College freshman (18/19yr olds) relationship - guidelines for visits

[Anonymous]

When college freshman DS’s GF visits our home during breaks - would you be okay with them hanging out in his room for hours on end with the door shut while the rest of family is home? Also, what about sleeping arrangements for extended stays? We have a teen DD home as well. DH and I don’t see completely eye to eye on how to handle the situation.

[Anonymous]

Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

My house, my rules. My son is welcome to pony up for a hotel room if he doesn’t like the arrangements. He hasn’t and gets that he and his gf are guests that have to abide by our rules. The same happens when he visited gf’s family over break. GF’s parents had the same rules. It doesn’t mean that we don’t know that they are having sex. They are. It’s about what happens in my house.

—Parent of a 21 year old son and 17 year old daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

NP. I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

NP. I agree.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Also agree to separate sleeping arrangements. We don’t allow bedroom hangouts either but we have a family room that has turned into the couple space in our house. I like it because there is no expectation of privacy but they have privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

My house, my rules. My son is welcome to pony up for a hotel room if he doesn’t like the arrangements. He hasn’t and gets that he and his gf are guests that have to abide by our rules. The same happens when he visited gf’s family over break. GF’s parents had the same rules. It doesn’t mean that we don’t know that they are having sex. They are. It’s about what happens in my house.

—Parent of a 21 year old son and 17 year old daughter.

So your children have never been home without you present for any period of time, I gather?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

NP. I agree.

Yep

[Anonymous]

I am not naive enough to think that 18/19 year olds are not having sex when they are away at school. And They are adults. Same bedroom. Many discussions during pre teen and teen years and present day regarding safe sex and birth control. Again they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is a commitment, they get separate bedrooms at our home. However, we don't monitor them all the time as its a big house and we sleep in master suit on main floor or work from study or office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

My house, my rules. My son is welcome to pony up for a hotel room if he doesn’t like the arrangements. He hasn’t and gets that he and his gf are guests that have to abide by our rules. The same happens when he visited gf’s family over break. GF’s parents had the same rules. It doesn’t mean that we don’t know that they are having sex. They are. It’s about what happens in my house.

—Parent of a 21 year old son and 17 year old daughter.

So your children have never been home without you present for any period of time, I gather?

No. They have been home without either parent home. That’s been going on for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

My house, my rules. My son is welcome to pony up for a hotel room if he doesn’t like the arrangements. He hasn’t and gets that he and his gf are guests that have to abide by our rules. The same happens when he visited gf’s family over break. GF’s parents had the same rules. It doesn’t mean that we don’t know that they are having sex. They are. It’s about what happens in my house.

—Parent of a 21 year old son and 17 year old daughter.

So your children have never been home without you present for any period of time, I gather?

No. They have been home without either parent home. That’s been going on for years.

So you let them do the deed, but you just don’t want to ‘permit’ it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep in separate bedrooms.
They can hang out in the same room, but door is open.

My house, my rules. My son is welcome to pony up for a hotel room if he doesn’t like the arrangements. He hasn’t and gets that he and his gf are guests that have to abide by our rules. The same happens when he visited gf’s family over break. GF’s parents had the same rules. It doesn’t mean that we don’t know that they are having sex. They are. It’s about what happens in my house.

—Parent of a 21 year old son and 17 year old daughter.

This is strangely authoritarian. I agree with almost all of what you say but, dang, I bet you're a joy to be around.

[Anonymous]

When college-age dd and her (then) long distance BF were here we set guest room up for him, but it’s right across hall from DD’s room and I’m quite certain she stayed in there. That’s fine with me. No “ rules” on this sort of thing for adults. We didn’t have a big convo about it other than I said to her we’d have that room set up and they could sort where everyone felt most comfy. I like my kids and I like getting to know people they are dating seriously. I want to make our house a comfortable place where they are happy to come back to.

[Anonymous]

am not naive enough to think that 18/19 year olds are not having sex when they are away at school. And They are adults. Same bedroom. Many discussions during pre teen and teen years and present day regarding safe sex and birth control. Again they are adults.

So they are paying their own way? They buy their own food and prepare it, pay for school and insurance, drive a car they paid for? They may be 19, that doesn’t mean they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

am not naive enough to think that 18/19 year olds are not having sex when they are away at school. And They are adults. Same bedroom. Many discussions during pre teen and teen years and present day regarding safe sex and birth control. Again they are adults.

So they are paying their own way? They buy their own food and prepare it, pay for school and insurance, drive a car they paid for? They may be 19, that doesn’t mean they are adults.

But why would that having anything to do with them having sex?