Help me qualify this situation

[Anonymous]

My mother needed to move to assisted living a couple of years ago. It took a realtor knocking on her door with a hard offer in hand that more than covered the cost to get her to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother needed to move to assisted living a couple of years ago. It took a realtor knocking on her door with a hard offer in hand that more than covered the cost to get her to move.

Wow

[Anonymous]

Many of you have not embraced the reality that you are now the competent adult in the room. Roles have reversed. Your parent may now be child-like and stubborn.

You won't always be able to keep them happy or keep them happy with you but their safety is a primary concern.

[Anonymous]

The issue is this: putting aside your dad’s dementia for a moment, what happens if your dad is hospitalized? There needs to be a backup plan in place, because it sounds like your mom needs total care (can she transfer to a chair? Bed? Toilet? Or is your dad doing that for her? How is she bathing? Who is preparing meals?). If your dad is suddenly unable to care for your mom, then someone will need to move in with her, or she will need immediate placement in an assisted living or nursing home. They are literally one fall away from this scenario.

I woukd talk to them about a backup plan; explain to your dad that this is to protect your mom, not decrease their independence.

Regarding your dad’s dementia, it sounds like he still has capacity to make his own decisions, but do they have a POA of person and property? That should definitely be pit in place asap.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. This is such a hard situation. I think you definitely need to look into assisted living closer to their doctors offices. And of course this will be on you and you can't expect them to make decisions and actually do the legwork to make it happen.

Can you start giving them options like we do for toddlers to give the illusion of being in power? "Would you rather let the cleaners come once a week (so neither of your get sepsis from living in this filth or trip and break a hip), or would you rather move into this new condo (ahem, assisted living) where things are taken care of for you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. This is such a hard situation. I think you definitely need to look into assisted living closer to their doctors offices. And of course this will be on you and you can't expect them to make decisions and actually do the legwork to make it happen.

Can you start giving them options like we do for toddlers to give the illusion of being in power? "Would you rather let the cleaners come once a week (so neither of your get sepsis from living in this filth or trip and break a hip), or would you rather move into this new condo (ahem, assisted living) where things are taken care of for you?"

This is such great advice.

[Anonymous]

Hire a housekeeper every two weeks. Far cheaper than moving them. And, take away the car keys and help arrange food delivery/transportation. That is dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire a housekeeper every two weeks. Far cheaper than moving them. And, take away the car keys and help arrange food delivery/transportation. That is dangerous.

Hired housekeeper and they let them go. Twice.

[Anonymous]

Hired through an Agency, it is made clear, they work for you. YOU pay them. They are not let go by anyone other than you.

[Anonymous]

short of your parents chasing them out of the house (which I have heard happening)