help. His depression is treated/managed; he has had a few things happen in his childhood and 20s that would have me probably in a mental institution for good. I think he is mentally strong beyond words.

Sometimes I see these type A, optimistic guys with a ton of energy, and I wonder what if, but then I get home and realize my husband is such an incredible human, dad, and husband that I thank my lucky stars I met him.