Like your best friend? Your child might not be allowed to have one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, it may or may not be outrageous. Not sure if this is all about not having close friends, rather behaving in a way that excludes others while actually in the classroom.

Totally agree--some of these everyday playdate, BFF stuff is really, really toxic to the less dominant girl in the friendship AND to all the other kids locked out of the diad. Close friendships are fine after girls are older and have had a chance to develop self confidence so they are less likely to be bullied.

And by older, i mean middle school aged--12, 13.

[Anonymous]

I'm still friends with my "best" friend since I was 5. We also hung out in the same group of friends, but she's the one I've stayed in contact with despite divergent paths.

I hope for the same for my DD. And I would think that 12-13 would be the WORST age for the toxicity. Teenage girls are MEAN, and it was nice to have someone who I knew had my back through it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A received the article from an alert reader response to my recent blog entry about best friends and was absolutely stunned and horrified. So was the reader who sent it. It was really strange to read it on the same day I wrote this:

http://adequateparenting.com/?p=342

You thought there might be a link between your annoyance with breast pumps and best friends? Or did you link to the wrong post?

You obviously didn't read the whole post. Or you just didn't get it.

[Anonymous]

In our elementary is Alexandria, it is well known that two children who become BFF through the school year, whether toxic or not, will be in separate classes the next year in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't find the article inflammatory. Excluding is bullying, and schools do have an obligation to prevent children from being excluded. My DD has a pack of friends she hangs around with at school, and two "best friends" she hangs around with at home. Her school does not allow exclusion and encourages everyone to be friendly with everyone else, but she certainly favors some friends over others. I don't see any problem with adults intervening to keep kids from becoming too dependent upon a single friendship. I have a friend who was devastated in 3rd grade when her best friend moved away. She had NO other close friends, was so lonely that she ate herself into a nearly obese child. It was very sad. She still mentions it to this day. I think she would have been well-served by adults intervening and introducing her to a larger circle of friendships.

Oh come on. If your friend actually became obese because a friend moved away, there was more going on there than a BFF moving. I agree that adults should have helped her get close to other children but that's not what this article is talking about -- it's discussing preventing children from becoming that close in the first place. All of you people who think that having a best friend is excluding others or bullying are insane!!! Really???????

[Anonymous]

Don't people realize the gift of allowing your child to make new friends each school year? No common sense? Children NEED to know how to make new friends. You are doing them a HUGE disservice, otherwise.