What is most helpful to say to someone with a serious medical diagnosis?
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Anonymous
| I’ve learned that just listening is really hard. In hindsight I wish I had focused on doing that when my dad broached the subject of his struggles with getting older/near death. I tried to reassure him which in reality was just dismissing his fears and feelings. I should have just listened. |
Anonymous
| I like it when people say 'I'm sorry to hear that. How can I support you?' |
Anonymous
That’s how you lose a kidney or a lobe of your liver. |
Anonymous
Its also patronizing. Not everyone is looking for "support" either practical or emotional. I find it helpful if people respect that I'm going to carry on as normal and I'm not impaired (even though I am). I think for me there's a lot of pride involved, but that's not the case for everyone. |
Anonymous
| “I’m going to drop off dinner on Wednesday. What time do you eat? Do you like tacos?” |
Anonymous
Thank you. |
Anonymous
That's pushy |
Anonymous
No it's not! The person can toss the dinner if they want to. |
Anonymous
Right. You offer, do not force your help on people. |
Anonymous
|
In addition to specific, concrete offers to help, two things, at least for people with some uncertainty in prognosis:
-“I’m thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome” -If they need it, just offer to be present and listen. Don’t run your mouth. Don’t offer platitudes (“god doesn’t give you any thing you can’t handle). Just be there with them. So much easier said than done |