Moving to retire near adult children?

[Anonymous]

My parents did this and it's been wonderful!

And retired people aren't decrepit... I mean many retire at 62/65 and live another 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love this. My mom refuses to move out of their sh*tty town -- just inertia -- and I would welcome them being closer.

I don’t know…we just bought a house near us for my husband’s parents. The lived in a shitty town with nothing except for a chilis and a Walmart. Here, we paid a premium for them to be one block from our walkable town with many shops, activities, library, ymca, movie theater, restaurants, drugstore, grocery store, even doctors all within a few blocks…they just sit in the house watching tv and continually text my husband to do things for them and to complain about their free house (which is much much nicer than their old home). They have zero interest in leaving the house to see our kids, but, they text my 12 year old and order him to come over and do chores for them.

So, we wish they had stayed in their crappy town. Maybe it’s good if they stay put.

How dare they do the same things here that they would have happily done in their shitty town instead of living life the way you live it and think it should be lived? The GUMPTION. So RUDE!

Well, yes but from her point of view, she is right.

[Anonymous]

I would love it if my parents did this. Instead, they moved from a vibrant city with good medical facilities that we loved visiting to my mother’s tiny, somewhat isolated hometown, where everyone who can afford it gets helicopter evacuation insurance in case they have a health issue the town’s little hospital can’t handle. They don’t need care now, but my sister and I are worried about how we will handle it when they do. The original plan was for my sister to move from DC to their old city, which she also loves and where she could easily find a job, when the time comes. She’s not moving to their new town!

There has been some talk of having my in-laws move here to be closer to us. MIL’s favorite sister just bought a condo in DC and would love to have her closer, and there is a large community of their immigrants from their home country. There’s even a church where my MIL could attend service in her native language, which is definitely not possible where they live now. I’m not sure my husband could handle it, though. Although he’s the only one of the 3 children who lives far away, he’s the one who deals with anything that needs translation. He’s also their tech support. (My SIL is disabled and my BIL is feckless) He’s spent so many hours over the past two weeks helping them deal with a Medicare issue, and he’s pretty certain that the demands on him would only increase if they lived closer. So he’s torn because he loves his parents and would like for them to be closer but does not want to be in a position where he has to go over to their house every time FIL clicks on a dodgy link in his email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are the ones suggesting it.

What would happen if a job takes them away from the city you move to? This happened to a friend of my moms. They moved closer to be with the kid, than the kid moved away. Do you like where you live?

+1
Definately consider that your kid may move away at some point. Would suck to relocate and have that happen, unless you truly want to live in the new location without family there

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't mind living near our son but I seriously can't stand my husband's greedy drama all the time DIL and they live in a place I swore I'd never move back to.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who did this because their children both lived in the same area and wanted them to move there. After about a year, both children moved away (for reasons unrelated to their parents.).

[Anonymous]

Yes if you would otherwise be, at least, be neutral about living in that particular area. What is everyone's expectations about being together? Getting together for a couple hours 2x/month? I would find that worthwhile. Or is it stopping-in to see each other many times during the week? I know parents who remained where they raised their kids, kids have returned but are busy and parents see them maybe every 6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

^ that wouldn't see worth it to me, I could travel to them and not need to live nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on your relationship with your adult children.

This. I have a friend moving to be closer to her parents, but she has an awful relationship with them. Whether it’s the adult children’s idea or not isn’t as important as the nature of your relationship and expectations for interaction. I mean, if you have a tense relationship and they want you to move closer so you can babysit, tension be damned, that’s likely not going to go well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love this. My mom refuses to move out of their sh*tty town -- just inertia -- and I would welcome them being closer.

I don’t know…we just bought a house near us for my husband’s parents. The lived in a shitty town with nothing except for a chilis and a Walmart. Here, we paid a premium for them to be one block from our walkable town with many shops, activities, library, ymca, movie theater, restaurants, drugstore, grocery store, even doctors all within a few blocks…they just sit in the house watching tv and continually text my husband to do things for them and to complain about their free house (which is much much nicer than their old home). They have zero interest in leaving the house to see our kids, but, they text my 12 year old and order him to come over and do chores for them.

So, we wish they had stayed in their crappy town. Maybe it’s good if they stay put.

You can understand how this is a different situation, right? Did the ILs independently choose to move to be closer to you, or did you decide for them or persuade them?

[Anonymous]

Only if the child is not going to move out of that area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love this. My mom refuses to move out of their sh*tty town -- just inertia -- and I would welcome them being closer.

I don’t know…we just bought a house near us for my husband’s parents. The lived in a shitty town with nothing except for a chilis and a Walmart. Here, we paid a premium for them to be one block from our walkable town with many shops, activities, library, ymca, movie theater, restaurants, drugstore, grocery store, even doctors all within a few blocks…they just sit in the house watching tv and continually text my husband to do things for them and to complain about their free house (which is much much nicer than their old home). They have zero interest in leaving the house to see our kids, but, they text my 12 year old and order him to come over and do chores for them.

So, we wish they had stayed in their crappy town. Maybe it’s good if they stay put.

I actually think this sums things up for some families, including DH.

[Anonymous]

My MIL moved several states away to live near to our family when my kids were 10. She lives an hour away so it was close enough to visit but not close enough for regular unannounced visits. It was nice. Unfortunately she passed away only about 18 months later (at age 71). It broke my heart that she didn’t have more time to spend with my kids who adored her.

My parents live a 7 hour drive away and considered moving closer but just never got around to doing it. I really wish they’d move even though my kids are now in college.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to live with my parents, in-laws or adult children but would love to live couple of 1-3 hrs away from them.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to live with my parents, in-laws or adult children but would love to live couple of 1-3 hrs away from them.

I think this is ideal unless the parents are disabled or very elderly. We have lived in different areas and we were happiest at about 2-3 hours away.