Anyone else a but sad that your kid is an introvert?

[Anonymous]

I think it's okay to tell her that you are doing things like going apple picking, to the park, etc., as long as you set expectations around whether she has to talk to the other kids or not. Would you be okay with her coming along but keeping to herself?

[Anonymous]

I think you should make friends with adults separate from your child's friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...my child is an introvert and I would tell him (for example) we're going apple picking with friends. I think it's okay to do that within reason and being respectful of their needs to have down time.

And to expand on this thought. You are the adult and she is the child. You can take a ski trip with friends and make sure she has her own room to retreat to and you fully support her in doing this. It's really okay if your preferences are sometimes taken into consideration or even win out.

+1. I'm an introvert who has an extrovert mom. She didn't understand me at all! In hindsight it would have been easier if she had planned things like this to help me socialize or get me out of my comfort zone. Instead she would put it all on me to make social interactions happen and then give me a hard time when I didn't want to. e.g., there was one time she dropped me off me at a church youth group softball game where I not only didn't know anyone, I had never even played softball! I was in middle school and mortified and just wanted to go home to read a book. But that was something she would have just jumped into and could not understand why I didn't have the same reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make friends with adults separate from your child's friendships.

^^ +100

Change your social life focus to friendships with adults that aren't based on doing things with kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm an extrovert but two of my children are introverts. When they were younger, it made me a little sad -they didn't have huge gangs of friends and were happy just hanging at home. As they got older, they made friends and they both have good friend groups now - in high school and college. The advantage? They made good friends and they weren't worried about being cool so we avoided a lot of the toxic social behavior. They still are quieter then their friends - do less activities - but they are happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make friends with adults separate from your child's friendships.

^^ +100

Change your social life focus to friendships with adults that aren't based on doing things with kids.

Yes...while I think a lot of folks have chimed in with good points, my first thought was..."have your husband watch your kids solo a few times a month and go to drinks with your friends."

[Anonymous]

Opposite over here. I am mostly introverted and my kids are both INSANELY extroverted and it's so mentally/emotionally exhausting for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extrovert and my kid is very much an introvert. She prefers to play alone at recess, doesn’t love play dates, prefers not to vacation with other families, etc. she’s a great kid and plays well with others on the occasions that she does socialize, but she’d rather be reading. I know it’s selfish, but it really does limit my social opportunities too (e.g. she has no desire to go on a neighborhood ski trip or meet up with friends at a park). We are in the phase of life in which our friends often want to socialize with kids—hiking, apple picking, skiing, etc. Of course, we still sometimes see friends for dinners out without kids, but her lack of desire to hang with other families means that most weekend days don’t include any socializing for me.

I love my kid for who she is and I don’t put a ton of pressure on her to socialize more than she desires….but it’s a bummer for me. Can anyone else relate?

NO, I'm an introvert and I'm been dying because my DD is an extrovert. It has put me in so many awkward situations in people's homes during play dates, terrifying anxiety, guilt beyond my years. So sorry, No. lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extrovert and my kid is very much an introvert. She prefers to play alone at recess, doesn’t love play dates, prefers not to vacation with other families, etc. she’s a great kid and plays well with others on the occasions that she does socialize, but she’d rather be reading. I know it’s selfish, but it really does limit my social opportunities too (e.g. she has no desire to go on a neighborhood ski trip or meet up with friends at a park). We are in the phase of life in which our friends often want to socialize with kids—hiking, apple picking, skiing, etc. Of course, we still sometimes see friends for dinners out without kids, but her lack of desire to hang with other families means that most weekend days don’t include any socializing for me.

I love my kid for who she is and I don’t put a ton of pressure on her to socialize more than she desires….but it’s a bummer for me. Can anyone else relate?

NO, I'm an introvert and I'm been dying because my DD is an extrovert. It has put me in so many awkward situations in people's homes during play dates, terrifying anxiety, guilt beyond my years. So sorry, No. lol.

So exhausting, so draining.

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert who was shy and considered myself socially awkward as a kid, which i thought of at the time as a personality weakness bhut now see clearly was social anxiety. Sometimes I worry when my older kid shows less social tendencies (not introversion but inflexibility, e.g. not being willing to play with a group instead of one on one or being very insistent that it's his way or no way, and generally nerdy and less common interests among boys his age). I don't want him to have the same challenges I did.

But I'm a functional adult who's developed a lot of self knowledge and social skills, even if my younger years could have been easier, so I try to remind myself that my kid is still growing and neither of us is "inferior" for being who we are.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever read one single book on being an introvert, OP? Your attitude is pretty disgusting. You should be curious about your kid, you should want to know more about your kid and what works and doesn’t work for her, and support her in who she is.

Here’s what: the day will dawn when she figures out that she succeeded in life in spite of your pushing, not because of it. Stop asking introverts “what’s wronnnnnnggggg” when they are quiet; ask yourself why you won’t STFU. What’s wrong with you that you won’t shut up? How about that.

[Anonymous]

I would agree with PP in it may be helpful to read some books on introverted children, OP. Susan Cain has a book called Quiet Power, her book Quiet was so integral to me understanding myself. There's also a book called The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child.

I think it's fine to plan social activities, just be sensitive to your child having down time before or after. And I'd recommend always offering an end time...the worst is being at something and not knowing when it will end or when one can leave. I'm usually fine being social if I know I'm going home in three hours, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make friends with adults separate from your child's friendships.

+1

[Anonymous]

Please read the boom “Quiet”. Being introverted is not a problem. Different people are different and it all is fine.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted upthread, and I don’t mean this to sound as snarky as it will, but if you’re such an extrovert, why are you not meeting your own needs for socialization?