Why is my mother like this?

[Anonymous]

Firstly on behalf of your mother I've got to say, wrist injuries are notoriously difficult to fix, sometimes they are literally unfixable, despite surgery, PT etc. And you can live in pain for a very long time.

As for the complaining, my mother complained to me for about 20 years about her various surgeries and discomforts. I once asked her outright "why do you only ever complain? there's nothing I can do to fix this for you and Im' tired of hearing about it, can we not just find something else to discuss?" - and she was a woman with advanced degrees and a career who was not a teenage bride limited by her world experience.

Her answer at that time was this "I suppose the discomfort is just always at the front of my mind and it upsets me"

she was obsessive and never stopped, right up until she died. And then I enjoyed the silence of that.

[Anonymous]

If her health was ok how is she going to be a victim??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this with a variety of things, both physical and social/emotional. It irks her that other people maintain a lower weight, have loving marriages, go on great vacations, etc. She is a perpetual victim and everything is done to her. She can’t do anything unless all conditions are perfect and when they aren’t perfect it’s never her fault. Nothing is ever good enough for her. She won’t plan a vacation - she won’t offer any input when asked - but then she will pout about not having a vacation or the vacation not being what she wanted. In my mom’s case, she would never admit to not completing PT. She would say: the steps were too icy to leave the house, it was raining, she got lost driving there, she doesn’t feel comfortable driving there because there is a highway, the parking lot was too busy for her, the receptionist was rude to her, the PT didn’t listen to her (excuses or actually asked her to try harder), their hours were not convenient, and on and on. It’s never HER fault.

The truth is she’d rather be miserable and blame / alienate everyone around her than take responsibility for her choices, make an effort, and potentially fail. I have no idea what would happen to her mentally if she tried her best and failed at something and didn’t have anyone or anything to blame. I don’t think she’s ever taken responsibility for anything, ever, even a burnt meal. It was the oven or the recipe’s fault - not hers!

As to why she is like this? She met my dad when she was 14 and married him at 18. She’s been married to him 50+ years. She taught junior high for 30+ years with a bunch of catty, gossipy women. I am convinced she is emotionally a teenager.

As the parent of a teenager, this made me laugh.

Sorry, pp, that's tough, but thanks for the laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Firstly on behalf of your mother I've got to say, wrist injuries are notoriously difficult to fix, sometimes they are literally unfixable, despite surgery, PT etc. And you can live in pain for a very long time.

As for the complaining, my mother complained to me for about 20 years about her various surgeries and discomforts. I once asked her outright "why do you only ever complain? there's nothing I can do to fix this for you and Im' tired of hearing about it, can we not just find something else to discuss?" - and she was a woman with advanced degrees and a career who was not a teenage bride limited by her world experience.

Her answer at that time was this "I suppose the discomfort is just always at the front of my mind and it upsets me"

she was obsessive and never stopped, right up until she died. And then I enjoyed the silence of that.

It's really sad that she was in so much pain that it's all she can think about. I have a close friend with arthritis. She's often in pain and tries to hide it and still be active, but sometimes she just breaks down because the pain is too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Firstly on behalf of your mother I've got to say, wrist injuries are notoriously difficult to fix, sometimes they are literally unfixable, despite surgery, PT etc. And you can live in pain for a very long time.

As for the complaining, my mother complained to me for about 20 years about her various surgeries and discomforts. I once asked her outright "why do you only ever complain? there's nothing I can do to fix this for you and Im' tired of hearing about it, can we not just find something else to discuss?" - and she was a woman with advanced degrees and a career who was not a teenage bride limited by her world experience.

Her answer at that time was this "I suppose the discomfort is just always at the front of my mind and it upsets me"

she was obsessive and never stopped, right up until she died. And then I enjoyed the silence of that.

It's really sad that she was in so much pain that it's all she can think about. I have a close friend with arthritis. She's often in pain and tries to hide it and still be active, but sometimes she just breaks down because the pain is too much.

yes that is true (PP you're responding to)