Guy rejected me, now he’s interested?

[Anonymous]

I belong to a community-type gym. Everyone helps and encourages, we all work out at the same times, and I’ve been going for nearly a year. I was depressed and pretty overweight when I started, lacking confidence. Like I said, it’s a community. But there is one guy who gives me the cold shoulder. He thinks he’s a god and openly flirts with all the other women. I really let it bother me in the beginning, when I wasn’t feeling confident. I think he knew this and it was his superior way of messing with me.

I’ve been consistently losing weight, but within the last three months I’ve really changed a lot! I’m feeling super confident and pretty, and it’s showing. Now all of a sudden this guy wants my attention. I’m feeling so angry and spiteful! A typical case of ‘you didn’t want me at my worst so you don’t deserve me at me best’. Part of me wants to act like he did when I was trying to be kind, like everyone else, and he chose to blatantly ignore me. But I’m bigger than that.

How would you handle this?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be interested in a romantic relationship with him but I wouldn't make it a problem at the gym either. Be distant and polite.

[Anonymous]

Non-issue. Distant and polite like the previous posted said.

[Anonymous]

OP - only you can decide, but do you think he is being more flirty with you because YOU are now open to being flirty because YOU are feeling better and more confident? Or have you been vibing with other dudes from the beginning of your time there even though you were depressed and lacking confidence?

[Anonymous]

How did he reject you? Did you ask him out or make another clear move that he rebuffed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did he reject you? Did you ask him out or make another clear move that he rebuffed?

Nothing romantic, but he wouldn’t even talk to me socially/communally like the rest of the gym goers. If I was kind he would flat out ignore me like I wasn’t there. Suddenly he wants to talk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did he reject you? Did you ask him out or make another clear move that he rebuffed?

Nothing romantic, but he wouldn’t even talk to me socially/communally like the rest of the gym goers. If I was kind he would flat out ignore me like I wasn’t there. Suddenly he wants to talk!

I would ignore him. I thought maybe you had RBF earlier but if others were taking to you he was just being a jerk because he didn't find you attractive.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness. So much projection from you. Maybe he doesn't talk to newcomers because a lot give up and leave rapidly. Now he's seen you are in it for the long haul, he's ready to be friends. And he doesn't want to go out with you - just wants to small talk occasionally. Plenty of people are like this. Your title made it seem like it was a romantic entanglement. You sound very dramatic and prone to making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

So rejection=people not engaging with you?

You must feel rejected every day of your life. No wonder you were depressed. Better reframe that, hmm?

[Anonymous]

NO op just NO you can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness. So much projection from you. Maybe he doesn't talk to newcomers because a lot give up and leave rapidly. Now he's seen you are in it for the long haul, he's ready to be friends. And he doesn't want to go out with you - just wants to small talk occasionally. Plenty of people are like this. Your title made it seem like it was a romantic entanglement. You sound very dramatic and prone to making stuff up.

+1

[Anonymous]

I honestly wouldn’t give it a moment’s thought. You can be distant but polite. Who gives a cr*p about what he thinks or used to think of you? It’s irrelevant to your life one way or the other.

Obviously you aren’t going to be receptive if he’s hitting on you, and you certainly don’t have to be warm to him. But you don’t have to bd overtly rude, because I don’t imagine you want to emulate him. Distant and polite, no small talk or friendship.

[Anonymous]

He was not attracted to you when you were fat and insecure, and now maybe he is attracted to you when you are thin and confident. What a monster!

[Anonymous]

I lost some weight and changed my profile pictures. Now a lot of women who rejected me before have become interested. Women care too. I take it as a positive sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was not attracted to you when you were fat and insecure, and now maybe he is attracted to you when you are thin and confident. What a monster!

Maybe not a monster, but shallow af. It’s not like OP is a different person inside, she’s the same—and so is this guy, and I’d rather be fixable outside than permanently ugly inside, just saying.