Moving to retire near adult children?

[Anonymous]

Good idea or bad?

[Anonymous]

Depends on your relationship with your adult children.

[Anonymous]

absolutely no unless they ask you to

[Anonymous]

They are the ones suggesting it.

[Anonymous]

I would love this. My mom refuses to move out of their sh*tty town -- just inertia -- and I would welcome them being closer.

[Anonymous]

Would you like to make new friends and build a new life? Which area is cheaper, where you live now or where your adult children live?

[Anonymous]

Eventually it the best option for all. It is very difficult to have parents more than a drive away if family is not nearby...I mean unless you are comfortable hoping for the best with a nursing home or private care without anyone checking in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love this. My mom refuses to move out of their sh*tty town -- just inertia -- and I would welcome them being closer.

I don’t know…we just bought a house near us for my husband’s parents. The lived in a shitty town with nothing except for a chilis and a Walmart. Here, we paid a premium for them to be one block from our walkable town with many shops, activities, library, ymca, movie theater, restaurants, drugstore, grocery store, even doctors all within a few blocks…they just sit in the house watching tv and continually text my husband to do things for them and to complain about their free house (which is much much nicer than their old home). They have zero interest in leaving the house to see our kids, but, they text my 12 year old and order him to come over and do chores for them.

So, we wish they had stayed in their crappy town. Maybe it’s good if they stay put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the ones suggesting it.

That makes me think it's a good idea, assuming it's a place you'd like to live, that you'd like to live there long-term, and that you'd like to live there even if they have to move.

I am assuming they meant it when they invited you and that it was a "Hey, we'd love to have you closer" and not a ""We need free childcare so we thought of you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the ones suggesting it.

then i'd absolutely do it. help them out and be closer to them, a win-win.

[Anonymous]

My MIL did this and it’s great. It worked because she completely has her own life and community, but is also close enough to do tons of stuff with us (kids sports games, family dinners, holidays, occasional babysitting).

Of all the friends I know who have this arrangement where it actually works, there are a few common factors:
- parents have their own house, generally at least 15 minutes away, but less than an hour
- parents have their own life and community - for many older people this seems to be a retirement community or country club, but could really be anything
- set understanding of what’s expected… twice monthly Sunday dinners? Once a week pick up kids and do something fun? Once a quarter date night babysitting? Once a month sleepover at grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love this. My mom refuses to move out of their sh*tty town -- just inertia -- and I would welcome them being closer.

I don’t know…we just bought a house near us for my husband’s parents. The lived in a shitty town with nothing except for a chilis and a Walmart. Here, we paid a premium for them to be one block from our walkable town with many shops, activities, library, ymca, movie theater, restaurants, drugstore, grocery store, even doctors all within a few blocks…they just sit in the house watching tv and continually text my husband to do things for them and to complain about their free house (which is much much nicer than their old home). They have zero interest in leaving the house to see our kids, but, they text my 12 year old and order him to come over and do chores for them.

So, we wish they had stayed in their crappy town. Maybe it’s good if they stay put.

How dare they do the same things here that they would have happily done in their shitty town instead of living life the way you live it and think it should be lived? The GUMPTION. So RUDE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love this. My mom refuses to move out of their sh*tty town -- just inertia -- and I would welcome them being closer.

I don’t know…we just bought a house near us for my husband’s parents. The lived in a shitty town with nothing except for a chilis and a Walmart. Here, we paid a premium for them to be one block from our walkable town with many shops, activities, library, ymca, movie theater, restaurants, drugstore, grocery store, even doctors all within a few blocks…they just sit in the house watching tv and continually text my husband to do things for them and to complain about their free house (which is much much nicer than their old home). They have zero interest in leaving the house to see our kids, but, they text my 12 year old and order him to come over and do chores for them.

So, we wish they had stayed in their crappy town. Maybe it’s good if they stay put.

Well, retired people tend to be old, ill, slow and not energetic for much socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good idea or bad?

If you are amenable to the area and they are settled, I think it is a good idea. The problem is that when one is ready to retire, one’s children are not always settled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the ones suggesting it.

What would happen if a job takes them away from the city you move to? This happened to a friend of my moms. They moved closer to be with the kid, than the kid moved away. Do you like where you live?