Bad child/teen

[Anonymous]

I am sure some of my teachers would have thought I was a bad kid and they probably had good reason to think it. Neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD must have been known about, but I was never tested or identified. That might have been because my grades were good, yet I found it difficult to concentrate, easily distracted and was terrible with the concept of time management. I was always challenging teachers, questioning what they were saying, with a different view or reasoning. I had a major issue with soiling my underwear, then denying it. That lasted almost all the way through school, so I guess I would have been a bad kid in some teacher’s opinion.

My brother and sister didn’t have any of those problems, and they just fitted in with average grades. That meant they didn’t seem to get noticed, unlike me that was always in trouble for something. Being removed from class or made to sit in the corner happened often, especially when I challenged a teacher. My parents didn’t seem to know how to manage me and often showed their frustration. They believed I was soiling my underwear intentionally and regularly compared me to a “normal child” my age. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t be that “normal child” they wanted, which only made my situation worse.

That led me to believe I was that bad kid, and it wasn’t until I was midway through high school that a teacher realised what was going on. She decided to make it her challenge to help me and no matter how hard I rebelled she persisted. Changes were slow for me, but thanks to her I achieved them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure some of my teachers would have thought I was a bad kid and they probably had good reason to think it. Neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD must have been known about, but I was never tested or identified. That might have been because my grades were good, yet I found it difficult to concentrate, easily distracted and was terrible with the concept of time management. I was always challenging teachers, questioning what they were saying, with a different view or reasoning. I had a major issue with soiling my underwear, then denying it. That lasted almost all the way through school, so I guess I would have been a bad kid in some teacher’s opinion.

My brother and sister didn’t have any of those problems, and they just fitted in with average grades. That meant they didn’t seem to get noticed, unlike me that was always in trouble for something. Being removed from class or made to sit in the corner happened often, especially when I challenged a teacher. My parents didn’t seem to know how to manage me and often showed their frustration. They believed I was soiling my underwear intentionally and regularly compared me to a “normal child” my age. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t be that “normal child” they wanted, which only made my situation worse.

That led me to believe I was that bad kid, and it wasn’t until I was midway through high school that a teacher realised what was going on. She decided to make it her challenge to help me and no matter how hard I rebelled she persisted. Changes were slow for me, but thanks to her I achieved them.

This is so touching. Hugs pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, the point was to get all about the adults, not the kids. Many adults confess to have drunk, shoplifted, fake ids. Etc, so I thought to ask. I could have asked in the adult children forum, or the family relationship one, but then I thought this one was best.

So many adults complain about their parents, but I wonder if they ever reflect on the child they were. ,

Did you have tough kids? Do they think poorly of you?

[Anonymous]

My kids are so different from each other so its impossible to find any causation.

[Anonymous]

I have a high IQ but had undiagnosed ADHD (it was the 80's) and I did a ton of bad things. I drank and smoked pot starting in 8th grade. I skipped school and barely passed my classes. I think the only thing that kept me from going completely off the rails were my parents. I didn't get caught a lot but I was always afraid I would be so believe it or not my behavior was more moderate than some of my friends.

My parents both went to college as adults and education wasn't stressed in the way we stress it our kids. Where i grew up, most people went to a nearby state college, if they went to college at all. Plenty of people grew up to work in trades and stayed in our hometown.

I ended up at community college, transferred to a state college and then moved across the country. The cross country move allowed me to shed all vestiges of my former self. From then on I hung out with a high(er) achieving group of people and was able to course correct.

I don't make a ton of $ but I'm still proud of the fact that I make 150K. Our HHI is 500K which is more than I ever dreamed of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you a bad teen that turned into an ok or excellent adult?

Are your children better than the child you were?

How did your parents handle you?

Did you have/not have compassion then? What about now?

Was I "bad" no. Was I depressed, socially anxious, and very lonely? Yes. I coped through heavy drug use and promiscuous behavior. I was also untreated for inattentive ADHD, so self medicating for sure with cocaine which gives the user the illusion of self control and sharp mind.

The summer after high school, I'd outgrown the drugs and drinking. Just got bored with it, really, and turned my life around. Ended up at a college, excellent grades.

My kid is better than I was because I am a very aware parent. But ... he's only 12. I hope it all sticks!

My parents didn't know what to do with me. They are wonderful people who worked a lot, had 4 kids, and businesses w.many employees to manage. I was a latchkey kid, so kept myself entertained.

Compassion back then? No, I couldn't see beyond myself. Compassion now? Hell, yes, and though my father has passed I talk with my mother often about how sorry I am. I know my dad forgave me for being such a hard kid, but not sure my mother ever really will trust me.

[Anonymous]

I'm not convinced the things the OP describes as "bad" are really bad so much as just normal things young people do. I'm a pretty upstanding citizen and don't consider myself to have been "bad" in any way, but I did everything she mentioned at some point (shoplifting, fake IDs, etc.). That was just stuff that teenagers did for fun. I mean, my parents were pretty furious when they caught me doing that kind of stuff, but it was the same stuff everyone else was doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sure some of my teachers would have thought I was a bad kid and they probably had good reason to think it. Neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD must have been known about, but I was never tested or identified. That might have been because my grades were good, yet I found it difficult to concentrate, easily distracted and was terrible with the concept of time management. I was always challenging teachers, questioning what they were saying, with a different view or reasoning. I had a major issue with soiling my underwear, then denying it. That lasted almost all the way through school, so I guess I would have been a bad kid in some teacher’s opinion.

My brother and sister didn’t have any of those problems, and they just fitted in with average grades. That meant they didn’t seem to get noticed, unlike me that was always in trouble for something. Being removed from class or made to sit in the corner happened often, especially when I challenged a teacher. My parents didn’t seem to know how to manage me and often showed their frustration. They believed I was soiling my underwear intentionally and regularly compared me to a “normal child” my age. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t be that “normal child” they wanted, which only made my situation worse.

That led me to believe I was that bad kid, and it wasn’t until I was midway through high school that a teacher realised what was going on. She decided to make it her challenge to help me and no matter how hard I rebelled she persisted. Changes were slow for me, but thanks to her I achieved them.

This is so touching. Hugs pp.

Thanks for the hugs.

It would have been good to have a few of them when I was growing up and some understanding. Instead, I received constant disparaging comments like. “Your brother doesn’t do that”, “I bet none of the other kids in your grade do that”, “you must be doing it on purpose”, “shut up and go away” . They can be so destructive, and I see it all the time with parents that seem to have little idea of what they are doing to their kids. After a while I believed what they were saying, and that I was a bad person or hopeless.

By the time that teacher came into my life I was angry, bitter, and very disconnected. Soon after she started at our school she questioned if I had soiled myself during class. My first response was to deny it, with my by then aggressive attitude. In a calm voice she put her arm around me and said, “How about we get you cleaned up, and have a talk about what’s going on, I think we have some things to talk about”. I clearly remember what she said, and I somehow knew she was there to help me.

I was ridiculed by my father for crying so I never did, or at least around people and outwardly. Inside was a different story, but it was different with her. She knew how I felt inside and there was finally someone that understood me. Sometimes she just hugged me, like she knew I was hurting or troubled inside.

[Anonymous]

“ The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways” so stop shaming them! Jane Evans.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I was "bad" but I definitely did some of the things on your list. Drank alcohol, lied to my parents about where I was going, shoplifted as younger kid a couple of times, etc. I always kept my grades up though, was polite, and I usually didn't get caught (a few times I did) so I think my parents and teachers generally thought of me as a pretty good kid. Anyway I went to a good college and then an Ivy league law school and now I'm a fed lawyer with two kids and a mortgage. So, I think it all worked out (by most people's standards at least).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I was "bad" but I definitely did some of the things on your list. Drank alcohol, lied to my parents about where I was going, shoplifted as younger kid a couple of times, etc. I always kept my grades up though, was polite, and I usually didn't get caught (a few times I did) so I think my parents and teachers generally thought of me as a pretty good kid. Anyway I went to a good college and then an Ivy league law school and now I'm a fed lawyer with two kids and a mortgage. So, I think it all worked out (by most people's standards at least).

Do you see yourself in your children? If so, do you try to nurture or crush it?

[Anonymous]

There is no right and wrong.

[Anonymous]

Yes I was a bad teen. I did drugs, had sex, constantly lied to my parents. I was arrested and I ran away with a man 10 years older then me.

I think I am a good adult. I took a gap year, got a job, went to college, then law school was near thr top of my class on both while working full time. Met a good guy. Got married, had kids, got a good job, and now am an board member of the PTA. So I guess I turned out fine lol.

My parents fought tooth and nail for me. They put me in therapy, called the police on the old guy. Supported me in getting my own apartment and getting my clothes for a job. I had a very strong family life and I think it helped. I was also smart which I think helped.

My kids are young and I didn't really act out until HS so who knows. I feel very bad about what I put my parents through. My.mom died when I was 23. I hate that I wasted all those years fighting with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sure some of my teachers would have thought I was a bad kid and they probably had good reason to think it. Neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD must have been known about, but I was never tested or identified. That might have been because my grades were good, yet I found it difficult to concentrate, easily distracted and was terrible with the concept of time management. I was always challenging teachers, questioning what they were saying, with a different view or reasoning. I had a major issue with soiling my underwear, then denying it. That lasted almost all the way through school, so I guess I would have been a bad kid in some teacher’s opinion.

My brother and sister didn’t have any of those problems, and they just fitted in with average grades. That meant they didn’t seem to get noticed, unlike me that was always in trouble for something. Being removed from class or made to sit in the corner happened often, especially when I challenged a teacher. My parents didn’t seem to know how to manage me and often showed their frustration. They believed I was soiling my underwear intentionally and regularly compared me to a “normal child” my age. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t be that “normal child” they wanted, which only made my situation worse.

That led me to believe I was that bad kid, and it wasn’t until I was midway through high school that a teacher realised what was going on. She decided to make it her challenge to help me and no matter how hard I rebelled she persisted. Changes were slow for me, but thanks to her I achieved them.

This is so touching. Hugs pp.

Thanks for the hugs.

It would have been good to have a few of them when I was growing up and some understanding. Instead, I received constant disparaging comments like. “Your brother doesn’t do that”, “I bet none of the other kids in your grade do that”, “you must be doing it on purpose”, “shut up and go away” . They can be so destructive, and I see it all the time with parents that seem to have little idea of what they are doing to their kids. After a while I believed what they were saying, and that I was a bad person or hopeless.

By the time that teacher came into my life I was angry, bitter, and very disconnected. Soon after she started at our school she questioned if I had soiled myself during class. My first response was to deny it, with my by then aggressive attitude. In a calm voice she put her arm around me and said, “How about we get you cleaned up, and have a talk about what’s going on, I think we have some things to talk about”. I clearly remember what she said, and I somehow knew she was there to help me.

I was ridiculed by my father for crying so I never did, or at least around people and outwardly. Inside was a different story, but it was different with her. She knew how I felt inside and there was finally someone that understood me. Sometimes she just hugged me, like she knew I was hurting or troubled inside.

More hugs for you. My dad said that his life was saved by a teacher like yours.

The unpleasantness of a person is often in direct proportion to their pain.

[Anonymous]

I am a female. When I was a teenager in the 80s I smoked a lot of pot and was with a bad crowd. I much preferred my friends to my family and had zero respect for my parents. Oh and of course I got very bad grades. So I guess you could say I was a bad teen. That said I by the time I was 19 or 20 I had a crappy job because I couldn't get into a good college right away so I had to work and go to school at night until I went to college full-time in my 20s, went to and got 4.0, then got a good job and am happily married with successful adult children