Agree or disagree: having kids forces you to grow up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering the number of threads there are here about parents (probably more-so dads) who don't step up/do enough/keep acting exactly like they did before kids...I'd say disagree.

This. I think you grow as a parent, yes. Growing and bending and learning is what makes the best parents. But if you haven’t grown up BEFORE kids, then there is no guarantee you will ever. And most likely you’ll resent your kids and be a marginal to bad parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother never grew up (had me at 20) and in many ways I acted at her parent while growing up. So, no.

+1, my parents were really young when they had us and same -- they were very emotionally stunted and then leaned on us to play parental roles in their lives. I had to deal with all that before I became a parent, too, or I probably would have just continued the pattern. I think this is really common.

Yeah, look at all the Mormon Mommy Bloggers for examples of this. I've never seen a more stunted bunch. Emotionally like 13 years old but 25 with 4 kids. They also.routinely do things that would be considered really dangerous with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t directly related to the question, but one thing that is sad is that you sort of have to practice on your first child. So often the first child is a “victim” (can’t think of a less dramatic word right now) of your immaturity. I was totally devoted to being the best mom I could be, but before I became a mom i just wasn’t as patient and calm as I should have been. I learned, but only because I saw the negative impacts of my actions on my first child. So it’s sad for kids who are making their parents grow up, if that makes sense.

Ehh, on the flip side, firstborn children get undivided attention and resources that subsequent children do not. This is good and bad.

My DH and I are both firstborns and we are generally more resilient than our younger siblings.

[Anonymous]

It should. But sometimes it doesn’t, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

My MIL never grew up. Her kids were her playmates and best friends, now the grandkids take over that role.

[Anonymous]

All my cousins were parentified at a younger age, one ended up essentially raising her two younger brothers because neither of her parents stepped up to the task.

Having kids may make some people step up and mature and learn, but others stay stuck at a more immature age and never progress.

[Anonymous]

It should, but it doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Much better to grow up before you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Disagree. Kids have nothing to do with it. You are either responsible or not.

[Anonymous]

Yes in general “normal” population. Those that have mental illness well no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. Kids have nothing to do with it. You are either responsible or not.

I agree with you but for a small portion of people. Some need that extra responsibility to stop being self absorbed douche bags.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. Kids have nothing to do with it. You are either responsible or not.

Agree. I don’t feel any more grown up than before. I still had a steady job, mortgage, responsibilities outside work.

[Anonymous]

Disagree. I’ve always felt mature and grown up. Dh and I had our ducks in a row. We were together 10 years before children.

[Anonymous]

I think that having children makes some people become more mature, but not all. Some people will mature regardless, while others never really grow out of being self-centered. I got married at 19 and had four kids by 26 but I was mature and never their 'friend'. We're still married and have good relationships with our now-adult children. I've seen others who aren't mature parents even though they started in their 30s. Some people find it too difficult to let go of their party days, while some of us never engaged in partying to begin with.