No funeral or celebration of life wanted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ceremony is for the living. You can’t be rude to a dead man. Go or don’t go according to your own convictions, but let your cousin grieve as needed.

+1

+2 go to support the living.

Yup. Selfish to try to dictate how people grieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's an insult to his wishes/memory. I have told several people I want no ceremony or gathering and that going against my wish would be an insult. It's usually extroverts and type As ignoring requests of the deceased so they can gather and "process".

I'm an introvert, but can recognize that it makes sense that extroverts need to process with others.

[Anonymous]

My Aunt died and her immediate family didn't tell the rest of the family that she was in hospice. And they didn't have a funeral or celebration of life. Everyone is so hurt. It's not she was estranged. Just didn't want anything.

I understand she didn't want anything. But her loved ones are hurt that she died and didn't allow them to say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

He’s dead what does he care? It’s for the remaining loved ones.

[Anonymous]

My father requested no service or funeral and I didn't have either one. I felt bad for a moment but he was very clear- he left me a document spelling out what to do after he passed. I respected his wishes.

[Anonymous]

If you have told your family that you want no funeral / memorial service are you a controlling person? It seems almost pathological to try and control your family and friends from the grave this way.

[Anonymous]

I think people who try to control what happens at their funerals, or forbid their loved ones from having any gathering, are control freaks. You can call it "introversion" if you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t they just respect his wishes?

It doesn't suit them.

My Uncle wanted no service of any kind. He was also not religious at all. His common law wife had a full fledged funeral with a minister.

[Anonymous]

I have made it clear to my adult children that I don't care if there is any kind of service, suggested they don't waste money on a funeral, told them how to get me cremated cheaply and easily, also told them if anybody wants to get together and have a service or celebration of life to feel free if it makes them feel better.

I think if someone seriously doesn't want a service or celebration of life but the ones they left behind want to do something they should just have a get together to share grief and raise a drink to the departed. I don't think the dead person should have any say over that. Maybe it all depends on what you call it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ceremony is for the living. You can’t be rude to a dead man. Go or don’t go according to your own convictions, but let your cousin grieve as needed.

+1

+2 go to support the living.

Yup. Selfish to try to dictate how people grieve.

OP could also stay home to support the living by showing she respects her uncle's wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin's dad died. He wanted to be cremated and no ceremony or anything. Cousins are doing a celebration of life anyways. Thoughts? Is it rude to go against his wishes?

What's he going to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's an insult to his wishes/memory. I have told several people I want no ceremony or gathering and that going against my wish would be an insult. It's usually extroverts and type As ignoring requests of the deceased so they can gather and "process".

I agree.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s dead what does he care? It’s for the remaining loved ones.

One could make the same argument for not following a will. He/she won’t know!

[Anonymous]

If someone goes through the trouble of notifying their family of their wishes for burial/cremation and funeral/celebration of life/no ceremony, their wishes should be honored if family doesn’t have to pay for it out of their own pockets.

[Anonymous]

We're setting everything up in advance and prepaying. If kids want to supplement that using their own funds, I can't stop them.