Git into a huge fight with brother's date at a wedding and ruined dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mind your manners and your mouth. Time and place.

+1
OP owes the bride and groom an apology

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - for those suggesting I should have gotten up, I could not. I don't want to try to describe it all, but this was a fairly small gathering, in an intimate location, part of a multi-day celebration, and there was no possible way to politely get up for anything at all. So my question is, what do you do when you can't walk away? Because obviously I would have done that much earlier if I could have. I was stuck there for over an hour, and if the argument hadn't happened, then I think it would have been much longer.

You can't get up because of sacred rituals but the date can blah blah blah about something you found offensive during said sacred time? Yeah, sure. This is a lame hypothetical. You aren't all chained to your chairs.

[Anonymous]

OP keeps coming up with excuses for justifying their rude behavior.

I'm guessing the "white supremacist" woman was just stating numbers like how race X is disproportionally represented in crime, or achievement, or whatever. Those numbers are likely true. It just ignores the economic layer of it -- the correlation in most of those areas is tied to economic status, not race. It just so happens that due to circumstances, certain races are overrepresented in certain economic levels (low or high).

[Anonymous]

You were in the wrong for escalating things. I would have said something along the lines of ‘I disagree with you, but let’s not talk politics at my cousin’s wedding.’ And then change the subject. And if she continues to bring it up, I would engage someone else in an unrelated conversation. And then I would have talked to my kids later about how you didn’t agree with her and it’s wrong to be racist, but it is incredibly rude to get into an argument.

So YOU couldn’t stand up and walk away, but you made things so uncomfortable that others were able to get up and walk away? Sure.

[Anonymous]

You should have just tried to change the conversation or turned attention on someone else. Basically completely ignoring her. Obviously she’s wrong and she’s terrible, etc but a small, intimate wedding is not the place to get into a conversation/argument w someone like that. You’re not going to change her mind. The best thing to have done would’ve been to just start talking about something completely different and get others (your DH, your kids, anyone else at the table) to join in your topic of conversation so she has no forum for her hate.

[Anonymous]

Change the topic. Start a conversation with someone else. Don't escalate things in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should join Twitter OP since you took the bait. Obviously start new convo, do not engage. Definitely do not tell someone they're a racist quietly and "politely" at an intimate wedding. You need to apologize for your manners to bride and groom. Are you seriously confused as to how you didn't play a role in this unpleasantness?

[Anonymous]

How is it that others left the table but OP could not?

OP, are you familiar with the saying, "You don't need to swing at every pitch?" You owe the bride and groom an apology for your part in causing a disruption at their wedding.

It sure will be interesting if your brother marries her, huh?

Don't be so easily baited, OP.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to pile on, OP, but you were in the wrong to engage. You needed to disengage, talk to someone else, turn your back, etc. It wasn't the time or place to get involved in a debate. This was someone's wedding. Clearly the rest of the wedding participants agree with DCUM. You owe the wedding couple an apology.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it perfectly! From your description, nothing seems wrong with what you said. I doubt the bride cares! Bigger things to think about on her wedding night!

[Anonymous]

"I couldn't disagree with you more. Let's change the topic. I'm leaving for the powder room and would love this line of conversation to be over when I return"

[Anonymous]

OP I don’t believe you because there’s no food ritual where you can’t politely excuse yourself for a moment, but someone’s date can be carrying on a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has your brother said about all of this?

My brother said something like, he tried to warn her ahead of time not to bring that stuff up because his sister is a brainwashed sheeple and it will only cause problems. So I guess in a way he's on my side?

Wait, your brother told her not to bring something up because you are brainwashed? And then you thought it was better to call someone a racist at a wedding dinner, rather than get up and walk away? I’m thinking this is not an accurate portrayal of what happened…

[Anonymous]

So many cowards posting. You don’t have to politely agree with a racist because of your location. SHE was wrong to start such an incendiary conversation and essentially hold the table hostage to her views.

Good for you for having a backbone, and shame on posters piling on you. This entrenched willingness to turn a blind eye to racism is why racism/white supremacy continue apace in the US.

[Anonymous]

Even your own husband is telling you that you handled this poorly.