Do you regret marrying someone with a history of depression?

[Anonymous]

My husband of 20 years does.

[Anonymous]

He has a history or he regrets marrying you? I don’t regret marrying my DH at all. He’s a great DH and dad, and he checks in with me a lot when he’s going through a rough period to make sure he’s not making my life worse. He also does everything he can to stay mentally healthy, which shows he cares.

[Anonymous]

It's not the depression, it's the ADHD. My DH and I have been married for 25+ years. Overall, it's been a good marriage and we love each other very much. Depression has had a huge impact on our relationship, including nearly causing us to divorce after an extended period of major depression that he refused to treat. But, even bigger than that, ADHD has had a far more negative impact on our relationship and financial stability.

I don't regret marrying my DH but I'm hoping that when our kids are grown and living independently that I won't have to carry so much of the mental and financial load. I hope that, at that point, there will, again, be an ease in our relationship. I love DH very much but love is not enough to sustain a relationship for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

I regret not being able to keep the relationship going despite her condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has a history or he regrets marrying you? I don’t regret marrying my DH at all. He’s a great DH and dad, and he checks in with me a lot when he’s going through a rough period to make sure he’s not making my life worse. He also does everything he can to stay mentally healthy, which shows he cares.

This is how I feel. My husband has worked really hard to be a great dad. One of ours kids has depressive tendencies, and it is hard in that regard. But most people have SOMETHING.

[Anonymous]

No BUT he's good about getting help when needed. He's been in therapy on and off and meds on and off and he has good awareness of when it's needed. He has a family history too. And now my daughter has signs of it, so that's been hard. But we have also been doing what we need to for her.

[Anonymous]

My past depression made me totally unmarryable and even undateable.

I don’t suffer from it now, but that is probably because I live a very low-stress life by design. I’m still single in my 40s. I’m financially successful and would love to have sex again, but I have a strong suspicion that throwing additional responsibilities and stress on top of my work duties would probably send me spiraling. I actually have no idea how most people work, perform all the mundane tasks of life, maintain a marriage, and still retain their mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My past depression made me totally unmarryable and even undateable.

I don’t suffer from it now, but that is probably because I live a very low-stress life by design. I’m still single in my 40s. I’m financially successful and would love to have sex again, but I have a strong suspicion that throwing additional responsibilities and stress on top of my work duties would probably send me spiraling. I actually have no idea how most people work, perform all the mundane tasks of life, maintain a marriage, and still retain their mental health.

I think our lifestyle has a lot to do with depression. Good for you for recognizing your need for a low-stress life and becoming mentally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, yes I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband of 20 years does.

My wife of 19 years does and hasn't worked for 16 years.
Absolutely regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has a history or he regrets marrying you? I don’t regret marrying my DH at all. He’s a great DH and dad, and he checks in with me a lot when he’s going through a rough period to make sure he’s not making my life worse. He also does everything he can to stay mentally healthy, which shows he cares.

This is how I feel. My husband has worked really hard to be a great dad. One of ours kids has depressive tendencies, and it is hard in that regard. But most people have SOMETHING.

Really? Not by age 30 necessarily. By age 50 maybe.

[Anonymous]

I have no issue with being married to someone with depression.

I have a big issue with being married to someone who won't treat their depression, who denies they have depression, who treats me poorly because they have depression.

If someone is actively working on it then I can live with it.

[Anonymous]

I think my husband used to. I told him that if I wasn't what he needed in a partner, he should get a divorce. I would totally understand. After he considered that he really backed off on his criticism, and lo and behold, I became much less depressed and much more functional. He also went to therapy and had to confront the fact that he had his own issues that I had been dealing with, and it wasn't fair for him to expect me to work hard on myself to be a better partner when he wasn't doing the same.

It's such a bummer that someone who struggles with a depressed partner can make the depression worse if they don't handle the depression well. Marriage is hard.

[Anonymous]

To me life is easy. Even with its problems. I've always been more of a Tigger than an Eeyore. I think I make depressed people more depressed because I don't feel it as much.

[Anonymous]

I regret marrying a man with high-functioning autism.
I don't regret my children, even though one of them has HFA as well, and this would likely not have happened if I'd married someone without HFA.

I think it's legitimate for anyone with a chronically ill spouse that affect their happiness to have regrets, OP. It does not mean they will divorce that spouse. It means they have extra work to do on themselves to find happiness in their lives. It's really hard.