College freshman (18/19yr olds) relationship - guidelines for visits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

My house, my rules. My son is welcome to pony up for a hotel room if he doesn’t like the arrangements. He hasn’t and gets that he and his gf are guests that have to abide by our rules. The same happens when he visited gf’s family over break. GF’s parents had the same rules. It doesn’t mean that we don’t know that they are having sex. They are. It’s about what happens in my house.

—Parent of a 21 year old son and 17 year old daughter.

So your children have never been home without you present for any period of time, I gather?

No. They have been home without either parent home. That’s been going on for years.

So you let them do the deed, but you just don’t want to ‘permit’ it.

NP here. Yes, that is it exactly. Hasn't it been this way for decades? Teens are always trying to sneak in a "quickie" while the parents are out of the house? Or, "hey, come on over to my place tonight... my parents are out!"

[Anonymous]

They share a bedroom and can hang out where they want. I tell them the walls are thin and I can hear everything and please don’t make me hear things I don’t want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

My house, my rules. My son is welcome to pony up for a hotel room if he doesn’t like the arrangements. He hasn’t and gets that he and his gf are guests that have to abide by our rules. The same happens when he visited gf’s family over break. GF’s parents had the same rules. It doesn’t mean that we don’t know that they are having sex. They are. It’s about what happens in my house.

—Parent of a 21 year old son and 17 year old daughter.

So your children have never been home without you present for any period of time, I gather?

What they do behind your back is not the same as what you explicitly or implicitly allow. It is a difference that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They share a bedroom and can hang out where they want. I tell them the walls are thin and I can hear everything and please don’t make me hear things I don’t want to hear.

This sounds about right to me. For those who are taking a "my house, my rules" approach, what is the actual concern? Is it that you have religious objections to premarital sex between consenting adults? Is it that you don't wan to have to think about your child having sex? If so, did you ever have sex with your kids in the house?

[Anonymous]

High school teens are together at school, at after school extracurriculars, at restaurants during lunch, at tution/SAT prep centers, at friends homes, at malls, at theaters, on trips etc. If they want to do something, they don't have to wait till college and visit to your house. However, I would prepare guest room if an SO is visiting until they put a ring on each other's hands. I wouldn't supervise them.

[Anonymous]

Adults. It's pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure this logically makes sense but I think I would have them in separate rooms at that age (18/19) knowing it is likely one would move to other’s room during the night. However, at a slightly older age (maybe post college/age 22) I would be fine with putting them in the same room.

[Anonymous]

My mom let my BF sleep in my room during visits home, but I was the youngest - no teen siblings living at home. I don’t remember there being a question. Although now that I think shout it, I had twin beds (not that it would have mattered). At that point I was 21.

[Anonymous]

My DS an DD in college are adults. Of course they are having sex with their SO. So, yes, they can sleep in the same bed as their partner. So strange that other parents are insisting on this weird, arbitrary rule.