Anyone else a but sad that your kid is an introvert?

[Anonymous]

I’m an extrovert and my kid is very much an introvert. She prefers to play alone at recess, doesn’t love play dates, prefers not to vacation with other families, etc. she’s a great kid and plays well with others on the occasions that she does socialize, but she’d rather be reading. I know it’s selfish, but it really does limit my social opportunities too (e.g. she has no desire to go on a neighborhood ski trip or meet up with friends at a park). We are in the phase of life in which our friends often want to socialize with kids—hiking, apple picking, skiing, etc. Of course, we still sometimes see friends for dinners out without kids, but her lack of desire to hang with other families means that most weekend days don’t include any socializing for me.

I love my kid for who she is and I don’t put a ton of pressure on her to socialize more than she desires….but it’s a bummer for me. Can anyone else relate?

[Anonymous]

I can't relate exactly bc my kid is an extrovert like me, but my husband is not. I wish he was more into outings with other families, etc. So I can imagine I'd be a little bummed if my DD was more like him in that regard! That said, as kids get older they are more independent anyway, and the era of real multi-family outings often tapers (kids don't always get along or want to hang with a family friend). You'll have more opportunities to do your own thing with other people.

[Anonymous]

No, because I'm an introvert myself. My daughter is the same.

However, my son is high-functioning autistic and that's beyond being introverted - it materially impacts his ability to create and maintain relationships. He has NO friends, and no desire to have any. This is very different from simple introversion, that you can snap out of to interact with people when you want to, or have to.

[Anonymous]

Hmm...my child is an introvert and I would tell him (for example) we're going apple picking with friends. I think it's okay to do that within reason and being respectful of their needs to have down time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...my child is an introvert and I would tell him (for example) we're going apple picking with friends. I think it's okay to do that within reason and being respectful of their needs to have down time.

And to expand on this thought. You are the adult and she is the child. You can take a ski trip with friends and make sure she has her own room to retreat to and you fully support her in doing this. It's really okay if your preferences are sometimes taken into consideration or even win out.

[Anonymous]

I think you should still push your kid to do some activities. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're a recluse, it just means you need alone time to recharge. So she can go on an activity and then have time to herself the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...my child is an introvert and I would tell him (for example) we're going apple picking with friends. I think it's okay to do that within reason and being respectful of their needs to have down time.

And to expand on this thought. You are the adult and she is the child. You can take a ski trip with friends and make sure she has her own room to retreat to and you fully support her in doing this. It's really okay if your preferences are sometimes taken into consideration or even win out.

+1 I'm an introvert, and DH is even more so, so traveling with friends is not something we ever do but other activities with friends we definitely do but being mindful of everyone's limits. In fact, as introverts who had difficulties socializing when we were little, we really prioritized making time for friends and encouraging playdates for our kids (we have a 2nd child who is very much an extrovert). We do go on a big trip with my parents and siblings every summer and look for a house where DD (now a teen) can have her own space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should still push your kid to do some activities. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're a recluse, it just means you need alone time to recharge. So she can go on an activity and then have time to herself the next day.

This! I'm an introvert, and it would be awful to think that my mother was sad about that. I was expected to participate in family activities, but my parents also respected that I liked to read or play by myself and needed time to do that. Being an introvert doesn't mean you can't socialize, or that you can't have a good time with other people. I have a great time at parties - and then I go home and recharge with a book or something.

[Anonymous]

I can kind of relate but my situation was the opposite. I'm pretty extroverted but my parents were introverts. I think I would have had a very different childhood if they were more extroverted.

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert parenting an extrovert, and its really not that hard to be respectful of needs. As PP said, being an introvert, doesn't mean someone is a recluse. I enjoy hanging out with people and then I enjoy being alone afterwards. Also, if I'm my closest friends where I don't have to be "on," i could hang out all day without the typical need to recharge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert parenting an extrovert, and its really not that hard to be respectful of needs. As PP said, being an introvert, doesn't mean someone is a recluse. I enjoy hanging out with people and then I enjoy being alone afterwards. Also, if I'm my closest friends where I don't have to be "on," i could hang out all day without the typical need to recharge.

+1 I work hard to make sure DC has the social opportunities she craves. I am moderately introverted but DS and DH are extreme introverts, which does make the family dynamic a little challenging at times though. We do the best we can for DD, but it can be tough to make everyone happy.

[Anonymous]

^ ^ I worry a lot about DS forming and maintaining meaningful relationships, just try to gently encourage him and hope for the best. I've learned I can't force him to socialize with other families, he just shuts down.

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel OP. I'm actually introverted as well but I live in a family of even more introverted people. Introvert doesn't mean purposefully being alone all the time though and that's not healthy for the world we live in. Like another poster, I'll just inform the kids that we're doing whatever with another family, or we'll be at an event until a certain time (I try to make myself useful so we have an excuse to stay).

We compromise in that I try to set events with people they like versus my friends. And I give them large blocks of time off on the weekends.

One thing I learned is they actually like the trips with other families. If you can coincidentally arrange to be in the same hotel and area (that's what happened to us, true coincidence, beach resort), the kids had a great time.

[Anonymous]

Introverted doesn’t always mean antisocial. Not wanting to go on a hectic ski trip doesn’t mean she might not enjoy other activities in smaller, more intimate venues. Interesting classes, time at the library, going to the symphony or plays, poking around interesting bookstores or places.

If you need time to socialize, you need to find a way to do that without making your daughter an extension of you. Host people in your home more often. Sign her up for a day camp and then go do something social for yourself. Meet YOUR friends and the park and let her snuggle alone with a book and a picnic under a tree.

[Anonymous]

I had an extroverted female co-worker with an introvert daughter, and I think she felt similarly. She still threw herself into the mix of neighborhood moms by being part of the PTA, moms night out, etc.

I’m a moderate introvert with an extroverted kid who has a hard time not socializing on weekdays so I play a lot of board and video games with them!