Guy rejected me, now he’s interested?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was not attracted to you when you were fat and insecure, and now maybe he is attracted to you when you are thin and confident. What a monster!

Maybe not a monster, but shallow af. It’s not like OP is a different person inside, she’s the same—and so is this guy, and I’d rather be fixable outside than permanently ugly inside, just saying.

If she was insecure before and confident now, she was different on the inside. And that isn’t being shallow it is personal preference. And people are allowed to have those.
I can’t stand to be around insecure people, especially mean spiteful judgmental ones which OP most certainly is. “He thinks he’s a god”; “superior way of messing with me”. Girl you got some growing to do.

[Anonymous]

He just wants to hook up. He probably doesn't realize you're the same person. He's paying THAT much attention.

[Anonymous]

He is flirting, he is not “interested” in you. Lordy, grow up OP.

[Anonymous]

I would be neutral, friendly but distant. So if he says hi I say hi back courteously. But if I see him out of the corner of my eye I don’t go out of my way to say hi. The same way I would treat anyone who was expressing interest in me but whom I did not have interest in befriending or going out with.

[Anonymous]

OMG please stop worrying about what random men think of you. That is the first step in having hot girl energy. Smile and nod and find a man somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

OP - how old are you and what’s your dating / relationship experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I belong to a community-type gym. Everyone helps and encourages, we all work out at the same times, and I’ve been going for nearly a year. I was depressed and pretty overweight when I started, lacking confidence. Like I said, it’s a community. But there is one guy who gives me the cold shoulder. He thinks he’s a god and openly flirts with all the other women. I really let it bother me in the beginning, when I wasn’t feeling confident. I think he knew this and it was his superior way of messing with me.

I’ve been consistently losing weight, but within the last three months I’ve really changed a lot! I’m feeling super confident and pretty, and it’s showing. Now all of a sudden this guy wants my attention. I’m feeling so angry and spiteful! A typical case of ‘you didn’t want me at my worst so you don’t deserve me at me best’. Part of me wants to act like he did when I was trying to be kind, like everyone else, and he chose to blatantly ignore me. But I’m bigger than that.

How would you handle this?

I have no idea the full explanation/reasoning here but offering the following. While it is definitely a part, not all attraction is physical. You state that your attitude, confidence etc. has changed, perhaps he is really just now noticing you more and he finds the 'new you' more attractive as a whole. Haven't you ever known someone that at first wasn't all that but in time you found yourself becoming more attracted to them?

That said, it is possible he is a jerk and looking for a hookup as some have speculated.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing to "handle."

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give him the time of day, but would we choose anyone at their worst? Let's be real about it. The weight you've lost has been a major confidence boost for you and I'm sure it shows. That's attractive. You've lost weight which makes you more physically attractive. I don't think it's worth getting all in a huff about. Most people aren't checking out people who are overweight with insecurity issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give him the time of day, but would we choose anyone at their worst? Let's be real about it. The weight you've lost has been a major confidence boost for you and I'm sure it shows. That's attractive. You've lost weight which makes you more physically attractive. I don't think it's worth getting all in a huff about. Most people aren't checking out people who are overweight with insecurity issues.

It’s not that he wasn’t checking her out before, but avoiding even civil niceties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost some weight and changed my profile pictures. Now a lot of women who rejected me before have become interested. Women care too. I take it as a positive sign.

I agree. I don't know why we are supposed to care about stranger's inner lives and kindness and goodness when honestly the way men and women get interested, at least initally, is by looking at somebody.

He might not even recognize you as the same person (because he wasn't looking at you before).

Women do care. Men do care. It isn't shallow unless that is what they base entire relationships on. I actually think it is important.

[Anonymous]

He has an opening in his rotation now.

[Anonymous]

People are like that. Have been there. You can be cordial or not. He merits not much consideration from you.

I would say one thing, though he might not do well with new people and not be just an ass. If youre a benefit of the doubt kind of person. I’m not. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are like that. Have been there. You can be cordial or not. He merits not much consideration from you.

I would say one thing, though he might not do well with new people and not be just an ass. If youre a benefit of the doubt kind of person. I’m not. 😂

Also, you were not at your worst. You were a beginner at that particular gym ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was not attracted to you when you were fat and insecure, and now maybe he is attracted to you when you are thin and confident. What a monster!

Maybe not a monster, but shallow af. It’s not like OP is a different person inside, she’s the same—and so is this guy, and I’d rather be fixable outside than permanently ugly inside, just saying.

No, she’s not the same person inside, even by her own account. She now feels prettier and is more confident and flirty. People respond to those things, they don’t respond to sullen and self conscious. It could be that he’s a little shy, as outgoing as he seems, and doesn’t feel confident going up to people who don’t seem to want to banter.