Lost my best friend. Got drunk. Said something stupid to my girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my best friend last week and I’ve been understandably devastated since. Throughout all of this my girlfriend has been amazing; comforting me, made and dropped off food to my best friend’s parent’s, when to the funeral with me (there were only 8 of us per his parent’s request). She was even still supposed to back home (lives in another state) but stayed behind an extra 1.5 weeks so that she could be with me. Like I said, amazing. This afternoon was his funeral and it was open casket, so the funeral was even more emotional. We all went back to his parent’s house and started telling stories and drinking. I got pretty buzzed so my girlfriend had to drive us home. When we got home I asked her if we could walk to this bar down the street for one more drink. She told me that I had enough and should have some water. I told her I would just get one drink and come back. I did only have one drink but it tipped me over the edge and got drunk. Side story: my best friend and I also shared another really good friend who attended the funeral. He just started dating this new girl about a month ago.

So, I get back home and my girlfriend brings up how ny best friend’s mom told her and new girlfriend how much me and my friend love these two women. I drunkenly said, “you know what the difference is? *Insert new girl’s name* appreciates his love but you don’t appreciate my love”. She said, “go to bed you’re drunk”. I turned her and said, “well do you? Do you?…do you appreciate my love?”. This REALLY pissed her off. She got so mad and said how dare I compare to her another woman, let alone a stranger, to passively aggressively bring up an issue when she’s been so be trying really hard to comfort me the best that she could. Not sure what that has to with anything? Currently, she’s in the living room on the couch watching tv. She won’t come to bed. Like I said, she’s really pissed off and has been for hours now. I was drunk and truly didn’t mean it and I’ve apologized. This seems like an overreaction, no?

Apart from the stupid thing your said to your GF (go apologize, she's not overreacting) the other stupid thing you did was post anything on DCUM about it. Of course they're all going to lay into you, tell you that you have a drinking problem, you're an AH, etc. Haven't you ever read anything on here before? Anybody ever side with a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my best friend last week and I’ve been understandably devastated since. Throughout all of this my girlfriend has been amazing; comforting me, made and dropped off food to my best friend’s parent’s, when to the funeral with me (there were only 8 of us per his parent’s request). She was even still supposed to back home (lives in another state) but stayed behind an extra 1.5 weeks so that she could be with me. Like I said, amazing. This afternoon was his funeral and it was open casket, so the funeral was even more emotional. We all went back to his parent’s house and started telling stories and drinking. I got pretty buzzed so my girlfriend had to drive us home. When we got home I asked her if we could walk to this bar down the street for one more drink. She told me that I had enough and should have some water. I told her I would just get one drink and come back. I did only have one drink but it tipped me over the edge and got drunk. Side story: my best friend and I also shared another really good friend who attended the funeral. He just started dating this new girl about a month ago.

So, I get back home and my girlfriend brings up how ny best friend’s mom told her and new girlfriend how much me and my friend love these two women. I drunkenly said, “you know what the difference is? *Insert new girl’s name* appreciates his love but you don’t appreciate my love”. She said, “go to bed you’re drunk”. I turned her and said, “well do you? Do you?…do you appreciate my love?”. This REALLY pissed her off. She got so mad and said how dare I compare to her another woman, let alone a stranger, to passively aggressively bring up an issue when she’s been so be trying really hard to comfort me the best that she could. Not sure what that has to with anything? Currently, she’s in the living room on the couch watching tv. She won’t come to bed. Like I said, she’s really pissed off and has been for hours now. I was drunk and truly didn’t mean it and I’ve apologized. This seems like an overreaction, no?

Apart from the stupid thing your said to your GF (go apologize, she's not overreacting) the other stupid thing you did was post anything on DCUM about it. Of course they're all going to lay into you, tell you that you have a drinking problem, you're an AH, etc. Haven't you ever read anything on here before? Anybody ever side with a man?

yes, that is OP's problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my best friend last week and I’ve been understandably devastated since. Throughout all of this my girlfriend has been amazing; comforting me, made and dropped off food to my best friend’s parent’s, when to the funeral with me (there were only 8 of us per his parent’s request). She was even still supposed to back home (lives in another state) but stayed behind an extra 1.5 weeks so that she could be with me. Like I said, amazing. This afternoon was his funeral and it was open casket, so the funeral was even more emotional. We all went back to his parent’s house and started telling stories and drinking. I got pretty buzzed so my girlfriend had to drive us home. When we got home I asked her if we could walk to this bar down the street for one more drink. She told me that I had enough and should have some water. I told her I would just get one drink and come back. I did only have one drink but it tipped me over the edge and got drunk. Side story: my best friend and I also shared another really good friend who attended the funeral. He just started dating this new girl about a month ago.

So, I get back home and my girlfriend brings up how ny best friend’s mom told her and new girlfriend how much me and my friend love these two women. I drunkenly said, “you know what the difference is? *Insert new girl’s name* appreciates his love but you don’t appreciate my love”. She said, “go to bed you’re drunk”. I turned her and said, “well do you? Do you?…do you appreciate my love?”. This REALLY pissed her off. She got so mad and said how dare I compare to her another woman, let alone a stranger, to passively aggressively bring up an issue when she’s been so be trying really hard to comfort me the best that she could. Not sure what that has to with anything? Currently, she’s in the living room on the couch watching tv. She won’t come to bed. Like I said, she’s really pissed off and has been for hours now. I was drunk and truly didn’t mean it and I’ve apologized. This seems like an overreaction, no?

Apart from the stupid thing your said to your GF (go apologize, she's not overreacting) the other stupid thing you did was post anything on DCUM about it. Of course they're all going to lay into you, tell you that you have a drinking problem, you're an AH, etc. Haven't you ever read anything on here before? Anybody ever side with a man?

We would’ve said the same thing to a woman. Absolutely. Because the behavior is what it is - unacceptable. Or - acceptable if it was a one-off because OP was in an emotional crisis, but the unacceptable part is him not accepting responsibility and questioning her reaction.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you believe what you said to your GF? Is any part of it your true perception of your relationship, even now that you’re sober?

[Anonymous]

She has done a lot of things for you that only someone who loves and appreciates someone would do. Maybe you're the one who doesn't appreciate her?

As for drinking, you have a problem when it starts to screw up your relationships. Alcohol is poison for the liver and brain and serious alcohol misuse problems can develop over time. Stop now before you really screw up your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gets drunk like this in reaction to a friend dying? That isn’t normal. Do you have a drinking problem?

Wow... a HOLE of the day here. I would never wish someone close to you to die, but it sounds like you haven't experienced it. And everyone experiences grief differently. You are terrible.

You are enabler. That makes YOU the arsehole. Again, OP’s behavior is not normal or healthy. That is not an appropriate reaction to grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't about best friend or being drunk - you meant what you said but were unguarded enough to say it b/c of those factors.

Not true at all - sometimes people say things that are ridiculous not because they feel them deeply and have been hiding it, but simply because they are unguarded and trying to push buttons or get responses. Do you think drunk people REALLY want to fight everyone and REALLY love everyone? It's foolish to intermingle the two and only people who know the person can truly discern.

Sounds like GF knows he's full of 1t and just having a bit of a pity party and she was having none of it. They'll be ok in the AM.

Whatever. He meant what he said. He may regret saying it but he meant it.

[Anonymous]

No evidence of a drinking problem. That’s just DCUM being DCUM. But clear evidence you acted like an a-hole. Apologize profusely and work very hard to remove that big seed of doubt you planted in her mind. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so you've taught her that you:

1) Ignore her when she says you should stop drinking for the day;

2) Say hurtful things when you are drunk;

3) Cope with grief by drinking and saying hurtful things.

I'm truly sorry that you've lost your friend, but life is full of sad and difficult times you are an adult so it's time to learn healthier coping strategies than drinking and picking fights! Right now you've taught her that this is how you respond to life's difficulties. Is that what she wants in a partner?

She didn't come to bed because she didn't want to deal with you in your drunken state, or she thought you might vomit on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No evidence of a drinking problem. That’s just DCUM being DCUM. But clear evidence you acted like an a-hole. Apologize profusely and work very hard to remove that big seed of doubt you planted in her mind. Good luck.

+1 the big seed of doubt might be a deal breaker for me. Trust has been broken. How do you repair that.

[Anonymous]

OP of you feel she doesn’t appreciate you consider that it’s because you are a codependent and she is not. She doesn’t need to support your dysfunction and hopefully breaks up with you after this episode which showed that you have poor coping using alcohol AND don’t appreciate her / attack her with self pity when you should be thanking her.

[Anonymous]

If you feel she doesn't appreciate you, break up with her.

[Anonymous]

Send her a text that says you love her. Then go to sleep and give her a break from dealing with the mess you currently are. This too shall pass. But right now you are a mess. Hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Au contraire, this is actually an underreaction! Lucky for you, your girlfriend has a savior/Florence Nightengale complex for taking care of manboys.

She’s mad now, but will at some point soon forgive you because she’s just that loving. It will take her months if not years to fully snap out of her stupidity. You better enjoy the ride while it lasts!

That, or maybe she was trying to temper her reaction given the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Au contraire, this is actually an underreaction! Lucky for you, your girlfriend has a savior/Florence Nightengale complex for taking care of manboys.

She’s mad now, but will at some point soon forgive you because she’s just that loving. It will take her months if not years to fully snap out of her stupidity. You better enjoy the ride while it lasts!

That, or maybe she was trying to temper her reaction given the situation.

Idk, she’s ditching work for 2 weeks to play soup kitchen and nurse out of the goodness of her heart for a guy who gets toasted and whines about how she doesn’t love him. I’m sure this isn’t the first time his manchildness has reared it’s ugly head.