Mean kids in PK - What's normal?

[Anonymous]

What discipline would you like a PK teacher to give a three year old OP? This is life in DCPS. Kids who don’t behave properly at the expense of those who do and there’s nothing DCPS can do. This is why the white families with options leave my DCPS soon after they are done with their free pre-K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a mother Karen raising a baby Karen. Classic Karen victim mentality. But kids are mean and usually come from mean parents. I’m sure these 4 year old stories are inflated despite you describing your kid as an old soul.

Weird racist misogyny. So gross and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, say "mean behavior". There will definitely come a day when your kid is accused of doing something bad, and you'll appreciate the difference then. And remember, you are hearing your DD's perspective, and her feelings are real and no doubt she's being as accurate as a young child can, but there may be more context that you don't have.

You yourself sound like a gaslighting bully. You've talked yourself into thinking you're nice, but you're a mean person who's on the side of the mean kids.

Whoa-I thought that op’s post was reasonable and wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What discipline would you like a PK teacher to give a three year old OP? This is life in DCPS. Kids who don’t behave properly at the expense of those who do and there’s nothing DCPS can do. This is why the white families with options leave my DCPS soon after they are done with their free pre-K.

You sound insane. DCPS preschool teachers are largely terrific, and use SEL, redirection, expectation setting, and other age appropriate tools to correct kids' behavior and shape their interpersonal skills.

Sincerely, white mom with $500k HHI with a PK3 kid in an EOTP Title I school where this would never fly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PreK is where kids learn to be social and act like a friend. Totally normal. It is abnormal if the teachers do not intervene and teach the kids to get along.

The ganging up and picking a consistent target it pretty unusual for PK. I would suspect there is a ringleader, that's usually how it happens at that age. I am shocked the teacher isn't aggressively intervening specifically and with SEL content for the class. There was a kid in one of my children's PK classes that clearly had ADHD and so caused problems for other kids. He wasn't mean, but he was very impulsive, somewhat aggressive, loud, etc. Teacher was totally on it, but this was clearly a kid who need medication at a young age, if I'm being honest, so her efforts were only 75% successful. Understandably the other kids got annoyed and starting being mean to him. Even there, where the "meanness" was understandable, the teacher aggressively tamped down on it with a huge SEL focus, rewarding of kindness, explaining differences in personalities and how brains worked were often beyond our control like physical differences, etc. Behavior was basically eliminated in a month. Kids parroted back the teachers words to explain all sorts of unwelcome behaviors other people did. It was really impressive. (Btw kid is now -- educated guess, post-medication, since there was a lightswitch period -- a completely well behaved kid a few years later.)

Ganging up? No that’s not normal. The teacher sounds like she can’t handle the kids. I sent my kids to private preschool and “ganging up” would not have been allowed.

That’s why my post says the ganging up part is unusual and describes the teachers lack of response as out of line with standard practice. Unclear what you’re disagreeing with here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What discipline would you like a PK teacher to give a three year old OP? This is life in DCPS. Kids who don’t behave properly at the expense of those who do and there’s nothing DCPS can do. This is why the white families with options leave my DCPS soon after they are done with their free pre-K.

You sound insane. DCPS preschool teachers are largely terrific, and use SEL, redirection, expectation setting, and other age appropriate tools to correct kids' behavior and shape their interpersonal skills.

Sincerely, white mom with $500k HHI with a PK3 kid in an EOTP Title I school where this would never fly.

None of those are discipline. OP sounded like she wanted the kid to be smacked or lose recess.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately it is somewhat typical for kids who grew up in rough circumstances

[Anonymous]

Wait. It gets even worse in higher grades. Kids are mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PreK is where kids learn to be social and act like a friend. Totally normal. It is abnormal if the teachers do not intervene and teach the kids to get along.

The ganging up and picking a consistent target it pretty unusual for PK. I would suspect there is a ringleader, that's usually how it happens at that age. I am shocked the teacher isn't aggressively intervening specifically and with SEL content for the class. There was a kid in one of my children's PK classes that clearly had ADHD and so caused problems for other kids. He wasn't mean, but he was very impulsive, somewhat aggressive, loud, etc. Teacher was totally on it, but this was clearly a kid who need medication at a young age, if I'm being honest, so her efforts were only 75% successful. Understandably the other kids got annoyed and starting being mean to him. Even there, where the "meanness" was understandable, the teacher aggressively tamped down on it with a huge SEL focus, rewarding of kindness, explaining differences in personalities and how brains worked were often beyond our control like physical differences, etc. Behavior was basically eliminated in a month. Kids parroted back the teachers words to explain all sorts of unwelcome behaviors other people did. It was really impressive. (Btw kid is now -- educated guess, post-medication, since there was a lightswitch period -- a completely well behaved kid a few years later.)

Ganging up? No that’s not normal. The teacher sounds like she can’t handle the kids. I sent my kids to private preschool and “ganging up” would not have been allowed.

That’s why my post says the ganging up part is unusual and describes the teachers lack of response as out of line with standard practice. Unclear what you’re disagreeing with here.

What? I’m not disagreeing with you. Im agreeing with you. I’m saying that’s not normal. And to laugh at bad behavior reinforces that bad behavior. Teacher sounds terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, say "mean behavior". There will definitely come a day when your kid is accused of doing something bad, and you'll appreciate the difference then. And remember, you are hearing your DD's perspective, and her feelings are real and no doubt she's being as accurate as a young child can, but there may be more context that you don't have.

You yourself sound like a gaslighting bully. You've talked yourself into thinking you're nice, but you're a mean person who's on the side of the mean kids.

Not pp. They are 3/4 years old lol. You are actually insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is somewhat typical for kids who grew up in rough circumstances

Lmao. The kids with silver spoons in their mouths also display mean and aggressive behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is somewhat typical for kids who grew up in rough circumstances

Lmao. The kids with silver spoons in their mouths also display mean and aggressive behaviors.

+1

The idea that kids who grew up in ‘rough circumstances’ are meaner than MC and UMC is such a stereotype veiled in racism. Kids of all backgrounds can be cruel but man some of those UMC kids are vicious and relentless.

[Anonymous]

i think sometimes parents of ece and elementary school children dont have a great understanding that the other children are also just kids and rarely being intentionally malicious. reports home even from very well-behaved children can be very one-sided and difficult to sort through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing that will be helpful to you in your journey as a parent is to separate behaviors from people. In your language with your daughter and her educators, rather than talking about "mean kids," please consider saying "mean behaviors."

I know this sounds nitpicky, but it's important to label behaviors rather than people, because people change a lot! Especially in preschool and in the following years. And chances are that most kids at some point in time will do a "mean behavior" but that doesn't make them "mean kids" or "bad people."

To answer your question, yes, this is very common. But no, you don't just give up and prepare for bad treatment.

Empathize with your daughter while avoiding finger pointing at other kids who are also learning how to be little humans in a busy environment. Ask your daughter what she thinks she should do in certain situations. You can role play her talking to her teacher or responding to name-callers in a strong voice "That's mean. Don't call me that name." Practice that a lot.

Ideally the teacher will appreciate a heads up from you about what your daughter is experiencing. You can ask the teacher, "what do you advise that she should do in these situations?" Some classrooms practice different protocols and have different ways of calling out behaviors. Some teachers want to be told right away about mean behaviors and others want the kids to practice using certain phrases to try to work it out themselves first.

Good luck!

Great advice, and very kindly stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is somewhat typical for kids who grew up in rough circumstances

Lmao. The kids with silver spoons in their mouths also display mean and aggressive behaviors.

+1

The idea that kids who grew up in ‘rough circumstances’ are meaner than MC and UMC is such a stereotype veiled in racism. Kids of all backgrounds can be cruel but man some of those UMC kids are vicious and relentless.

I've taught in all kinds of school (Title I majority students of color public schools and crazy expensive almost all-white private schools) and BELIEVE ME: while there are often different trends in HOW the mean behavior manifests, the mean-ness and aggressiveness was at high levels in BOTH types of schools. Not all kids in either types of school are mean or physical, but it happened and was an issue and dynamic for other students in both kinds of schools. Consistently.